That flutter of excitement when someone likes your post. The warm glow after your boss praises your presentation. The slight panic when your work receives criticism instead of praise. Sound familiar?

We've all been conditioned to seek approval from our families, friends, and bosses before taking action. But here's the uncomfortable truth: we'll never live on our own terms if we live by external validation.

"For those with high need for approval, their self-esteem is correlated with how positively they believe others perceive them," concluded researchers in one study. This dependency creates a psychological trap where your sense of worth becomes hostage to others' opinions—opinions that are fickle, subjective, and completely beyond your control.

• You can read the Nir And Far blog post on: Why Seeking Approval is Killing Your Potential here.

• Nir And Far, a podcast about business, behaviour and the brain by Nir Eyal. If you enjoy this podcast, please subscribe on iTunes and leave an iTunes review. It will greatly help new listeners discover the show. Please visit my website Nir and Far for other info about my writing, books and teaching: http://www.nirandfar.com/