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Me Before PMDD: Relationship Reset Toolkit-Couples

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Have you ever wondered why your PMDD seems to create the same relationship conflicts month after month, despite your best efforts? The answer might not be in the condition itself, but in how your nervous system responds to stress.

I never thought I'd be the person advocating for slowing down. As an Enneagram seven and someone who managed PMDD through constant motion, I viewed "being still" as inefficient and unnecessary. My morning routines were sacred—walking my dog, working out, and setting my mind right before the day began. This approach worked... until it didn't.

A herniated disc injury forced me to pause my usual coping mechanisms, leaving me terrified of facing my PMDD symptoms without my trusted movement practices. But something unexpected happened during a recent trip to Cabo where I couldn't engage in my usual activities—my sleep quality dramatically improved, my PMDD symptoms became more manageable, and I discovered a profound peace I hadn't known was possible.

What I uncovered through this journey was that my nervous system had been chronically dysregulated, stuck in sympathetic "fight-flight-freeze" mode even when there was no danger. This dysregulation wasn't just affecting me—it was sabotaging my relationships by making genuine connection impossible. When we're operating from a dysregulated nervous system during PMDD, we trigger our partners' alarm systems too, creating a cycle where both people feel misunderstood, defensive, and emotionally exhausted.

The roots of my compulsive "doing" traced back to childhood experiences in foster care, where I learned I needed to prove my worth to be loved and accepted. I brought this pattern into adult relationships, creating an unsustainable dynamic of hypervigilance that intensified during my luteal phase.

If you recognize yourself in this pattern—whether you're the one with PMDD or the partner—there's hope. Regulating your nervous system is possible through awareness, conscious choices, and sometimes challenging your most fundamental beliefs about yourself. Ready to transform your PMDD relationships? Visit inlovewithpmdd.com to access my new "Rewire the Rage" program with practical tools for nervous system healing.