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Why Your Relationship Feels Like Hard Work | FT:- Melissa DiVaris
Why Your Relationship Feels Like Hard Work | FT:- Melissa DiVaris
CONNECT WITH CHARLENEOn Instagram @mscharlenebyars (https://www.instagram.com/mscharlenebyars/?hl=en)
On YouTube @chosentraining (https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCAEFkimtIowqoyz1_lnF8Rg)
Work with me HERE (https://charlenebyars.com/)
CONNECT WITH MELISSA
On Instagram @embracingjoypsychotherapy (https://www.instagram.com/embracingjoypsychotherapy?igsh=N2lvZzJiaG4wMWl3)
Work with me Here: (https://www.embracingjoyconsulting.com/links?utm_source=ig&utm_medium=social&utm_content=link_in_bio&fbclid=PAdGRleARn_oVleHRuA2FlbQIxMQBzcnRjBmFwcF9pZA8xMjQwMjQ1NzQyODc0MTQAAaeUuEyzwf-zBp_ZCKp72VdPXCTjcupcvXSzhSVNjTHOd3xvOaypaWl5Bgaf4Q_aem_GTKS-W3RoxoKSCVFtNdLqw)
Are you waiting for a partner to finally make you "happy"? Licensed couples therapist Melissa DiVaris Thompson joins the show to debunk the greatest myths about romantic love. In this deep-dive interview, we explore why the "perfect" person doesn't exist and how our childhood "raw spots" create the patterns we struggle with today.Whether you are single and exhausted by the dating scene or in a long-term marriage that feels "stuck," this episode provides the practical tools you need to build emotional safety, master the art of "repair," and understand the bids for connection that keep love alive.
In this Whole Episode we covered:
The Foundations of Modern Love
00:00 – The "Hard to Hear" Truth: Why your partner isn't your missing piece.
03:21 – Matters of the Heart: Why relationship skills aren't just for romance.
04:15 – Growing Up "Too Much": How family dynamics shape our curiosity about love.
07:04 – The Myth of "Easy" Love: Why healthy relationships require seasonal work.
The Psychology of the Couple
08:34 – High Expectations vs. Real Tools: Moving beyond the "movie" version of love.
10:19 – Unpacking the Baggage: How past trauma creates "Raw Spots" in new partners.
12:46 – The Therapy Stigma: Why you shouldn't wait until you're "on the brink" to get help.
15:59 – What Are You Actually Fighting About? (Hint: It’s not the dishes).
The Art of Connection & Repair
18:27 – From Attacks to Vulnerability: Using Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) to soften walls.
22:15 – The "Green Zone": Maintaining a healthy baseline in your relationship.
23:13 – Bids for Connection: The "death by a thousand paper cuts" you’re ignoring.
25:59 – Friendship vs. Romance: Why "liking" your partner is just as vital as "loving" them.
Dating for the Modern Woman
26:57 – The Authenticity Test: The #1 thing women overlook in the early dating stages.
30:12 – The "3 Must-Haves & 3 Can’t-Stands" Exercise: Narrowing your values.
32:35 – Melissa’s Journey: Turning a "terrible" dating history into a secure marriage.
35:30 – The "Blast from the Past": How a chance encounter led to her husband.
Deep Work & Final Insights
40:15 – Dealing with Rejection: How to keep hope alive after disappointment.
45:20 – The Power of "I Hear You": De-escalating conflict in 30 seconds or less.
50:45 – Identifying Your Attachment Style: Are you the "Chaser" or the "Withdrawer"?
55:10 – The Journey to Self-Completion: Doing the work so you can show up whole.
58:30 – Closing Thoughts & Where to Find Melissa.
View all episodes
By Charlene Byars
4.8
2020 ratings
Why Your Relationship Feels Like Hard Work | FT:- Melissa DiVaris
CONNECT WITH CHARLENEOn Instagram @mscharlenebyars (https://www.instagram.com/mscharlenebyars/?hl=en)
On YouTube @chosentraining (https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCAEFkimtIowqoyz1_lnF8Rg)
Work with me HERE (https://charlenebyars.com/)
CONNECT WITH MELISSA
On Instagram @embracingjoypsychotherapy (https://www.instagram.com/embracingjoypsychotherapy?igsh=N2lvZzJiaG4wMWl3)
Work with me Here: (https://www.embracingjoyconsulting.com/links?utm_source=ig&utm_medium=social&utm_content=link_in_bio&fbclid=PAdGRleARn_oVleHRuA2FlbQIxMQBzcnRjBmFwcF9pZA8xMjQwMjQ1NzQyODc0MTQAAaeUuEyzwf-zBp_ZCKp72VdPXCTjcupcvXSzhSVNjTHOd3xvOaypaWl5Bgaf4Q_aem_GTKS-W3RoxoKSCVFtNdLqw)
Are you waiting for a partner to finally make you "happy"? Licensed couples therapist Melissa DiVaris Thompson joins the show to debunk the greatest myths about romantic love. In this deep-dive interview, we explore why the "perfect" person doesn't exist and how our childhood "raw spots" create the patterns we struggle with today.Whether you are single and exhausted by the dating scene or in a long-term marriage that feels "stuck," this episode provides the practical tools you need to build emotional safety, master the art of "repair," and understand the bids for connection that keep love alive.
In this Whole Episode we covered:
The Foundations of Modern Love
00:00 – The "Hard to Hear" Truth: Why your partner isn't your missing piece.
03:21 – Matters of the Heart: Why relationship skills aren't just for romance.
04:15 – Growing Up "Too Much": How family dynamics shape our curiosity about love.
07:04 – The Myth of "Easy" Love: Why healthy relationships require seasonal work.
The Psychology of the Couple
08:34 – High Expectations vs. Real Tools: Moving beyond the "movie" version of love.
10:19 – Unpacking the Baggage: How past trauma creates "Raw Spots" in new partners.
12:46 – The Therapy Stigma: Why you shouldn't wait until you're "on the brink" to get help.
15:59 – What Are You Actually Fighting About? (Hint: It’s not the dishes).
The Art of Connection & Repair
18:27 – From Attacks to Vulnerability: Using Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) to soften walls.
22:15 – The "Green Zone": Maintaining a healthy baseline in your relationship.
23:13 – Bids for Connection: The "death by a thousand paper cuts" you’re ignoring.
25:59 – Friendship vs. Romance: Why "liking" your partner is just as vital as "loving" them.
Dating for the Modern Woman
26:57 – The Authenticity Test: The #1 thing women overlook in the early dating stages.
30:12 – The "3 Must-Haves & 3 Can’t-Stands" Exercise: Narrowing your values.
32:35 – Melissa’s Journey: Turning a "terrible" dating history into a secure marriage.
35:30 – The "Blast from the Past": How a chance encounter led to her husband.
Deep Work & Final Insights
40:15 – Dealing with Rejection: How to keep hope alive after disappointment.
45:20 – The Power of "I Hear You": De-escalating conflict in 30 seconds or less.
50:45 – Identifying Your Attachment Style: Are you the "Chaser" or the "Withdrawer"?
55:10 – The Journey to Self-Completion: Doing the work so you can show up whole.
58:30 – Closing Thoughts & Where to Find Melissa.