Willingness refers to the ability to be open, receptive, and engaged in the present moment. It involves a mindset of acceptance and a willingness to participate fully in the process of change. Willingness is about being open to new experiences, perspectives, and strategies that can help you improve your overall well-being. Willingness is recognizing the reality of the situation and being an effective problem solver. It is the opposite of resistance, or fighting what is happening and refusing to tolerate the facts around you.

We often see in popular culture the admiration of grit and willpower. There is this idea that if you are not succeeding in something it's because you lack willpower and you just need to buckle down and try harder. Refuse anything but your strictly planned goal! In DBT, this is referred to as willfulness, and we see it as a limiting way of looking at a problem.

Willfulness refers to a state of stubbornness or resistance to change. It involves having a rigid or an inflexible mindset and refusing to consider alternative viewpoints or approaches. Willfulness is seen as a barrier to behavioral change. It can manifest as an unwillingness to try new coping skills or a reluctance to acknowledge and address problematic behaviors. Willfulness can stem from an individual’s fear of change, a desire to maintain control, or a belief that one’s current strategies are the only valid ones.

In real life, some things can’t be changed or aren’t worth changing, and instead, we need to recognize the reality and be flexible in our problem solving. In this exercise, we are going to practice willingness - a skill that will help you find creative and flexible solutions to your problem. By cultivating willingness, you can learn to approach challenging situations or emotions with an open mind and a willingness to experience them fully. This can lead to greater self-awareness, emotional regulation, and personal growth!