Wire Talk with Karen Stubbs

What if making life easier for our kids is actually making it harder for them to grow up? Counselor David Thomas joins Karen and Emily to explain why struggle is GOOD for our kids and how doing hard things builds confidence and capability. Listen in and you’ll be challenged to resist the urge to rescue your kids and give them room to grow!

Episode Recap:

• The pace of life has drastically changed in the last 30 years (3:00)
• Capability and confidence are built in the struggle to do hard things (7:15)
• We put too much emphasis on happiness (10:57)
• Why David intentionally signed his son up for a losing team one season (14:31)
• Narrating our own capability helps kids learn what it looks like in the real world (17:33)
• How can parents re-train their brains to allow more struggle in their kids’ lives? (24:47)
• A challenge for moms of boys! (30:30)

Scripture: Romans 5:3-4 (NIV) — “Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope.”

Discussion Questions:

1. Where are you making life easier for your kids when you need to be allowing them to struggle? Where should you step back? 
2. Do you let your kids see when life gets hard for you? How do you model perseverance in your own life? 
3. Are you more focused on your child’s happiness today or their character in the long run? How does that affect the decisions you make as a parent? 

Resources:

• Find resources for raising capable kids at: https://www.raisingboysandgirls.com/
• Pick up a copy of Capable on Amazon
• Reach out to have Karen or Erin come speak in your community.

Want More of This Conversation?
Dads bring something unique to the parenting table! In Wire Talk+, David Thomas shares how dads help build capability in their kids, plus practical advice for moms who want to connect better with their sons and dads who want stronger relationships with their daughters. Don’t miss this extra conversation!

Become an Insider today to get bonus content each week, join quarterly Zoom calls with Karen and sustain the ministry of this podcast!

What if one of the best things we can do for our kids is let them struggle? Mom of eight and founder of The Exchange, Elizabeth Pehrson, joins Karen and Emily to talk about parenting for the long game. If you have a hard time watching your child fail, forget, or face the consequences of their choices, this conversation is for you! We hope it will encourage you to loosen your grip and trust God with the outcome.

Episode Recap:

• Your job as a parent is to make sure they don’t need you - the hardest part is accepting your success (4:26)
• Long game parenting asks, “Who do I want my child to be at 25, 35, 45?” (6:45)
• How do we get more comfortable with watching our kids struggle? (9:37)
• Allowing them to experience natural consequences is loving (12:02)
• Practical examples of starting out small with independence (16:00)
• Trusting the Lord is the foundation of success in parenting (19:29)
• You are preparing them for leaving you (22:00)

Scripture: Proverbs 3:5–6 (NIV) — “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.”

Discussion Questions:

1. How comfortable are you letting your child fail or experience natural consequences? What makes it hard for you to step back?
2. Think about your child at 25, 35, or 45. What kind of adult are you hoping to raise, and is the way you're parenting today moving them toward that?
3. Where do you need to loosen your grip and trust God more with your child?

Resources:

• Connect with Elizabeth on IG: @long_game_parenting
• Reach out to have Karen or Erin come speak in your community.
• Atlanta moms - sign up for Mom Core Live! - a short term group with Karen and Erin

Want More of This Conversation?
In Wire Talk+, Karen and Emily ask, “How much should I really know about my kid?” They talk about technology (hello Life360), over-functioning, and knowing when staying informed crosses the line into keeping our kids from growing up.

Become an Insider today to get bonus content each week, join quarterly Zoom calls with Karen and sustain the ministry of this podcast! 

Parenting a neurodivergent child can feel lonely, especially when the people around you don’t understand what everyday life looks like. Counselor Dr. Chinwé Williams joins Karen and Emily to unpack neurodivergence, executive functioning, and the important difference between “won’t” and “can’t.” Whether you’re raising a neurodivergent child or want to better understand a friend who is, this conversation will help you respond with more empathy and grace.

Episode Recap:

• What does neurodivergent mean and who falls under that umbrella? (2:56)
• How do I know if it’s an actual skill deficit or simply a will deficit?’ (4:41)
• What is executive functioning and how do I know if my kid struggles with it? (7:53)
• Don’t get into unnecessary power struggles (13:08)
• How do we advocate for our child without removing all obstacles for them? (14:50)

Scripture: 1 Corinthians 12:18 (NIV) — “But in fact God has placed the parts in the body, every one of them, just as he wanted them to be.”

Discussion Questions:

1. Where are you most tempted to compare your child’s abilities or behavior to other kids their age?
2. How could asking, “Is this a skill deficit or a will deficit?” change the way you respond to frustrating behavior?
3. Where are you getting pulled into unnecessary power struggles with your child? What could you do differently?
4. How can you advocate for and support your child while still allowing them to experience challenges that build independence and resilience?

Resources:

• Listen to last week’s episode with Dr. Chinwé
• Pick up a copy of Calm, Courageous, and Connected
• Sign up for Dr. Chinwé’s free monthly newsletter online
• Connect on IG: @dr.chinwewilliams
• Reach out to have Karen or Erin come speak in your community.
• Atlanta moms - sign up for Mom Core Live! - a short term group with Karen and Erin

Want More of This Conversation?
In Wire Talk+, Dr. Chinwé Williams opens up about her own journey processing an autism diagnosis and gets practical with specific strategies for the real-life parenting moments that can leave us wondering, What do I do now?

Become an Insider today to get bonus content each week, join quarterly Zoom calls with Karen and sustain the ministry of this podcast!

Big emotions can leave even the most confident mom wondering, Is this normal… or should I be concerned? Counselor Dr. Chinwé Williams joins Karen and Emily to explain what’s happening in our kids’ brains when they completely lose it and how we can partner with them to teach coping skills so they can move toward handling hard emotions on their own.

Episode Recap:

• Are kids struggling with mental health more these days or are we just better at recognizing it? (2:32)
• As young as age 5, kids are struggling with ‘task persistence’ (4:41)
• Anxiety is a sign - it’s not the enemy (8:54)
• Understanding the upstairs vs. downstairs brain (15:48)
• How do we help our child via co-regulation? (20:04)
• Where’s the line between attachment science and gentle parenting? (22:50)

Scripture:  James 1:19 (NIV) — “Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.”

Discussion Questions:

1. When your child has big emotions, what’s your first instinct: fix it, stop it, discipline it, or help them through it?
2. Dr. Williams said anxiety is a sign, not the enemy. What might your child’s anxiety be telling you right now?
3. How well do you stay regulated when your child is dysregulated? What tends to send you over the edge with them?
4. Is there an area where you’re stepping in too quickly instead of giving your child a chance to struggle, persist, and build confidence?

Resources:

• Pick up a copy of Calm, Courageous, and Connected
• Sign up for Dr. Chinwé’s free monthly newsletter online
• Connect on IG: @dr.chinwewilliams
• Reach out to have Karen or Erin come speak in your community.
• Atlanta moms - sign up for Mom Core Live! - a short term group with Karen and Erin

Want More of This Conversation?
In Wire Talk+, Dr. Chinwé Williams gets incredibly practical about what to say and do during a meltdown—including how to respond when your child’s big emotions trigger your own.

Become an Insider today to get bonus content each week, join quarterly Zoom calls with Karen and sustain the ministry of this podcast! 

Working moms carry a lot, and sometimes we make the load even heavier by carrying things God never asked us to! Erin Mashaw joins Karen and Emily to talk about mom guilt, comparison, and that nagging feeling that you’re always disappointing someone.If you’re constantly wondering whether you’re doing enough at work or at home, we hope this conversation will help you put down some of that weight! 

Episode Recap:

• Every season looks different in the life of a working mom (0:50)
• Being a working mom can feel like you are constantly disappointing someone (3:30)
• Between the physical and the emotional, working moms are constantly busy (6:00)
• The story of Martha shows us that we often carry things God has not given us (8:20)
• How do we move away from a comparison mentality? (11:25)
• Our kids don’t need perfect moms, they need us to be honest and real (14:26)
• Your ‘race’ is unique to your family and your circumstances (17:21)

Scripture: Luke 10:40-42 (NIV) 
“But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, “Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!”

“Martha, Martha,” the Lord answered, “you are worried and upset about many things,  but few things are needed—or indeed only one. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.”

Discussion Questions:

1. Where do you feel the most pressure to “do it all” right now? Is that pressure actually coming from God?
2. Do you ever feel like you’re disappointing someone no matter what you choose? How does that affect the way you show up at work or at home?
3. Where are you comparing your family or your motherhood to someone else’s? 
4. What are you carrying right now that God may never have asked you to carry?

Resources:

• Follow Erin Mashaw online: @erinmashaw 
• Reach out to have Karen or Erin come speak in your community.
• Atlanta moms - sign up for Mom Core Live! A short term group with Karen and Erin beginning the week of October 13th. 

Want More of This Conversation?
Wire Talk INSIDERS will hear Karen and Erin share helpful boundaries they have put in place to balance and honor both work and family. Plus - don’t miss the printable chart to help you assess “What’s Mine to Carry?”

Become an Insider today to get bonus content each week, join quarterly Zoom calls with Karen and sustain the ministry of this podcast! 

Boundaries can feel uncomfortable, but they’re essential for healthy relationships! Counsellor Debbie Causey joins Karen and Emily today to explain what healthy boundaries actually look like, how over-functioning hurts the people we’re trying to help, and how to know when it’s time to say no. If boundaries are hard for you, you’ll walk away with practical tools, including how to start with a few “baby nos” to protect your relationships without building walls.

Episode Recap:

• Why are boundaries a universal struggle? (2:40)
• Healthy boundaries aren’t a wall, they’re a fence with a gate (4:11)
• We need to learn the difference between a burden and a backpack (6:45)
• How can I tell if I have a boundary issue with someone else? (10:54)
• Over-functioning teaches people to be lazy and steals their confidence (14:15)
• What's the difference between setting a boundary and just avoiding people? (16:00)
• Get someone objective in the situation if you need to (22:36)
• Practice saying “ baby” nos (23:31)

Scripture: Galatians 6:2-5 (NIV) 
“Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ. If anyone thinks they are something when they are not, they deceive themselves. Each one should test their own actions. Then they can take pride in themselves alone, without comparing themselves to someone else, for each one should carry their own load.”

Discussion Questions:

1. Is there a relationship where you’re carrying someone else’s “backpack”? What would it look like to hand that responsibility back to them?
2. Where are you over-functioning for someone in a way that may actually be keeping them from growing?
3. What’s one “baby no” you need to practice saying this week? What makes that ‘no’ difficult for you?

Resources:

• Need more on Boundaries with your kids ? Listen to episode 494! 
• Pick up a copy of Boundaries by Dr. Henry Cloud & John Townsend
• Reach out to have Karen come speak in your community.

Want More of This Conversation?
During Wire Talk+, Debbie shares a personal story of when she got it really wrong by not having boundaries and leaves us with encouragement about how boundaries can change your life for the better!

Become an Insider today to get bonus content each week, join quarterly Zoom calls with Karen and sustain the ministry of this podcast! 

Sometimes it's not the kids - it's the adults around them that make parenting so difficult! Today we are answering your questions about difficult in-laws, boundaries with extended family, and tricky friendships that can make even simple parenting scenarios more complicated. Tune in and learn something practical to help you navigate whatever you're facing this week.

Episode Recap:

• Should I re-engage my family of origin? Historically, it has been painful. (5:30)
• I’m struggling with my sister-in-law who tries to parent my kids (8:30)
• We are raising our kids far from family - how do I bring this grief to God? (11:55)
• One of my close friend’s children is just plain destructive, how do I handle that? (16:07)

Scripture: Romans 12:18 (NIV) 
“If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.”

Discussion Questions:

1. Generally speaking, are boundaries easy for you to create? 
2. Is there a relationship in your life that regularly makes parenting harder? What specifically is creating tension?
3. Where do you need a clearer boundary with extended family? What keeps you from setting it?
4. Are you carrying grief over the family relationships you wish your kids had? Have you honestly brought that disappointment to God?

Resources:

• Use code WT20 to get $20 off SOAR registration today! 
• Pick up a copy of Boundaries by Dr. Henry Cloud & John Townsend
• Reach out to have Karen come speak in your community.

Want More of This Conversation?
During Wire Talk+, Karen and Emily share real-life examples of how boundaries have brought freedom to their relationships and Karen offers her best in-law advice!

Become an Insider today to get bonus content each week, join quarterly Zoom calls with Karen and sustain the ministry of this podcast! 

Have you ever looked at your child and wondered, Where in the world is this behavior coming from? If you’re feeling overwhelmed by big emotions, difficult behavior, or a child you just can’t seem to figure out, this episode is for you. Karen and Emily share practical insight and tools to help you better understand your child and respond with confidence instead of frustration.

Episode Recap:

• Sign up for SOAR today!  (1:32)
• My 10 yr old is so domineering that other kids don’t want to play with him (3:44)
• My ADHD daughter cannot control her temper and hits frequently (5:39)
• My son has been horribly mean to us lately, what could be wrong that he has started to treat us this way? (10:05)
• It’s okay to pause and remind your kids of your family’s rules (13:25)
• When we discipline our son, he takes his anger out on our Sheetrock (18:09)

Scripture: James 1:19-20 (NIV)
“My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires.”

Discussion Questions:

1. What behavior in your child scares/worries you the most right now? Are you dealing with what’s actually happening, or are you catastrophizing about where it could lead?
2. Karen talked about knowing her children’s sin tendencies. Do you know your child’s? Have you asked God to show you what’s really going on in their heart?
3. When your child loses control, do you tend to lose control too? What would it look like for you to pause before responding?
4. Is there a behavior you’ve been excusing that actually needs a clear boundary or consequence? What do you need to address this week?

Resources:

• Use code WT20 to get $20 off SOAR registration today! 
• Listen to past ADHD specific episodes: 207, 208, 530
• Reach out to have Karen come speak in your community.
• Become a WT+ Insider this month and get an exclusive SOAR discount! 

Want More of This Conversation?
During Wire Talk+, Karen pulls back the curtain on what discipline really looked like in the Stubbs home, plus she and Emily talk about how to keep from catastrophizing when our kids’ behavior scares us.

Become an Insider today to get bonus content each week, join quarterly Zoom calls with Karen and sustain the ministry of this podcast.

Ever wish God would just TELL you what to do? Today, Karen and Emily tackle parenting decisions that don’t have a clear right or wrong answer; from kindergarten readiness and family size to going back to work and navigating technology at school. If you’re facing a parenting dilemma, we hope this episode helps you pray, trust God’s guidance, and move forward with confidence. 

Episode Recap:

• SOAR is only one month away! Sign up today (2:00)
• Should I redshirt my Kindergartener? (2:40)
• How do you know when you are done having kids? (5:39)
• Is there a time that it’s wise to stop having kids? (7:20)
• How do I know if it’s time to go back to work or if I should continue staying home? (10:44)
• I’m frustrated about the amount of technology my young child is using at school (14:58)
• Practical capability exercises for each age group (18:00)

Scripture: Proverbs 3:5-6 (NIV) 
“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.”

Discussion Questions:

1. Is there a parenting decision you are wrestling with right now?
2. What influences your decisions most: fear, opinions, practicality, or prayer?
3. How can you invite God into a decision you’re facing?
4. What parenting decision once felt huge but seems much smaller in hindsight?

Resources:

• Use code WT20 to get $20 off SOAR registration today! 
• Reach out to have Karen come speak in your community.
• Become a WT+ Insider this month and get an exclusive SOAR discount! 

Want More of This Conversation?
Wire Talk+ moms will hear Karen share some of the parenting decisions that kept her up at night!

Become an Insider today to hear more from Sissy and help us reach our goal of 400 subscribers this year! 

Kids today are becoming increasingly afraid of risk and discomfort- are parents part of the problem? Today bestselling author and counselor Sissy Goff joins Karen and Emily to talk about her new book, Capable, and why loving our kids well sometimes means encouraging them to do hard things. Sissy shares how moms can manage their own anxiety and trust their parenting instincts to prepare their kids for greater confidence. Don’t miss the absolutely brilliant catchphrases she offers for reminding kids that hard isn’t a bad thing! 

Episode Recap:

• Sissy is a therapist and counselor in Nashville who has been counseling families for 33 years! (1:30)
• Kids today more than ever are risk and discomfort avoidant (2:18)
• Parents are abdicating intuition for the sake of experts (5:19)
• We need to re-evaluate what it means to love our kids well (7:00)
• How can we let go of our own anxiety to help our kids step up in independence? (13:30)
• The three Cs of Capability (16:17)
• Practical capability exercises for each age group (18:00)

Scripture: James 2:1-4 (NIV)  
“Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds,  because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.”

Discussion Questions:

1. Where are you most tempted to step in and remove risk, discomfort, or struggle for your child?
2. How might your own anxiety be affecting your child’s willingness to try hard things independently?
3. What is one responsibility or challenge your child may be ready to handle without your help?
4. What words could you use this week to remind your child that something being hard does not mean it is bad?

Resources:

• Connect with Sissy: https://www.daystarcounseling.com/
• Pick up a copy of Capable on Amazon
• Use code WT20 to get $20 off SOAR registration today! 
• Reach out to have Karen come speak in your community.
• Become a WT+ Insider this month and get an exclusive SOAR discount! 

Want More of This Conversation?
Wire Talk+ moms will hear practical capability-building exercises for preschoolers through teenagers, along with specific phrases that help kids believe they can handle hard things.

Become an Insider today to hear more from Sissy and help us reach our goal of 400 subscribers this year!