^ look! i added audio this time! like a mini podcast omg it’s like we’re actually in the same room ^

when i was younger i’d weaponized vulnerability. i would tell (“confess”) people “secret” things in hopes that that would make them stay in my life. even if it was out of pity, they’d at least be in my life and i’d be happy(?)

i’m sure there’s a term for it (probably manipulation) but i call it word vomit because it’s exactly what it sounds like. you just vomit out words like food poisoning. i don’t do this anymore, certainly not consciously but i believe we all sometimes slip into old habits when we find ourselves in unfamiliar and, possibly, unsafe situations.

have you ever word-vomited on someone for any reason?

word vomit doesn’t always require a second party; i mean, even actual vomiting doesn’t! in fact, i’m sure if you felt sick to your stomach, you’d much rather vomit in private. you’d run to the bathroom and lock the door behind you and kneel over the toilet, disgraced and ashamed, hoping that your prayers are sincere enough to be quickly answered.

word vomit, party of one, can be all that detrimental self-talk. those awkward self-deprecating jokes that are only funny the first two times. and while there’s only one victim (you), that only makes it more difficult to ask for help from your community.

in fact, the only way that actual vomit is better than word vomit is that the former is viscerally tangible; the latter, unfortunately, can be satisfyingly manipulative and is easily repeatable.

i was reminded of word vomit after watching ryder carroll’s video called the hidden dangers of journaling. yeah, i know: our favorite pastime has a dark side T^T

journaling can become written word vomit. however you record your life- bullet journal, private vlog, writing songs- if the only thing you record is bad stuff (word vomit) then, of course, all you’ll ever see is bad stuff (the mess, the putrid smell, the stains).

most of us do not need help to see the bad stuff and one reason for this is that seeing the good is kinda ignorant, yes, of the blissful kind. and so, like any other kind of exercise, you must consciously look for the good in your life.

if you’re going to exercise, exert a little effort.

in my new journaling resource, i write,

to excise the hidden dangers of journaling,

carroll suggests 3 simple tips:

* long form: journal when things are good

* journaling is often used to process the bad things that happen to us but honestly, we also need to process the good things not for fear of them being “too good to be true” (although that does happen) but so we don’t rely on the high of celebrations

* short-form: 2 good things a day

* even if you can only find 1 good thing you did technically find 2! that you noticed it at all is the second good thing #loopholes

* study your journal

* yeah, you absolutely have to study yourself. if you don’t know what triggers word vomit, it’ll be harder to avoid that trigger.

remember:

get to know yourself with the same amount of effort and passion you have in getting to know others, and honestly, if that’s also on the lower end, ask yourself why. what is it about people that exhaust you?

i know, i know.

introspection is hard work. i already don’t want people to perceive me and now i have to perceive myself?!

let’s end this!

on a good note :D the beauty you see in anything is a reflection of the beauty in you. so what will you do today to find beauty? will it be the way the creamer curls in your coffee? will it be the pupper you see in someone else’s car when you’re stuck in traffic? will it be your manager actually coming to your defense without the condescension?! will it be the employee accepting your return even though you lost your receipt? all you need is the one and you could get a whole domino effect going.

want my journaling resource for people who don’t journal?

i call it “This isn’t how it’s supposed to be!”, a journaling exercise for people who don’t journal but want to gain more self-awareness. and who doesn’t wanna be more self-aware?! that’s like an existential crisis every other day 🥳

you can also find me on instagram, twitter, and tiktok. (@franksmycousin)

song of the week:

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