Wire Talk with Karen Stubbs

Is the holiday season already stressing you out? Today Karen and Emily are sharing four practical ways to keep your sanity this Christmas, from setting a budget and managing expectations to navigating tricky family relationships. We hope this episode will help you slow down, let go of some expectations, and enjoy the season with your family!

Episode Recap:

• The holiday season seems to hit earlier and get bigger each year (2:00)
• We have to swim against the current to stay sane (4:48)
• Make a plan EARLY (6:36)
• Set a budget and set others’ expectations (8:00)
• Lower your own expectations (10:45)
• Don’t engage in negativity (17:14)
• Give grace to your in-laws and extended family (19:19)
• Your kids will remember how they felt, not what they did (21:00)

Want More of This Conversation?
Wire Talk INSIDERS will hear Karen and Emily answer listener questions about engaging a non-helpful husband at the holidays, handling a passive-aggressive mother-in-law, and lowering the cost of gift exchanges by getting creative!

Become an Insider today to get bonus content each week and join quarterly Zoom Q&As with Karen.

Scripture: Proverbs 17:22 (NIV) A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones. 

Discussion Questions:

1. What causes you the most stress during the holidays? What could you do differently this year to avoid it?
2. Are there expectations you've placed on yourself or your family that need to go this Christmas? What would happen if you let them go?
3.  Is there a family relationship that tends to steal your joy during the holidays? How can you choose not to engage in negativity this year?
4. Re-listen to minutes 22:15-22:45 of the show. Which words best describe the kind of holiday season you’re hoping to have this year? What do you want your kids to remember about Christmas in your home?

Resources:

• Listen to Debbie Causey’s episode on boundaries
• Reach out to have Karen or Erin come speak in your community.

Talking to our kids about modesty can feel awkward, but it's a conversation worth having! Erin Mashaw, BOAW COO and author of Awkward Conversations, joins Emily to talk about shifting the conversation away from rules about what girls can and can't wear and toward something bigger: respect for ourselves, others, and God. If you've ever struggled with the "You're not wearing THAT!" conversation, this episode will give you practical language to help your kids think about modesty in a whole new way.

Episode Recap:

• It’s an awkward conversation worth having (4:22)
• Let’s shift the conversation toward respect (6:33)
• You are only responsible for you (9:00)
• Confidence doesn’t mean showing more skin (13:19)
• How do I handle the, “You’re not wearing that!” conversation?  (17:13)
• We want to give them tools to use when we aren’t around in the future (22:19)

Scripture: 1 Corinthians 10:23 (NIV) — “Everything is permissible,” but not everything is beneficial. “Everything is permissible,” but not everything builds up.”

Discussion Questions:

1. How have you talked about modesty with your kids? Have you focused more on rules about clothing or the heart behind their choices?
2. Erin talked about modesty as a matter of respect for ourselves, others, and God. How could that change the conversation in your home?
3. When your child wants to wear something you don't approve of, how do you respond? Are you teaching them to think for themselves or just enforcing a rule?
4. Are you putting more responsibility on your daughters than your sons when it comes to modesty? What might need to change?

Resources:

• Pre-order Erin’s new book Awkward Conversations today! 
• Reach out to have Karen or Erin come speak in your community.

Want More of This Conversation?
In Wire Talk+, Erin walks through real-life scenarios and gives moms practical scripts for navigating tricky conversations about bodies, clothing, and modesty. If you've ever struggled to find the right words in the moment, you won't want to miss this extra conversation.

Become an Insider today to get bonus content each week, join quarterly Zoom calls with Karen and sustain the ministry of this podcast!

When should you push your child to do something hard, and when is it better to back off? Today Karen and Emily are answering questions straight from our Wire Talk Insiders about stubborn kids, sibling bickering, big feelings, and building confidence. If you've ever wondered whether you're being too tough, too lenient, or just plain overthinking it, this episode is for you!

Episode Recap:

• Thanks to our WT Insiders for the questions today! (3:03)
• How do I motivate my stubborn and shy child?? (4:01)
• If I give my kids an inch, they take a mile. Help! (8:20)
• How do I handle sibling bickering? (10:43)
• How do I help my 7 year old handle big (to him) new things? (14:30)
• How do I build confidence in my kids? (18:30)
• How do I honor my husband when we disagree on something? (22:00)

Scripture: Proverbs 22:6 (NIV) — “Start children off on the way they should go, and even when they are old they will not turn from it.”

Discussion Questions:

1. Is there an area where you're pushing your child too hard or letting them off the hook too easily? How do you know the difference?
2. What is something your child is afraid to try right now? How can you help them face that fear?
3. Do you tend to overcorrect your kids or let things slide? What makes it hard for you to find the middle ground?
4. When you and your husband disagree about parenting, how do you handle it? Are you working as a team or letting your differences create tension?

Resources:

• Listen to marriage communication episode with guest Ted Lowe
• Reach out to have Karen or Erin come speak in your community.

Want More of This Conversation?
During Wire Talk+, Karen and Emily keep answering our Insider’s questions! Karen shares how she learned to trust her instincts as a mom, what to do when a parenting decision doesn't work out, and how to stop second-guessing every little thing.

Become an Insider today to get bonus content each week, join quarterly Zoom calls with Karen and sustain the ministry of this podcast! 

What if making life easier for our kids is actually making it harder for them to grow up? Counselor David Thomas joins Karen and Emily to explain why struggle is GOOD for our kids and how doing hard things builds confidence and capability. Listen in and you’ll be challenged to resist the urge to rescue your kids and give them room to grow!

Episode Recap:

• The pace of life has drastically changed in the last 30 years (3:00)
• Capability and confidence are built in the struggle to do hard things (7:15)
• We put too much emphasis on happiness (10:57)
• Why David intentionally signed his son up for a losing team one season (14:31)
• Narrating our own capability helps kids learn what it looks like in the real world (17:33)
• How can parents re-train their brains to allow more struggle in their kids’ lives? (24:47)
• A challenge for moms of boys! (30:30)

Scripture: Romans 5:3-4 (NIV) — “Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope.”

Discussion Questions:

1. Where are you making life easier for your kids when you need to be allowing them to struggle? Where should you step back? 
2. Do you let your kids see when life gets hard for you? How do you model perseverance in your own life? 
3. Are you more focused on your child’s happiness today or their character in the long run? How does that affect the decisions you make as a parent? 

Resources:

• Find resources for raising capable kids at: https://www.raisingboysandgirls.com/
• Pick up a copy of Capable on Amazon
• Reach out to have Karen or Erin come speak in your community.

Want More of This Conversation?
Dads bring something unique to the parenting table! In Wire Talk+, David Thomas shares how dads help build capability in their kids, plus practical advice for moms who want to connect better with their sons and dads who want stronger relationships with their daughters. Don’t miss this extra conversation!

Become an Insider today to get bonus content each week, join quarterly Zoom calls with Karen and sustain the ministry of this podcast!

What if one of the best things we can do for our kids is let them struggle? Mom of eight and founder of The Exchange, Elizabeth Pehrson, joins Karen and Emily to talk about parenting for the long game. If you have a hard time watching your child fail, forget, or face the consequences of their choices, this conversation is for you! We hope it will encourage you to loosen your grip and trust God with the outcome.

Episode Recap:

• Your job as a parent is to make sure they don’t need you - the hardest part is accepting your success (4:26)
• Long game parenting asks, “Who do I want my child to be at 25, 35, 45?” (6:45)
• How do we get more comfortable with watching our kids struggle? (9:37)
• Allowing them to experience natural consequences is loving (12:02)
• Practical examples of starting out small with independence (16:00)
• Trusting the Lord is the foundation of success in parenting (19:29)
• You are preparing them for leaving you (22:00)

Scripture: Proverbs 3:5–6 (NIV) — “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.”

Discussion Questions:

1. How comfortable are you letting your child fail or experience natural consequences? What makes it hard for you to step back?
2. Think about your child at 25, 35, or 45. What kind of adult are you hoping to raise, and is the way you're parenting today moving them toward that?
3. Where do you need to loosen your grip and trust God more with your child?

Resources:

• Connect with Elizabeth on IG: @long_game_parenting
• Reach out to have Karen or Erin come speak in your community.
• Atlanta moms - sign up for Mom Core Live! - a short term group with Karen and Erin

Want More of This Conversation?
In Wire Talk+, Karen and Emily ask, “How much should I really know about my kid?” They talk about technology (hello Life360), over-functioning, and knowing when staying informed crosses the line into keeping our kids from growing up.

Become an Insider today to get bonus content each week, join quarterly Zoom calls with Karen and sustain the ministry of this podcast! 

Parenting a neurodivergent child can feel lonely, especially when the people around you don’t understand what everyday life looks like. Counselor Dr. Chinwé Williams joins Karen and Emily to unpack neurodivergence, executive functioning, and the important difference between “won’t” and “can’t.” Whether you’re raising a neurodivergent child or want to better understand a friend who is, this conversation will help you respond with more empathy and grace.

Episode Recap:

• What does neurodivergent mean and who falls under that umbrella? (2:56)
• How do I know if it’s an actual skill deficit or simply a will deficit?’ (4:41)
• What is executive functioning and how do I know if my kid struggles with it? (7:53)
• Don’t get into unnecessary power struggles (13:08)
• How do we advocate for our child without removing all obstacles for them? (14:50)

Scripture: 1 Corinthians 12:18 (NIV) — “But in fact God has placed the parts in the body, every one of them, just as he wanted them to be.”

Discussion Questions:

1. Where are you most tempted to compare your child’s abilities or behavior to other kids their age?
2. How could asking, “Is this a skill deficit or a will deficit?” change the way you respond to frustrating behavior?
3. Where are you getting pulled into unnecessary power struggles with your child? What could you do differently?
4. How can you advocate for and support your child while still allowing them to experience challenges that build independence and resilience?

Resources:

• Listen to last week’s episode with Dr. Chinwé
• Pick up a copy of Calm, Courageous, and Connected
• Sign up for Dr. Chinwé’s free monthly newsletter online
• Connect on IG: @dr.chinwewilliams
• Reach out to have Karen or Erin come speak in your community.
• Atlanta moms - sign up for Mom Core Live! - a short term group with Karen and Erin

Want More of This Conversation?
In Wire Talk+, Dr. Chinwé Williams opens up about her own journey processing an autism diagnosis and gets practical with specific strategies for the real-life parenting moments that can leave us wondering, What do I do now?

Become an Insider today to get bonus content each week, join quarterly Zoom calls with Karen and sustain the ministry of this podcast!

Big emotions can leave even the most confident mom wondering, Is this normal… or should I be concerned? Counselor Dr. Chinwé Williams joins Karen and Emily to explain what’s happening in our kids’ brains when they completely lose it and how we can partner with them to teach coping skills so they can move toward handling hard emotions on their own.

Episode Recap:

• Are kids struggling with mental health more these days or are we just better at recognizing it? (2:32)
• As young as age 5, kids are struggling with ‘task persistence’ (4:41)
• Anxiety is a sign - it’s not the enemy (8:54)
• Understanding the upstairs vs. downstairs brain (15:48)
• How do we help our child via co-regulation? (20:04)
• Where’s the line between attachment science and gentle parenting? (22:50)

Scripture:  James 1:19 (NIV) — “Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.”

Discussion Questions:

1. When your child has big emotions, what’s your first instinct: fix it, stop it, discipline it, or help them through it?
2. Dr. Williams said anxiety is a sign, not the enemy. What might your child’s anxiety be telling you right now?
3. How well do you stay regulated when your child is dysregulated? What tends to send you over the edge with them?
4. Is there an area where you’re stepping in too quickly instead of giving your child a chance to struggle, persist, and build confidence?

Resources:

• Pick up a copy of Calm, Courageous, and Connected
• Sign up for Dr. Chinwé’s free monthly newsletter online
• Connect on IG: @dr.chinwewilliams
• Reach out to have Karen or Erin come speak in your community.
• Atlanta moms - sign up for Mom Core Live! - a short term group with Karen and Erin

Want More of This Conversation?
In Wire Talk+, Dr. Chinwé Williams gets incredibly practical about what to say and do during a meltdown—including how to respond when your child’s big emotions trigger your own.

Become an Insider today to get bonus content each week, join quarterly Zoom calls with Karen and sustain the ministry of this podcast! 

Working moms carry a lot, and sometimes we make the load even heavier by carrying things God never asked us to! Erin Mashaw joins Karen and Emily to talk about mom guilt, comparison, and that nagging feeling that you’re always disappointing someone.If you’re constantly wondering whether you’re doing enough at work or at home, we hope this conversation will help you put down some of that weight! 

Episode Recap:

• Every season looks different in the life of a working mom (0:50)
• Being a working mom can feel like you are constantly disappointing someone (3:30)
• Between the physical and the emotional, working moms are constantly busy (6:00)
• The story of Martha shows us that we often carry things God has not given us (8:20)
• How do we move away from a comparison mentality? (11:25)
• Our kids don’t need perfect moms, they need us to be honest and real (14:26)
• Your ‘race’ is unique to your family and your circumstances (17:21)

Scripture: Luke 10:40-42 (NIV) 
“But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, “Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!”

“Martha, Martha,” the Lord answered, “you are worried and upset about many things,  but few things are needed—or indeed only one. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.”

Discussion Questions:

1. Where do you feel the most pressure to “do it all” right now? Is that pressure actually coming from God?
2. Do you ever feel like you’re disappointing someone no matter what you choose? How does that affect the way you show up at work or at home?
3. Where are you comparing your family or your motherhood to someone else’s? 
4. What are you carrying right now that God may never have asked you to carry?

Resources:

• Follow Erin Mashaw online: @erinmashaw 
• Reach out to have Karen or Erin come speak in your community.
• Atlanta moms - sign up for Mom Core Live! A short term group with Karen and Erin beginning the week of October 13th. 

Want More of This Conversation?
Wire Talk INSIDERS will hear Karen and Erin share helpful boundaries they have put in place to balance and honor both work and family. Plus - don’t miss the printable chart to help you assess “What’s Mine to Carry?”

Become an Insider today to get bonus content each week, join quarterly Zoom calls with Karen and sustain the ministry of this podcast! 

Boundaries can feel uncomfortable, but they’re essential for healthy relationships! Counsellor Debbie Causey joins Karen and Emily today to explain what healthy boundaries actually look like, how over-functioning hurts the people we’re trying to help, and how to know when it’s time to say no. If boundaries are hard for you, you’ll walk away with practical tools, including how to start with a few “baby nos” to protect your relationships without building walls.

Episode Recap:

• Why are boundaries a universal struggle? (2:40)
• Healthy boundaries aren’t a wall, they’re a fence with a gate (4:11)
• We need to learn the difference between a burden and a backpack (6:45)
• How can I tell if I have a boundary issue with someone else? (10:54)
• Over-functioning teaches people to be lazy and steals their confidence (14:15)
• What's the difference between setting a boundary and just avoiding people? (16:00)
• Get someone objective in the situation if you need to (22:36)
• Practice saying “ baby” nos (23:31)

Scripture: Galatians 6:2-5 (NIV) 
“Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ. If anyone thinks they are something when they are not, they deceive themselves. Each one should test their own actions. Then they can take pride in themselves alone, without comparing themselves to someone else, for each one should carry their own load.”

Discussion Questions:

1. Is there a relationship where you’re carrying someone else’s “backpack”? What would it look like to hand that responsibility back to them?
2. Where are you over-functioning for someone in a way that may actually be keeping them from growing?
3. What’s one “baby no” you need to practice saying this week? What makes that ‘no’ difficult for you?

Resources:

• Need more on Boundaries with your kids ? Listen to episode 494! 
• Pick up a copy of Boundaries by Dr. Henry Cloud & John Townsend
• Reach out to have Karen come speak in your community.

Want More of This Conversation?
During Wire Talk+, Debbie shares a personal story of when she got it really wrong by not having boundaries and leaves us with encouragement about how boundaries can change your life for the better!

Become an Insider today to get bonus content each week, join quarterly Zoom calls with Karen and sustain the ministry of this podcast! 

Sometimes it's not the kids - it's the adults around them that make parenting so difficult! Today we are answering your questions about difficult in-laws, boundaries with extended family, and tricky friendships that can make even simple parenting scenarios more complicated. Tune in and learn something practical to help you navigate whatever you're facing this week.

Episode Recap:

• Should I re-engage my family of origin? Historically, it has been painful. (5:30)
• I’m struggling with my sister-in-law who tries to parent my kids (8:30)
• We are raising our kids far from family - how do I bring this grief to God? (11:55)
• One of my close friend’s children is just plain destructive, how do I handle that? (16:07)

Scripture: Romans 12:18 (NIV) 
“If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.”

Discussion Questions:

1. Generally speaking, are boundaries easy for you to create? 
2. Is there a relationship in your life that regularly makes parenting harder? What specifically is creating tension?
3. Where do you need a clearer boundary with extended family? What keeps you from setting it?
4. Are you carrying grief over the family relationships you wish your kids had? Have you honestly brought that disappointment to God?

Resources:

• Use code WT20 to get $20 off SOAR registration today! 
• Pick up a copy of Boundaries by Dr. Henry Cloud & John Townsend
• Reach out to have Karen come speak in your community.

Want More of This Conversation?
During Wire Talk+, Karen and Emily share real-life examples of how boundaries have brought freedom to their relationships and Karen offers her best in-law advice!

Become an Insider today to get bonus content each week, join quarterly Zoom calls with Karen and sustain the ministry of this podcast!