Hope you're not running late to work this morning! Also, if you want a free breathalyzer, just perform fellatio.

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Articles:

 https://abc6onyourside.com/news/local/woman-leads-police-on-chase-after-being-late-for-work-in-northeast-ohio 

 https://www.huffpost.com/entry/bryan-wendler-dwi-breathalyzer-t-shirt_n_2568785