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Why Young Men Are Crying Out For Advice About Sex with Ben Dunks
In this episode, Caroline is talking to the amazing Ben Dunks, who has written an intimacy guide for young men about sex. Ben explains how his love of dance led to him switching from studying biology and chemistry to becoming a professional dancer, which morphed into a career as an educator and writer.
Ben shares what made him realise that young men desperately needed guidance when it came to sex. He explains that they feel unable to talk about sex. Instead, they are using pornography as their guide. Something that is leading to young men and women engaging in sexual practices that they come to realise are actually abusive and very damaging.
KEY TAKEAWAYS
- For many young men and women pornography is their only guide to sex and intimacy.
- The nature of porn draws you into watching increasingly dark and aggressive material. That impacts the way we think, feel and act in intimate relationships.
- Young couples are re-enacting what they have seen in porn.
- Women are consenting to things that leave them feeling violated because they or their partners have watched it in a porn video or show.
- Young men are behaving in sexually aggressive ways without necessarily realising they are doing so. Again, because they are re-enacting porn.
- If you are focusing on your partner’s pleasure, you are not going to end up coercing them. You won’t assault them.
- We live in a society where the narrative is that young people are rubbish. It's not true and being spoken about so negatively is incredibly damaging.
- People are holistic. Our mind, body and spirit are all connected. What we do, say, watch and expose ourselves to ends up contributing to who we are.
BEST MOMENTS
‘The algorithm of pornography just sends them down, darker, and darker and more violent and more aggressive paths and situations. ´
‘The framework of the book is really about focusing on your partner's pleasure. Focusing on your partner in all ways, in terms of your intimate encounters.’
‘It's a choice to engage with your partner and it's a choice to explore together and have a really lovely time.’
ABOUT THE GUEST
Benjamin Dunks studied for a Biology and Chemistry Degree before deciding to train as a professional dancer at the Queensland University of Technology. He went on to dance with the Australian Ballet School and the 4 major contemporary dance companies in Australia and with companies in the UK.
When Ben finished performing, he was the Artistic Director of Attik Dance in Plymouth for 7 years. Since 2011 he has taken 70000 participants through his programs. In 2018, he started working on a dance programme, which is currently being used in 2,000 UK schools.
Ben is also an author, his book Intimacy: A guide for young men about sex is helping young people who have been exposed to 24hr porn to understand how to connect with their partners and enjoy true intimacy. Saving them from learning the painful way that doing what porn taught them usually leads to violent and assaultive behaviour.
His book Men and Menopause has already been released and he has 3 more in the pipeline, a version of Intimacy for Young Women, a book about power and control for 12 to 16 yr. old lads, and a book called 'Dance is as important as Maths', which is about how a creative movement practice is fundamental for our brains as it is for our bodies.
His Men's Sports Pants company called We are Tackle is a success. Currently Ben is the social media manager with Synergen Met, an Aussie Cleantech company that is revolutionising making Clean Hydrogen from Methane and destroying PFAS, the forever chemical.
EPISODE RESOURCES
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/benjamin.dunks
Twitter: https://twitter.com/Benjamin_Dunks
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/benjamin-dunks-a2390634/
Links for Intimacy Book:
https://amzn.to/3SNulke (Amazon UK)
https://amzn.to/3TlHaBY. (Amazon US)
https://amzn.to/3MmRM1X. (Amazon Australia)
ABOUT THE HOST
Bio
Caroline Partridge is a unique and creative individual. She is an actress, puppeteer, educator, and artist with funny bones. She loves a story and is an expert at conveying wit and wisdom with warmth, understanding, and empathy.
CONTACT METHOD
FACEBOOK - https://www.facebook.com/caropartridge
LinkedIn - https://www.linkedin.com/in/caroline-partridge-03131520
Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/partridge_caroline
PODCAST DESCRIPTION
This is a podcast series about discovery, understanding, revelation, and stories.
How we perceive the world is rooted in everything that has influenced us throughout our lives, emotionally and psychologically. We become the sum of our parts and each of us has our own unique view of the world. 'Vision' truly is an act of interpretation.
In this podcast series through fascinating conversations, I set about trying to understand how we form our perceptions, view different perspectives, and examine how perception has influenced, inspired, or hindered the lives of each of my unique guests.
View all episodes
By Caroline PartridgeIn this episode, Caroline is talking to the amazing Ben Dunks, who has written an intimacy guide for young men about sex. Ben explains how his love of dance led to him switching from studying biology and chemistry to becoming a professional dancer, which morphed into a career as an educator and writer.
Ben shares what made him realise that young men desperately needed guidance when it came to sex. He explains that they feel unable to talk about sex. Instead, they are using pornography as their guide. Something that is leading to young men and women engaging in sexual practices that they come to realise are actually abusive and very damaging.
KEY TAKEAWAYS
- For many young men and women pornography is their only guide to sex and intimacy.
- The nature of porn draws you into watching increasingly dark and aggressive material. That impacts the way we think, feel and act in intimate relationships.
- Young couples are re-enacting what they have seen in porn.
- Women are consenting to things that leave them feeling violated because they or their partners have watched it in a porn video or show.
- Young men are behaving in sexually aggressive ways without necessarily realising they are doing so. Again, because they are re-enacting porn.
- If you are focusing on your partner’s pleasure, you are not going to end up coercing them. You won’t assault them.
- We live in a society where the narrative is that young people are rubbish. It's not true and being spoken about so negatively is incredibly damaging.
- People are holistic. Our mind, body and spirit are all connected. What we do, say, watch and expose ourselves to ends up contributing to who we are.
BEST MOMENTS
‘The algorithm of pornography just sends them down, darker, and darker and more violent and more aggressive paths and situations. ´
‘The framework of the book is really about focusing on your partner's pleasure. Focusing on your partner in all ways, in terms of your intimate encounters.’
‘It's a choice to engage with your partner and it's a choice to explore together and have a really lovely time.’
ABOUT THE GUEST
Benjamin Dunks studied for a Biology and Chemistry Degree before deciding to train as a professional dancer at the Queensland University of Technology. He went on to dance with the Australian Ballet School and the 4 major contemporary dance companies in Australia and with companies in the UK.
When Ben finished performing, he was the Artistic Director of Attik Dance in Plymouth for 7 years. Since 2011 he has taken 70000 participants through his programs. In 2018, he started working on a dance programme, which is currently being used in 2,000 UK schools.
Ben is also an author, his book Intimacy: A guide for young men about sex is helping young people who have been exposed to 24hr porn to understand how to connect with their partners and enjoy true intimacy. Saving them from learning the painful way that doing what porn taught them usually leads to violent and assaultive behaviour.
His book Men and Menopause has already been released and he has 3 more in the pipeline, a version of Intimacy for Young Women, a book about power and control for 12 to 16 yr. old lads, and a book called 'Dance is as important as Maths', which is about how a creative movement practice is fundamental for our brains as it is for our bodies.
His Men's Sports Pants company called We are Tackle is a success. Currently Ben is the social media manager with Synergen Met, an Aussie Cleantech company that is revolutionising making Clean Hydrogen from Methane and destroying PFAS, the forever chemical.
EPISODE RESOURCES
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/benjamin.dunks
Twitter: https://twitter.com/Benjamin_Dunks
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/benjamin-dunks-a2390634/
Links for Intimacy Book:
https://amzn.to/3SNulke (Amazon UK)
https://amzn.to/3TlHaBY. (Amazon US)
https://amzn.to/3MmRM1X. (Amazon Australia)
ABOUT THE HOST
Bio
Caroline Partridge is a unique and creative individual. She is an actress, puppeteer, educator, and artist with funny bones. She loves a story and is an expert at conveying wit and wisdom with warmth, understanding, and empathy.
CONTACT METHOD
FACEBOOK - https://www.facebook.com/caropartridge
LinkedIn - https://www.linkedin.com/in/caroline-partridge-03131520
Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/partridge_caroline
PODCAST DESCRIPTION
This is a podcast series about discovery, understanding, revelation, and stories.
How we perceive the world is rooted in everything that has influenced us throughout our lives, emotionally and psychologically. We become the sum of our parts and each of us has our own unique view of the world. 'Vision' truly is an act of interpretation.
In this podcast series through fascinating conversations, I set about trying to understand how we form our perceptions, view different perspectives, and examine how perception has influenced, inspired, or hindered the lives of each of my unique guests.