We all have our own ‘apology language’ which denotes the nature and style of the apologies we give and receive. However, there are those who find it very difficult to apologise at all. John explains the reasons why some people find this fairly regular social and relational occurrence so difficult. 

 

KEY TAKEAWAYS

• People can feel courageous and less passive if they refuse to offer an apology. They feel they are ‘standing their ground’. 
• Some people cannot deal with being seen as at fault. They see an apology as humiliating. 
• Many are never told they are in the wrong as children so are untrained at being able to navigate an apology scenario. Also, constant humiliating apologies as a child may result in an adult refusing to repeat that experience.
• The fight, flight or freeze stress response can see them adopting one of these three actions in a confrontational situation, none of which will result in an apology.

 

BEST MOMENTS

‘So you’ve probably experienced times when people have found it really hard to say sorry and I know that can actually be quite annoying, upsetting, distressing and difficult to accept.’ 

‘So they may have seen it modelled, but problems are not resolved. Things just get swept under the carpet. No apologies were ever offered to them, it wasn’t something that ever happened in their lives.’

‘To hold the upper hand in a relationship is crucial to some people because to them it can literally mean their emotional survival. Yes indeed, survival is the right word because those who need to be in control or a position of power will manipulate a scenario in order to maintain a sense of self.’

‘Gaslighting is a term widely used to describe how someone will try to make you responsible for everything and to question your own sanity in order that they can feel exempt themselves from any responsibility.’ 

 

VALUABLE RESOURCES

If you want to order a copy of my book The P.E.O.P.L.E. Programme, then you can just pay postage and packing of £4.95 (RRP £8.99) - www.johnkennycoaching.com/podcast-book-offer

Want to be able to create healthy relationships in your life? - Why not book in for a complimentary call and we can discuss how you can get the new started with some new types of relationships - https://calendly.com/johnkennycoaching/30min

The Relationship Guy Podcast - https://omny.fm/shows/the-relationship-guy        

 

ABOUT THE HOST

• Looking at the world of relationships - their importance to living a fulfilled life.
• Their impacts on all areas of life.
• Where our ideas of relationships come from.
• What and why we attract them. 
• How important the relationship with yourself is.

I am John Kenny, The Relationship Guy - Coaching people to experience healthy loving relationships.

Having spent a life choosing unhealthy relationships and self sabotaging my own success, I now coach people to live a life they choose, not one they always have or think they should.

 

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