Cradle yourself in the arms of Joe Taylor to survive this insistent post-Halloween scare-o-ween: the ghost of Jimmy Stewart eats beans, Andrew has a 100% chance of getting ebola, and the scariest part of all—a guest will never arrive. Feat. Spooky Stories from Yahoo! Answers.

Devoid of guest, Lindsey and Andrew freeball their way through a podcast, exploring the real poop on topics like what decade it is, Lindsey’s exploding KKH fame, Seth Cohen’s kingdom of lies, and live-tweeting Cinderella’s ball. Feat. a round of Would You Dan Rather?

Jetsetter Keith Hollenkamp globetrots through the studio to tell his worldly tales of Turkish baths (i.e. buckets of water to the face), eating room-temperature fermented shark, and being rescued at sea by a dragon made of puffins. Feat. a round of Where in the World is Keithman Sandiego?

Prison ladies Andrew and Lindsey reconvene on the topics of nun hubris, mob dinner parties, talking slow and barely smiling, and the scariness of murder after rolling hard on Season 2 of Hey, Prison’s Fun Sometimes!  Feat. a round of Orange Is the New DAT ASS and also, tons of spoilers, globviously.

Dapper Southern gent and animation student Donnie Ferguson talks to us about the joys of learning to make movie magic. Feat. a round of Quotes 2/Quotesters University/The Inquotables/A Quote’s Life/Quote/Quote Fu Panda/How to Quote Your Dragon (1 & 2).

Thank The Rachel that guestpert Katie Prosise is NOT on a break from discussing the humors and hijinks of wildly different identical white people (#NotAllFriends) going commando and sticking their heads in turkeys in 1990s New York City. Feat. a round of Friends by Numbers.

Guestpert Dane Hunter takes Andrew and Lindsey from fence row to fence row on a comprehensive journey through the world of agriculture and family farming so that they can chain themselves to the land and spread their seed (corn) with all that sweet, sweet podcast money. Feat. a round of Rapid Farm. 

Griffin Candey talks to Opera Nicole Smith and classically-trained penis Andrew about monks, Cat Fancy, the lines where all the dots go, and classical music, a thing he knows a lot about and also *adjusts monocle* composes. Feat. a round of Mozfart. 

Andrew and Lindsey probst Lauren VanOsten on her imminent plan to be the next ruthless, cunning, and swords-for-hands-y sole survivor on the most popular reality show ever. Contains 14 years’ worth of spoilers and a round of Would You Richard Hatcher. 

Gardener Martha Mills drops by this week (with pickles!) to enlighten the overwintered Andrew and Lindsey on topics like growing delicious vegetables, using compost and yard poopies, and penis fly traps. Feat. a round of Down and Dirty and several minutes of the hosts eating food into the mics.