Widow's Permission Slips with Gladys Jean Ullstam

As I mark 40 years since our wedding day and 41 years since Gary and I met, I am reflecting on the lessons his love still teaches me. In this episode, I share the wisdom I carry from Gary—about joy, family, strength, beauty, and believing that everything will be okay—and invite you to name one lesson you carry from your own person.

Widow's Permission Slips is a production of Ember & Bloom Coaching for Widows, hosted by Gladys Jean Ullstam, certified life coach and Gary's widow.

If you are ready to be met exactly where you are, my free discovery call, Holding the Ember, is open at emberandbloomcoaching.com/appointments.

Follow the show so a new permission slip finds you each week, and share it with a widow who needs to hear it.

Website: emberandbloomcoaching.com

You are not alone in this.

You can be exhausted all day and still lie awake at night. After Gary died, sleep was one of the things that stopped making sense to me. But the tiredness went beyond lost sleep. Life still needed my attention, even when I felt like I had nothing left to give.

In this episode, I talk about why “just get some rest” can be such a hard thing to hear when you’re widowed. What if rest doesn’t look the way you expect it to right now? If you’re tired of pushing through but don’t know how to stop, this episode is for you.

Widow's Permission Slips is a production of Ember & Bloom Coaching for Widows, hosted by Gladys Jean Ullstam, certified life coach and Gary's widow.

If you are ready to be met exactly where you are, my free discovery call, Holding the Ember, is open at emberandbloomcoaching.com/appointments.

Follow the show so a new permission slip finds you each week, and share it with a widow who needs to hear it.

Website: emberandbloomcoaching.com

You are not alone in this.

After Gary died, I learned that being alone and being lonely are two completely different things. I could be surrounded by people who loved me, sitting at a full table, and still feel completely alone because the one person I was looking for wasn't there. In this episode, I talk about the kind of loneliness a crowd can't fix. I share why it isn't a sign that you're broken or failing to move forward, how to stop fighting it when it comes, and why one honest connection can mean more than a room full of people. If you've ever felt lonely for your person even when you weren't alone, this one is for you.

Widow's Permission Slips is a production of Ember & Bloom Coaching for Widows, hosted by Gladys Jean Ullstam, certified life coach and Gary's widow.

If you are ready to be met exactly where you are, my free discovery call, Holding the Ember, is open at emberandbloomcoaching.com/appointments.

Follow the show so a new permission slip finds you each week, and share it with a widow who needs to hear it.

Website: emberandbloomcoaching.com

You are not alone in this.

When Gary died, I didn't just become a widow. I became the only living parent of two grieving kids. Mine are grown, and it turns out grown kids still need their mom in grief. In this episode, I talk about the juggling act nobody hands you a manual for. Mothering broken hearts while your own heart is broken. I share why you can't do your kids' grieving for them, why hiding your grief from them doesn't protect them the way you hope, and how a family learns to carry a loss together without anyone carrying it alone. If you're parenting through grief, whether your kids are seven or forty-seven, this one is for you. 

Widow's Permission Slips is a production of Ember & Bloom Coaching for Widows, hosted by Gladys Jean Ullstam, certified life coach and Gary's widow.

If you are ready to be met exactly where you are, my free discovery call, Holding the Ember, is open at emberandbloomcoaching.com/appointments.

Follow the show so a new permission slip finds you each week, and share it with a widow who needs to hear it.

Website: emberandbloomcoaching.com

You are not alone in this.

Widowhood makes you want to get small. To pull the world in close, shut the door, and stay in the cave where it feels safe. I know that pull. I felt it hard after Gary died. In this episode, I talk about what happened when I made myself venture out anyway, teaching myself the ukulele in year two and playing open mic nights at an art studio in Hammond, taking every dance class I could find, and making friends across the country. And I share the thing that surprised me most. Out there, trying and learning and growing, I didn't feel further from Gary. I felt closer to him. This one is about choosing to grow instead of disappear, and why that's where the love keeps moving.

Widow's Permission Slips is a production of Ember & Bloom Coaching for Widows, hosted by Gladys Jean Ullstam, certified life coach and Gary's widow.

If you are ready to be met exactly where you are, my free discovery call, Holding the Ember, is open at emberandbloomcoaching.com/appointments.

Follow the show so a new permission slip finds you each week, and share it with a widow who needs to hear it.

Website: emberandbloomcoaching.com

You are not alone in this.

He is in a better place. At least you had the years you had. Everything happens for a reason. And my personal favorite, the head tilt, which doesn't even need words. If you've been widowed for more than about a week, you've collected a whole pile of these, and every one of them lands wrong. In this episode, I talk about what's actually happening when someone who loves you says the worst possible thing, and why so many of us end up comforting other people about our own husband's death. I share the three things I finally learned to do with the fumblers, and what changes when you stop being the hostess of your own grief. Some people love you badly. That's still love. It's just wearing a really bad outfit. If you're tired of smoothing it over for everyone else, this one is for you.

Widow's Permission Slips is a production of Ember & Bloom Coaching for Widows, hosted by Gladys Jean Ullstam, certified life coach and Gary's widow.

If you are ready to be met exactly where you are, my free discovery call, Holding the Ember, is open at emberandbloomcoaching.com/appointments.

Follow the show so a new permission slip finds you each week, and share it with a widow who needs to hear it.

Website: emberandbloomcoaching.com

You are not alone in this.

This weekend I floated around a lazy river, watching a giant bucket fill up and dump on the people below. If you see it coming, you can brace for it. It's unpleasant, but you knew what you signed up for. If you don't see it coming, it knocks you clean off your feet. And somewhere on that river, I realized that's exactly how grief works. In this episode, I talk about the hard days we can brace for, the ones that hit out of nowhere, and the way we punish ourselves when we get walloped unprepared. Gary loved the lazy river too. This one is about giving yourself grace, for any reason, or none at all.

Widow's Permission Slips is a production of Ember & Bloom Coaching for Widows, hosted by Gladys Jean Ullstam, certified life coach and Gary's widow.

If you are ready to be met exactly where you are, my free discovery call, Holding the Ember, is open at emberandbloomcoaching.com/appointments.

Follow the show so a new permission slip finds you each week, and share it with a widow who needs to hear it.

Website: emberandbloomcoaching.com

You are not alone in this.

In the first two weeks after Gary died, my phone never stopped. Then somewhere around week six, it got quiet. Some of the people I was most sure of were the ones I never heard from again. In this episode, I talk about the second loss nobody prepares you for, and the idea that finally took the sting out of it for me. Relationships have seasons. All of them, our whole lives long. I share why the people who disappeared were never a report card on my worth, and how their absence left room for the people I really need in this stage of my life. If your circle looks different than you thought it would, this one is for you.

Widow's Permission Slips is a production of Ember & Bloom Coaching for Widows, hosted by Gladys Jean Ullstam, certified life coach and Gary's widow.

If you are ready to be met exactly where you are, my free discovery call, Holding the Ember, is open at emberandbloomcoaching.com/appointments.

Follow the show so a new permission slip finds you each week, and share it with a widow who needs to hear it.

Website: emberandbloomcoaching.com

You are not alone in this.

A few weeks after Gary died, I had to fill out a form at the bank. Marital status. Single. Married. Divorced. Widowed. My pen just stopped. In this episode, I talk about the question that shows up in waiting rooms and quiet kitchens after your person dies. Who am I now? I share why the word widow felt like it only took things away, the realization that changed how I carry it, and how the answer to the identity question comes one small choice at a time. If you don't quite recognize yourself right now, this one is for you.

Widow's Permission Slips is a production of Ember & Bloom Coaching for Widows, hosted by Gladys Jean Ullstam, certified life coach and Gary's widow.

If you are ready to be met exactly where you are, my free discovery call, Holding the Ember, is open at emberandbloomcoaching.com/appointments.

Follow the show so a new permission slip finds you each week, and share it with a widow who needs to hear it.

Website: emberandbloomcoaching.com

You are not alone in this.

July 20th - MONDAY Permission Slip 
Strong. You're so strong, I don't know how you do it, you're handling this so well. People hand widows that word like a gift, but if you've been widowed more than a few weeks, you know it starts to feel less like a gift and more like a job. In this episode, I talk about the day I hit the wall, bone tired of holding it all together, and why that kind of tired is not weakness or failing at grief. I share the picture that changed how I see it, the heavy box everyone praises you for carrying but nobody offers to take, and one small thing you can try this week to finally set it down. Real strength was never about staying steady and dry-eyed. You're allowed to stop being brave. 

Widow's Permission Slips is a production of Ember & Bloom Coaching for Widows, hosted by Gladys Jean Ullstam, certified life coach and Gary's widow.

If you are ready to be met exactly where you are, my free discovery call, Holding the Ember, is open at emberandbloomcoaching.com/appointments.

Follow the show so a new permission slip finds you each week, and share it with a widow who needs to hear it.

Website: emberandbloomcoaching.com

You are not alone in this.