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Tonight on Drowsy Historian, we’re traveling back to Tudor England — but not for courtly intrigue or royal gossip. No, tonight’s horror is on your dinner plate.

From plague-ridden pottage and gravel-filled bread to aristocratic sugar sculptures laced with lead, Tudor cuisine was less about flavor and more about survival (or not). Whether you were a peasant gnawing on stale rye or a noble choking on a swan stuffed with a goose stuffed with regret, one thing was certain: dinner was always a gamble.

In this slow, immersive, second-person journey, you'll live a dozen lifetimes across the Tudor table — scraping out stew, eyeing dubious pies, and trying not to think about the rat under the bench. It’s educational. It’s disgusting. And it’s narrated in a calm, dry tone designed to lull you to sleep… while quietly ruining your appetite.

Lie back, close your eyes, and try not to dream of eel pies.

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