You’ve put down strong. You’ve tried the self-care Sundays, the soft life rituals, the silence and the scented candles. But somehow, you still feel like you’re holding it all by yourself.

In this episode of Shades of Strong, Shirl unpacks why self-care and softness — while nourishing — were never meant to replace real support. She breaks down the difference between comfort and being held, and shares why so many Black women are left feeling unsupported even while doing all the “right” things to care for themselves.

You’ll hear:

Why soft life vibes can feel good, but still leave you depleted

The pacifier metaphor that will shift how you see comfort vs. support

How Support Languages offer a deeper way to receive the care you actually need

What happens when we grieve the strong Black woman identity but don’t replace it with anything real

And how we can honor our mothers and grandmothers by choosing differently

This is a loving call-in — not to abandon softness, but to go deeper than what looks good on the surface. If you’ve ever felt like self-care just wasn’t cutting it anymore, this conversation is for you.

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Shirl is the creator of Support Languages™ and host of Shades of Strong® — a movement shifting the narrative from Strong Black Woman to Supported Black Woman™ through language, rest, and real support.