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Why Japanese First Dates Are SILENT - Tokyo Dating Rules That Shock Foreigners | Ep. 4-1
No talking on first dates? Coffee shops are OFF LIMITS? Welcome to dating in Japan.
In this episode (4-1), we uncover the unwritten rules of Japanese date spots with our bilingual Japanese guests. Learn why movie theaters are the strategic choice for first dates (hint: you don't have to talk OR make eye contact), why suggesting coffee might get you ghosted, and what "omochikaeri" really means 😏
Our guests share their real kokuhaku stories, including one that happened at her front door because he panicked. Plus: the dating app mentality, when you can finally Netflix & chill, and why Japanese women are judging your date planning skills from day one.
**🎬 IN THIS EPISODE:**• Why Japanese people choose movie theaters for first dates (it's strategic!)• The coffee shop hierarchy in Tokyo - and why it matters more than you think• "Omochikaeri" and other Japanese dating terms you need to know• Kokuhaku timing: Why the third date is crucial• The "effort test" - how Japanese women judge your date planning• Izakaya first dates: Red flag or totally fine?• What "sumāto" (smooth) really means in Japanese dating culture• Real kokuhaku stories from our guests
**🔑 KEY TERMS FROM THIS EPISODE:**• デートスポット (dēto supotto) - date spots• お出かけ (odekake) vs デート (date)• 告白 (kokuhaku) - confession• 初デート (hatsu-dēto) - first date• お持ち帰り (omochikaeri) - "takeout" 😏• チャラい (charai) - player/playboy• スマート (sumāto) - smooth (not "smart"!)• 保留 (horyū) - putting off/considering• インスタ映え (insta-bae) - Instagrammable
(00:00:00) Opening & Introduction
(00:01:35) Welcome & Today's Topic: Japanese Date Spots
(00:02:15) Why Movie Theaters Are Japan's #1 First Date Spot
(00:03:01) "You Don't Have to Talk" - The Strategy Explained
(00:04:06) No Eye Contact, Dark Room = Less Pressure
(00:05:06) Date vs Kokuhaku - What Counts as a "Date"?
(00:08:25) O-dekake vs Date - The Casual Alternative
(00:11:09) Izakaya First Dates - Good or Red Flag?
(00:12:11) Dating Apps in Japan (Tinder, Bumble, Tapple)
(00:13:51) Drinking Age & Izakaya Strategy
(00:14:34) "Omochikaeri" - The Dating Term You Need to Know
(00:20:02) My Coffee Date Disaster Story
(00:22:36) "Boys Don't Go to Cafés" - Gender & Coffee Shops
(00:23:42) Insta-bae Culture & Cute Cafés
(00:25:11) The 4 Types of Tokyo Coffee Shops Explained
(00:32:51) She CANCELED Because of the Coffee Shop
(00:35:00) The Effort Test - Why Location Matters So Much
(00:36:59) Japanese Women Judge Your Planning
(00:38:58) Dating App Expectations vs Real Life Meetings
(00:41:04) When Can You Netflix & Chill in Japan?
(00:43:50) Real Kokuhaku Story #1 - Three Dates to Confession
(00:45:12) "Please Be My Girlfriend" in Japanese
(00:46:19) Horyū - When She Says "Let Me Think About It"
(00:47:26) Why You MUST Kokuhaku on the Third Date
(00:49:12) Last-Minute Kokuhaku Panic Story
(00:50:52) What Does "Sumāto" (Smooth) Really Mean?
(00:53:59) Terrace House Dating Lessons
(00:57:39) Building Up to the Confession
(00:59:13) "Be a Man" - The Ultimatum Kokuhaku
(01:00:44) Aquarium Date & Kokuhaku Expectations
**📱 CONNECT:**Japanese Education on YouTube: @GoGenJapanese IG: ➡︎ https://www.instagram.com/gogenlanguages/X: ➡︎ https://tinyurl.com/35kunt5y
Website:https://www.gogenlanguages.com/Free tips and breakdowns of relationship/dating Japanese and culture! Listen to our Dating & Relationships Japanese Audio Course for free on the website!
View all episodes
By GoGen Languages株式会社No talking on first dates? Coffee shops are OFF LIMITS? Welcome to dating in Japan.
In this episode (4-1), we uncover the unwritten rules of Japanese date spots with our bilingual Japanese guests. Learn why movie theaters are the strategic choice for first dates (hint: you don't have to talk OR make eye contact), why suggesting coffee might get you ghosted, and what "omochikaeri" really means 😏
Our guests share their real kokuhaku stories, including one that happened at her front door because he panicked. Plus: the dating app mentality, when you can finally Netflix & chill, and why Japanese women are judging your date planning skills from day one.
**🎬 IN THIS EPISODE:**• Why Japanese people choose movie theaters for first dates (it's strategic!)• The coffee shop hierarchy in Tokyo - and why it matters more than you think• "Omochikaeri" and other Japanese dating terms you need to know• Kokuhaku timing: Why the third date is crucial• The "effort test" - how Japanese women judge your date planning• Izakaya first dates: Red flag or totally fine?• What "sumāto" (smooth) really means in Japanese dating culture• Real kokuhaku stories from our guests
**🔑 KEY TERMS FROM THIS EPISODE:**• デートスポット (dēto supotto) - date spots• お出かけ (odekake) vs デート (date)• 告白 (kokuhaku) - confession• 初デート (hatsu-dēto) - first date• お持ち帰り (omochikaeri) - "takeout" 😏• チャラい (charai) - player/playboy• スマート (sumāto) - smooth (not "smart"!)• 保留 (horyū) - putting off/considering• インスタ映え (insta-bae) - Instagrammable
(00:00:00) Opening & Introduction
(00:01:35) Welcome & Today's Topic: Japanese Date Spots
(00:02:15) Why Movie Theaters Are Japan's #1 First Date Spot
(00:03:01) "You Don't Have to Talk" - The Strategy Explained
(00:04:06) No Eye Contact, Dark Room = Less Pressure
(00:05:06) Date vs Kokuhaku - What Counts as a "Date"?
(00:08:25) O-dekake vs Date - The Casual Alternative
(00:11:09) Izakaya First Dates - Good or Red Flag?
(00:12:11) Dating Apps in Japan (Tinder, Bumble, Tapple)
(00:13:51) Drinking Age & Izakaya Strategy
(00:14:34) "Omochikaeri" - The Dating Term You Need to Know
(00:20:02) My Coffee Date Disaster Story
(00:22:36) "Boys Don't Go to Cafés" - Gender & Coffee Shops
(00:23:42) Insta-bae Culture & Cute Cafés
(00:25:11) The 4 Types of Tokyo Coffee Shops Explained
(00:32:51) She CANCELED Because of the Coffee Shop
(00:35:00) The Effort Test - Why Location Matters So Much
(00:36:59) Japanese Women Judge Your Planning
(00:38:58) Dating App Expectations vs Real Life Meetings
(00:41:04) When Can You Netflix & Chill in Japan?
(00:43:50) Real Kokuhaku Story #1 - Three Dates to Confession
(00:45:12) "Please Be My Girlfriend" in Japanese
(00:46:19) Horyū - When She Says "Let Me Think About It"
(00:47:26) Why You MUST Kokuhaku on the Third Date
(00:49:12) Last-Minute Kokuhaku Panic Story
(00:50:52) What Does "Sumāto" (Smooth) Really Mean?
(00:53:59) Terrace House Dating Lessons
(00:57:39) Building Up to the Confession
(00:59:13) "Be a Man" - The Ultimatum Kokuhaku
(01:00:44) Aquarium Date & Kokuhaku Expectations
**📱 CONNECT:**Japanese Education on YouTube: @GoGenJapanese IG: ➡︎ https://www.instagram.com/gogenlanguages/X: ➡︎ https://tinyurl.com/35kunt5y
Website:https://www.gogenlanguages.com/Free tips and breakdowns of relationship/dating Japanese and culture! Listen to our Dating & Relationships Japanese Audio Course for free on the website!