Okay, I'm not going to dance around this. I'm really sick of the fact that 99% of the encouragement, compliments, feedback or recognition I receive from friends/peers is based on my appearance.

Obviously, It's nice to get a compliment here and there. It's less about the compliments I do get and more about the one's that I don't. I noticed this weird little discrepancy a while ago, and it's been bugging me.

Why is my appearance treated as my most important trait? Why do my peers comment on it as if it's important? Is it important? Is it more important than my other traits? Why do they care enough about my ego to tell me that I look pretty but not enough to say that my photos are good or that my writing is interesting?

I'm not necessarily angry at anyone in particular because I don't even think it's a conscious thing. I just want to know why it is the case. Obviously, we live in a world that prioritises physical appearance over depth of character, which is why I feel the need to point it out. Maybe it is just an issue of awareness.

I think the best way to tackle this quandary is through a theoretical frame. If you don't know what 'pretty privilege is - the name makes it pretty obvious. It's a social concept that theorises that conventionally attractive people have some advantage in life that those who are not conventionally attractive do not receive.

It definitely exists, but as with most things, there's a positive side and a negative one. I've not been subject to any severe experiences of fatphobia, racism, homophobia or classism. I'll probably never be turned down at a job interview because of my appearance. Service staff and strangers are very rarely rude or discriminatory towards me. I acknowledge that as a privilege that not everyone has. But that privilege causes a lot more barriers than not.

Pretty privilege only exists because we, as individuals, buy into the idea that physically attractive people are more valuable than other people. The problem is that equating value to beauty removes value in everything else. And that's what's getting on my nerves.

Several issues of perspective and self-esteem arise when you place beauty on that pedestal.

Often when I hear pretty privilege talked about, they talk about girls getting into clubs and not having to buy themselves drinks. It's about getting attention, and attention being wrongly equated to respect. You don't get free drinks just because you're pretty. We all know there's more subtext than that. If people are doing nice things or being friendly, and it's because they find you attractive... those are not altruistic random acts of kindness. All assumptions come with expectation, and here's the thing;

I gain nothing by knowing that you find me attractive.

People assume you're arrogant. People assume you're unintelligent or unapproachable. If you're pretty, often, people think that's all you are. People seem surprised when they discover that I am quite intelligent. When I have daft moments, the phrase 'You're lucky that you're pretty' gets thrown around. It can be hard to make friends, hard to see yourself as worthy or interesting, hard to feel understood, respected or heard. That's really strange to experience when I'm 100% sure that I am more interesting, funny, intelligent, hardworking and creative than I am pretty. I hold value for those traits in myself and others, so it confuses and upsets me when others don't.

I saw a chain of TikToks that explain this concept pretty well. The explanation given at 2.50 is what I'm getting at.

We've been placed in this society that sets the beauty standard as the most important thing. The age of social media has catapulted the attention economy. Pretty privilege does exist. But it's rooted in sexism, the attention economy, and how capitalism builds on desirability politics. In this light, pretty people don't usually receive actual privilege past 'being treated nicer' unless their line of work is one t