In which – on the day after England’s 2006 World Cup exit – we wonder if it’s compulsory to cry at sporting events, list the films that make Word writers weep and the infuriating things people do at gigs, and wonder if there was ever a more flowery lyric than “Blasting, billowing, bursting forth/With the power of ten billion butterfly sneezes” and whether the Stones can be just as artificial as the Spice Girls.

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