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There’s a very funny Instagram account that I follow called Sarcastic AA Book. It’s memes and jokes about sobriety, and I like the overall mentality of the person or people who produce it. Recovery is supposed to be fun, and I should be able to laugh at myself. So I’d encourage you to check out Sarcastic AA Book some time.

The meme that made me chuckle this week is one that says, “I really thought that by the time I was sober this long I’d know what the f**k I was doing.”

It really hits home because I do have sober impostor syndrome many days, where I think something or do something that makes me wonder, Am I sure I have been sober since 2008? Because that is not sober adult behavior or thought patterns.

That’s apparently a common theme because there are a bunch of old recovery sayings about it. I’ve heard many people say something along the lines of, “At one year sober, you get your marbles back, and at 10 years sober, you get to play with them.” I get that. I still think my marbles are being handled like a really strict library, where I have to go in and show proof of sobriety and then I get to check them out for a few days before returning them.

But here’s the thing about doubting my own recovery: I think it’s a positive—as long as I don’t beat myself up too much. Let me explain. At a meeting last night, we read Step Seven from the 12 steps and 12 traditions recovery book, which encourages us to humbly ask our higher powers to remove our character defects. I think the word “humility” is in that chapter at least 25 times. Over and over again, we are reminded to be humble, to have humility.

When I do enter the day realizing I don’t know everything, I am so much better off. There’s almost no harm in listening to people, to NOT having contempt prior to investigation, to NOT thinking “I’ve got this” or “I’ll figure it out.” That’s a trap I fall into on a regular basis to this day, where I am acting arrogant instead of confident.

I want to be a confident person. I think I live a good life now. I think I am a solid employee, dad, husband, neighbor, and so on. I don’t ever really benefit when I think that I am the No. 1 dad, the very best employee, the smartest guy on the block. That just hasn’t helped my sobriety at all—I don’t learn anything when my mind is closed because I think I know sooooooooo much already.

The bottom line is, I have found more success in recovery when I constantly ask for help, about big things, little things and everything in between. When I first got sober, I thought that was something you do at the beginning and then you can ease off being vulnerable. That hasn’t served me well. I need an open mind and an open heart—and a mouth that opens as little as possible. If I do that, maybe I can hang onto my marbles for a bit longer than usual…

ALCOHOLIC/ADDICT JOKE OF THE DAY

This newsletter is a place of joy and laughter about the deadly serious business of sobriety. So, as I will often do, let me close with a joke: 

A bouncer threw my buddy out of a bar five times in a ten-minute span. I patted the frustrated bouncer on the shoulder and said, “I think you put too much backspin on him.”

(Credit: AA Grapevine, September 2004, John L. from Walla Walla, Washington)

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