What do we think typically ruins relationships? Gossip? Anger? Lies? Unfortunately, we don’t often think of covetousness. But we should! God blames covetousness for our conflicts: "You desire and do not have, so you murder. You covet and cannot obtain, so you fight and quarrel" (James 4:2). We take it out on others when we don’t get what we want. “Desire and do not have” is synonymous with “covet and cannot obtain,” and “murder” is synonymous with “quarrels and…fights.” God repeats Himself to drive the point home: covetousness causes conflicts. Read this material from Being Content God’s Way, or watch the accompanying sermon, to learn how covetousness causes conflicts.

https://youtu.be/GDyrgF_iQDM

Covetousness causes conflict: "You desire and do not have, so you murder. You covet and cannot obtain, so you fight and quarrel" (James 4:2).

Table of contentsWe “Fight and Quarrel” Because We "Covet and Cannot Obtain"A Covetous Older BrotherCovetous Vineyard WorkersA Covetous KingFirst, We Shouldn’t Let God’s Grace Cause Us to CovetSecond, We Shouldn’t Let God’s Grace Cause Us to Be DiscontentThird, We Shouldn’t Let God’s Grace Cause Us to Be Bitter Toward GodFourth, We Shouldn’t Let God’s Grace Cause Us to Be Bitter Toward OthersTwo Final Points About CovetousnessFirst, Covetousness Is FruitlessSecond, Covetousness Is a Spiritual Versus Physical Problem

We had neighbors with four daughters. When we had our first child, Rhea, the two youngest daughters liked coming to see her. Katie became very close to them and watched them each morning, walked them to school, and then they returned to our house in the afternoon.

Over time, it became apparent that one of their older sisters, whom we will call Jennifer, disliked Katie. She was rude to Katie, and when she came to our house to get her younger sisters, she would pound on the door. Katie put a note next to the door asking people to knock quietly and not ring the doorbell because the baby could be sleeping. Although the note was not addressed to anyone, it was intended for Jennifer. The day Katie put up the note, Jennifer came over to get her two younger sisters, pounded on the door even louder than usual, and repeatedly rang the doorbell.

Instead of criticizing Jennifer for her behavior, Katie kindly asked her why she seemed to hate Katie so much. Jennifer broke down and shared that she coveted her little sisters’ relationships with Katie.

We “Fight and Quarrel” Because We "Covet and Cannot Obtain"

What do we think typically ruins relationships? Gossip? Anger? Lies? Unfortunately, we don’t often think of covetousness, but we should. Covetousness ruined Jennifer’s relationship with Katie, and God blames covetousness for our conflicts:

What causes quarrels and what causes fights among you? Is it not this, that your passions are at war within you? You desire and do not have, so you murder. You covet and cannot obtain, so you fight and quarrel (James 4:1-2).

We take it out on others when we don’t get what we want. In Jennifer’s case, she wasn’t getting the affection and attention she wanted from Katie, and she took it out on her. “Desire and do not have” is synonymous with “covet and cannot obtain,” and “murder” is synonymous with “quarrels and…fights.” God repeats Himself to drive the point home: covetousness causes conflicts. The same point is made elsewhere: “The greedy (or covetous) stir up conflict (Proverbs 28:25 NIV), and “the love of money (or covetousness) is a root of all kinds of evils” (1 Tiomthy 6:10).

We will examine three biblical accounts that demonstrate this so we can learn from them. We will look at the accounts back-to-back and then discuss their application.

A Covetous Older Brother

The prodigal son repented, returned home, and their “father said to his servants, ‘Bring quickly the best robe, and put it on him, and put a ring on his hand, and shoes on his feet. And bring the fattened calf and kill it, and let us eat and celebrate” (Luke 15:22-23). When the older brother learned what happened:

He was angry and refused to go in [to the celebration for his brother]. His father came out and entreated him, but he answered his father, ‘Look, these many years I have served you, and I never disobeyed your command, yet you never gave me a young goat, that I might celebrate with my friends. But when this son of yours came, who has devoured your property with prostitutes, you killed the fattened calf for him!’ (Luke 15:28-30).

When God was upset with Israel for building the golden calf, He told Moses they were “Your people” (Exodus 32:7). When parents are upset with their children, they tell their spouse, “Your child did this.” The same thing happened here: “This son of yours” versus “my brother.” The older brother is furious about the fattened calf and the celebration. Wait until he learns about the robe, ring, and shoes!

Covetous Vineyard Workers

The second example of covetousness causing conflict is in the parable of the vineyard workers:

“For the kingdom of heaven is like a master of a house who went out early in the morning to hire laborers for his vineyard. After agreeing with the laborers for a denarius a day, he sent them into his vineyard. And going out about the third hour he saw others standing idle in the marketplace, and to them he said, ‘You go into the vineyard too, and whatever is right I will give you’” (Matthew 20:1-4).

The word “agreeing” is important. The workers hired “early in the morning,” about 6 AM, knew what they would be paid and agreed to that amount. The workers hired three hours later, about 9 AM, did not know what they would be paid. They were told it would be “whatever is right.” The master continued hiring workers at the sixth hour, about 1 PM, the ninth hour, about 3 PM, and the eleventh hour, about 5 PM (Matthew 20:5-7). When the master paid the workers, they each received a denarius. This didn’t sit well with the men who worked the longest, so they told the master:

“These last worked only one hour, and you have made them equal to us who have borne the burden of the day and the scorching heat.” But he replied to one of them, “Friend, I am doing you no wrong. Did you not agree with me for a denarius? Take what belongs to you and go. I choose to give to this last worker as I give to you. Am I not allowed to do what I choose with what belongs to me? Or do you begrudge my generosity?” (Matthew 20:12-15).

The master was fair because he paid them what they agreed on. Because it was fair to pay one denarius for one day’s work, it was unfair to pay one denarius for less than one day’s work. The word “generosity” is synonymous with grace. Because grace is unearned or undeserved favor, the master was unfair but gracious. He couldn’t be fair and gracious because they are mutually exclusive. Being fair means being ungracious, and being gracious means being unfair.

The master asked, “Am I not allowed to do what I choose with what belongs to me?” Because everything belongs to God1 and He can do what He “[chooses] with what belongs to [Him],” He is “allowed” to be more gracious to some than others. But if we’re honest, we probably understand why the older brother and the vineyard workers were upset. We don’t like the prodigal son being given so much after living wickedly, and we don’t like the vineyard workers being paid as much as those who worked more. Because grace is unfair, there are four things we must be on guard against when God is gracious to others.

A Covetous King

The third example of covetousness causing conflict occurred between Saul and David. But consider how well their relationship began:

David came to Saul and entered his service. And Saul loved him greatly, and he became his armor-bearer. And Saul sent to Jesse, saying, “Let David remain in my service, for he has found favor in my sight.” And whenever the harmful spirit from God was upon Saul, David took the lyre and played it with his hand. So Saul was refreshed and was well, and the harmful spirit departed from him (1 Samuel 16:21-23).

Saul didn’t just love David; he “loved him greatly,” made him his armor bearer (one of the most respected positions in the Old Testament), and favored him so much he wanted to keep him with him. We can only imagine how much Saul’s affection for David grew when the spirit tormented Saul, and David’s music left him “refreshed.” But this excellent relationship wouldn’t last long:

When David returned from striking down the Philistine, the women came out of all the cities of Israel, singing and dancing, to meet King Saul, with tambourines, with songs of joy, and with musical instruments. And the women sang to one another as they celebrated, “Saul has struck down his thousands, and David his ten thousands” (1 Samuel 18:6-7).

God chooses some to slay thousands and some to slay ten thousands. There will always be people with more gifts, wealth, and success. Using the symbolism in the parable of the talents, “to one he gave five talents, to another two, to another one” (Matthew 25:15). We must avoid coveting those who have “killed more than us.” Saul shows that failing to do so can ruin our lives:

Saul was very angry, and this saying displeased him. He said, “They have ascribed to David ten thousands, and to me they have ascribed thousands, and what more can he have but the kingdom?” And Saul eyed David from that day on (1 Samuel 18:8-9).

The Hebrew word for “eyed” is ʿāvan, meaning “to watch with jealousy.” Two factors caused Saul’s downfall. First, he failed to take responsibility for his actions, choosing instead to make excuses and blame others.2 The second cause of his downfall was his covetousness. He was obsessed with David’s fame and popularity.3 Now, let’s learn from each of these accounts!

First, We Shouldn’t Let God’s Grace Cause Us to Covet

The master asked, “Do you begrudge my generosity (or grace)?” Other translations,