You know the script. Something feels off, your partner asks if you’re okay, and out comes the automatic, “I’m fine.” You tack on a smile or change the subject, hoping the tension will disappear. But it doesn’t—it just goes underground.

In this episode, Rachel breaks down why “I’m fine” is one of the most common—and most damaging—phrases in relationships. What sounds like peacekeeping is actually a nervous system strategy to avoid conflict, overwhelm, or rejection. It might calm things momentarily, but over time it erodes trust.

You’ll learn how this quiet reflex trains your partner not to believe your words, and why uncertainty can damage safety faster than conflict ever could. Rachel explains that “I’m fine” isn’t lying—it’s your body trying to survive discomfort. But protection and connection aren’t the same thing.

Using a powerful new reframe, Dr. Rachel introduces the F.I.N.E. acronym—Freaked Out, Insecure, Numbed Out, and Exhausted—to show what’s really happening beneath the surface when we disconnect from honesty.

You’ll also learn:

1. Why “I’m fine” is a nervous system shield, not a communication failure.
2. How small, imperfect truths build more safety than denial ever can.
3. What to say instead when you don’t yet have the words for what’s wrong.
4. How to use the F.I.N.E. self-check to notice survival mode before it hijacks connection.

Because honesty doesn’t mean dumping everything in the moment—it means aligning your energy and your words so your partner can trust both.

If “I’m fine” has been your reflex, this episode will help you recognize it as protection, not failure—and guide you toward micro-honesty that actually restores closeness.

Key Quote“I’m fine isn’t a flaw—it’s your nervous system trying to protect you. But protection isn’t the same as connection. Small honesty builds more safety than silence ever will.”Listen + Connect

If this episode resonates, share it with someone who hides behind “I’m fine” when they really mean “I’m not okay.”

Resources

1. Free Course | Break the Cycle: A self-paced introduction to understanding your patterns and nervous system responses.
2. Private Coaching (Limited Availability): High-touch, individualized support for deep relational pattern change.
3. The Attachment Revolution Membership — Waitlist: Ongoing education, tools, and live support for building more secure relationships.
4. Meaningful Journey Counseling (WA residents only): Licensed therapy services for individuals and couples in Washington State.

Disclaimer

This podcast is for educational and informational purposes only and is not a substitute for mental health treatment, therapy, diagnosis, or medical advice. Listening to this podcast does not create a therapist-client relationship. If you are experiencing significant distress, please seek support from a licensed mental health professional or medical provider.