I’m always the last one to the party when it comes to whatever whippors the younger generation is snapping. Just when I felt comfortable using words like “Bad” to describe something as good, I was told that I’m behind the times. Suddenly “Dope” was the term used for something good; no longer the term we used for drugs. Add to that the fact that being in possession of a particularly powerful drug meant that you had gotten your hands on “The Good Stuff”, and life could get confusing. This was all years ago while I was still a kid. I was the fogey among my friends, I suppose.
   But as I get older, I find the trend of lagging culturally behind has remained in place while the new slang gets more and more weird.
At one point in time, the phrase, “Sup Yo” was an admonition for a dude named Yo to partake in a meal or a glass of tea. Now it’s a question you ask in passing to your buddy or your ex gym teacher if he was the sort of educator who liked to “hang” with you or considered you his “homey”. Even recently, I was informed via a radio morning show (so you know it’s accurate)
that it is no longer acceptable to "LOL" anything. That’s apparently old school texting. I remember metal turn dial desk telephones that weighed the equivalent of a busload full of The Biggest Loser losers and now there’s an area of texting that is considered old school. I had just achieved the confidence of typing LOL without feeling stupid. Now we are to reply to something funny by typing out the actual sound. “HA HA” is the new cool. I’m okay with that. I actually feel better typing HA HA than I do LOL.
But I began thinking about what could possibly be the future of our language in terms of slang and texting procedures. And after mulling it over, I believe I have come to some pretty accurate predictions. Here now, is a list I have compiled through no small amount of mathematical and scientific hypothesis awesomeness.
HA HA.
   These are common phrases and words we may fully expect to see make a complete 180 in their descriptions. I think this list is pretty sick (meaning fantastic).

FLAPJACKS – You might expect this to mean something related to breakfast or
devices people with floppy skin might use to hike up their arm wings. But you’d be wrong. This will be the new alarm sounded when your team scores a touchdown in American football and likewise for something people call futbol. Now, when our team is
successful, we shall jump up and scream, “Thass right! FLAPJACKS boyeeeee!” My sources tell me this new form of expression will be considered quite “Sweet” (meaning “sick”, meaning “dope”, meaning “bad”, meaning “good”).

PEBBLES – The charming nuggets used for skipping over a pond or a popular Hanna
Barbara cartoon child who turned into a Hanna Barbara cartoon hottie in later years?
Absolutely not. It will be the new curse word favored by trash mouthed high schoolers all
over the good ol’ U.S. of A. It will be splattered willy-nilly across your social media
pages. “Did you see that pebbles jacket Heather was wearing? She looked like a pebbles
hobo. If I were Heather, I’d say pebbles that jacket. PEBBLES IT!” Parents will cringe
every time they hear the “P” word in movies and eventually on late night cable.
GRANNY - Sorry, guys. It’s the new hair-do for men. It will be all the rage to shave a
wide, bald strip right down the middle of your head from front to back. The hair left on
either side is then braided and glued into crazy shapes like lightning bolts and saw blades.
Why is it called the GRANNY? Who the heck knows?! The consensus is that this style,
much akin to the upside down afro men are sporting on their chins now that makes them
all look like they’re about to go minin’ fer gold up in them thar hills, will be accepted as
“killer” (meaning “sweet”, meaning “sick”, meaning “dope”, meaning “bad”, meaning
“good”).

SQTASTJIME (Text Initials) – I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking that can
only stand for, See? Q Tips Are Safe To Jam In My Ear. I can’t tell you how many times
that particular acronym would have come in handy before. But you are wrong, my friend.
Soon the world will text SQTASTJIME to convey the message, Sitting Quietly Taking A
Simple Test; Java Is My Electricity. Some Christian texters will replace the word Java for
Jesus. Jesus will be our electricity.

GOO – No longer a word for a sticky substance in the back of your refrigerator or that
stuff you wake up with in the corner of your eye. Believe it or not, it will be associated in
a familiar fashion as a nonsense word uttered by a toddler. However, the connotation will
be accusatory as if the recipient of the word in a text or comment is dumber than a small
drooling human. To pour salt on the wound, the word will eventually be replaced by a freakishly ugly baby doodle emoticon. How Adorable! – Speaking of ugly babies … This phrase will come to mean just the
opposite of how it sounds. A remark of this kind will tell the parents of a child, “THAT
IS AN UGLY BABY! PLEASE LEAVE AND GOOD DAY!”
GOOD DAY – Interestingly enough, “Good day” will come to mean, “I hope you
have to build an igloo out of bottle caps and newspapers to live in. And then I hope it
rains on your newspaper bottle cap igloo.”
As you can clearly see, our world is becoming increasingly hostile and it doesn’t look
to get any better. I hope, for humankind’s sake, that we get back to letting “yes” mean
“yes” and “no” mean “no”.
Stop changing our words on us and maybe communication will be easier, humanity
will get along, and we won’t be afraid to say what we feel.
So with that, I say God bless and good day.
Good day in the bad way.
Not the bad way as in “bad”, but as in sick.
Not sick as in nauseated, but, you know … dope. Oh, never mind. I’ll just go build my igloo.