I don't think that people live their lives, some people do, but I don't think that people live their lives to hurt others or make others mad. I don't think that it's malicious. Most of the time, but sometimes it is. And whether it is or it isn't, the elephant in the room needs to be addressed because you honestly can't go through life just letting people treat you like shit, whether it is intentional or it's not intentional. Welcome to the Ashlee Jaine show, ladies. You are absolutely in the right spot if you are looking for mindset inspiration to help you glow up and show up as the very best version of yourself. Today we are going to be talking about tolerance and not in the good way either, because I do love the word tolerate because I think that it really ties into having compassion and trying to have a deeper understanding of others. But that is not what we are talking about today. Ladies, today we are going to be using the word tolerate in the negative sense, and I'm going to be sharing with you how important it is to recognize and realize that you get what you tolerate in this life. And I guess I should look up the word, tolerate and share the exact definition as to how I mean it. Let me pull it up really quick. Actually, I will get it pulled up on my phone. Ok, so let's use this example, and this is just from I don't even know what website it's from, it's like not even from a website, just my Google search allow the existence, occurrence or practice of.

But think about it in a negative way. And it also says without interference. So, yes, tolerate can be good or bad. But today we are talking about toleration as in tolerating the bad. And this is really important because I think a lot of us ladies, we're we can be really comfortable settling. Sometimes we can be very passive and a people pleaser, too, like these are three characteristics of us ladies that I think a lot of people, a lot of it can really just turn into a situation where we're being taken advantage of. And so these three characteristics really what I want to speak to and I want you to understand the importance of everything that's happening in your life and in your relationships and realizing that you deserve better. You deserve better than settling. You deserve better than being passive and being walked all over. You deserve better than trying to make everybody else happy with sacrificing your own happiness. And that is what we are going to be talking about today. So buckle up, ladies, if any of this sounds familiar. This episode is for you and I love you, and I hope that you take all of the goodness away from it and start applying it in your life ASAP.

Because honestly, it's true and it can be life changing once you implement this practice. And once you realize and recognize that you absolutely deserve better, you will start getting better. So I don't even know what sort of scenario or situation I could throw out here, but the easiest one that comes to mind is like maybe a boss or coworker being a total asshole to you and you just, you know, biting your tongue, not wanting to be confrontational, not thinking, maybe that you're reading into it too much or not wanting to make a big deal out of it overall. Maybe it's your boss's favorite, you know, whatever colleague or whatever, and you don't want to upset your boss or I don't know. It's hard for me to come up with these scenarios and like a corporate type setting because I've been out of the corporate world for so long. But I'm trying. I'm trying to come up with something that is relatable here. So maybe you're in a situation like that and you just you don't really know how to handle it, so you haven't handled it and you just kind of tolerate the treatment that you're getting. What's happening to you? And I'll say with that, if that is you and that sounds familiar, you are going to continue allowing this to happen and it's going to continue to happen. It's like a bully. It's like a kid on the playground who is bullying the other kids.

If the other kids let it happen, that bully will just continue. Once they realize that they can do it, that behavior will continue. This is applicable in a bully example at recess. This is applicable with a colleague at work. This is applicable with a relationship that you're in and your significant other not treating you the way that you deserve to be treated, or it's really something that you can apply across the board. You can even relate this back to family members. So what do you do in these scenarios? Do you just sit back and let it continue to happen? Do you sit back and tolerate it? The answer to that is no. You do not want to do that because you are better than that. You deserve better than that, and you should want to change the behavior that is so upsetting to you. You should get the respect that you deserve. You should get the treatment that you deserve as a colleague, as a partner, as a wife, as a girlfriend, as a sister or a daughter, or whatever it may be. So you need to learn how to address these things. And it's a delicate right because you're likely stepping into the lion's den where it's going to be a big blow up issue because this person has been treating you this way or the situation has been going on for long enough that these people are comfortable with repeating their behaviors.

They feel that it is acceptable at this point, and they will likely continue to feel that it is acceptable and that they have done nothing wrong because it is very hard for us humans to admit that we are at fault, that we have done something wrong, that we have wronged someone else. It's like, I don't know what it is. It must be like in our genetics that we can't admit our own faults and take responsibility for our actions. I don't know. It drives me crazy because I'm usually the first to admit when I'm wrong and when I've done something wrong, and I will apologize and I will learn and grow and move on from there. And I just wish everybody else in this world had the emotional intelligence to do so. We. So it would make our interactions with each other as humans a lot easier. But off my soapbox about that, if you are in this situation, you have to address it and you have to address it in the most respectful yet firm way possible. Because if you don't, you are risking everything. You're not going to ever find the love, the job, the relationship with your family member that you deserve if you don't stand up for yourself. If you don't learn this and I really try to teach my kids this, I'm struggling because it's still an ongoing issue. But they're young, so I have hope.

But if you don't learn to stick up for yourself, nobody else will. And don't count on anybody else to stick up for you. I think that's what's wrong with this world is that we're all like hoping that somebody else will stand up for us because we are too scared to stand up for ourselves. I don't expect anybody to fight my battles. I fight my battles and I will gladly take it on. I really honestly like, I know it sounds crazy, like with me saying that, but I don't like confrontation. I really don't. And I definitely don't like being argumentative. But I'm also not going to be someone who can be walked all over, either. So it's really an art of finding the balance of how to work with others in a way that you are being treated fairly and respectfully. And so the best way to go about doing this is just to come at it from a place of sincerity and from a place of trying to understand where this behavior is coming from. Now, if someone's just being a total asshole to you, then just, yeah, you can call them out on their shit and just be like, This is not OK. You're not going to treat me like this. But if you are, let's say in more of like a passive aggressive type of situation, this happens a lot with women because I think that we all can agree that we don't really like confrontation.

And so it's easier to just kind of be catty and be bitchy towards each other and make snide remarks than it is to actually address whatever the underlying issue is. So in those situations and in those conversations, especially if it's, you know, lady to lady, try to come at it from a place of understanding, try to come at it with, you know, gaining some perspective as to what the real issue is like, what's really causing this behavior? Hey, I noticed that you have kind of been distant from me and we used to have a pretty good relationship. Did I do something wrong? Is there something that I can do differently and really take ownership for any part or any role that you've played in this situation and try to help them understand that you would like for them to do the same and moving forward for the behavior to stop and go back to having that mutual relationship, that respectful relationship, that professional relationship, or that if it's your husband, your go back to that loving relationship and not be at odds anymore or whatever it is, but you have to show up and you have to address it. And that's the hardest part because nobody else is going to do it for you. And a lot of times I think that, you know, I like to give people the benefit of the doubt.

And I think that a lot of times what upsets us or behavior that irritates us or hurts us isn't even intentional. I don't think that people live their lives. Some people do, but I don't think that people live their lives to hurt others or make others mad. I don't think that it's malicious. Most of the time, but sometimes it is. And whether it is or it isn't, the elephant in the room needs to be addressed because you honestly can't go through life just letting people treat you like shit, whether it is intentional or it's not intentional. You have to love yourself enough to understand that you deserve respect that you deserve, love, that you deserve whatever it is in life. And as long as you're doing your part to work towards those things, to obtain those things, you need to figure out that delicate balance of how to get others on board with doing the same. So maybe I don't even know if I want to throw out that situation, but let's say you're in a marriage. This has been an ongoing issue. This is a behavior that you've never corrected because you really didn't ever want to stir the pot. Maybe it wasn't a big deal, but now you're like to your breaking point. How do you delicately address that with your husband or your spouse? How do you go about that? You know, these are really hard questions, and I think it comes back and it falls back to that emotional intelligence because that's really where you need to be.

That's really the area that you need to improve on to figure out how to navigate these conversations and how to navigate these. Scenarios in these relationships, I don't ever want you to think that it's OK for somebody to disrespect you or to walk all over you. Now there is something to be said for something that is continuous versus something that is maybe a once in a rare moon type of situation. I typically take the route of just trying not to let things get to me personally, because at the end of the day, like it has to be something really serious and significant in my life for me to let it like mess with my energy and mess with my mind, like if it's going to bring me down, you better believe it's a big issue so you can let the little things slide. You can let the once in a lifetime disrespectful moment slide if you want. It's up to you. It really is. The continuous thing is that that's what I want to focus on. That's where you get what you tolerate comes into play because it really is all about what you're continuously allowing to happen in your life. And those things absolutely do need to be addressed and they need to be addressed carefully. I like to use the same with kid gloves because it's like you handle it so delicately, like a balloon that you don't want to pop.

Kind of. And that's what I refer to when I'm talking about these conversations in these situations and things like that. And there's nothing wrong with taking a moment to address it because we all know in the heat of the moment we can say things that we don't necessarily mean, or maybe we do mean, but we don't necessarily want to say out loud. Maybe they're hurtful. Maybe they're just going to make the situation worse, whatever it is. So take some time back up, you know, try to separate yourself from the instance and maybe the anger or the sadness around the behavior and look at it for more of an objective angle for more of a problem solving or resolution space or mental space emotional space and figure out the best possible solution to address it and to move forward because I'm notorious for cutting people out of my life. But I'm at the point in my life where I'm realizing that that's not always possible. I really don't do second chances and I don't do forgiveness. Once you have wronged me, you are wrong and you have shown me your true colors, and I'm not interested in carrying on a relationship or a friendship with that person. But if it's a colleague or maybe even a family member, those aren't necessarily people. And I actually did an entire podcast episode about that how to handle toxic relationships.

You can go back and check that out. I will also link it down in the show notes as well, because it's a good lesson for everybody to hear. But I realized, and I acknowledge that not everybody can just be cut out of your life as much as I would love for that to happen after people have wronged me, it's just not always possible. So it's up to us to figure out how to address it and how to move forward from there. And maybe moving forward means no resolution. It means quitting your job or it means leaving that relationship. That's your call. You have to trust your intuition. Once you know that you've done your part and you've acknowledged your role in the scenario or in the situation as to how things got to where they are. And you've tried to have the conversation in a respectable way as to how to move forward and there is no possible resolution on the other end. Then you kind of have your answer right there. Do you want to stay in this situation or don't you do you want to continue tolerating this behavior or this scenario or don't you? And that's a question that only you can answer. But I'm here to help you identify those relationships in those scenarios, in your life as to where you're not being treated, the way that you should be treated.

And I'm here to encourage you to stand up on your own behalf in a mature and respectable way. Coming from a place of resolution and problem solving and to realize that if you don't your happiness, your self-respect and your self-worth, they're all at risk. They're all being jeopardized by staying in this situation or by staying in the relationship that you're in. So I'll leave you with that, ladies. I just want you to know that you are loved and you do deserve happiness. You deserve the love, the job, the relationship, whatever it is that you are seeking in this lifetime and in this world, you absolutely deserve that. But it's up to you to make sure that you get it because nobody else cares about you as much as you. That is so important. Don't expect handouts. Don't expect anybody to stand up and make it happen on your behalf because. Is there looking out for themselves as they should every man for himself? We can't go on with this whole victim entitled mentality in this world anymore. But you have to do it. It has to come from you. And once you do it, and once you master the skill of standing up for yourself, having those resolution based conversations, I promise life is going to get so much easier. And you will find so many opportunities opening up for you, whether that's new partners, whether that's new job opportunities, whether that is promotions, whether that is just I don't even know.

I don't even know what other example I can throw into the mix, but I like to throw out examples. If you haven't noticed, I really like to throw out examples to give you because I realized that we're not all in the same place in life, and I want it to be something that you can relate to on a personal level so that you understand the importance and what's at risk and what you're jeopardizing by not taking action and allowing or tolerating these behaviors in these situations to continue anyways. You are loved. You've got this. I believe in you. You need to believe in you. And I just want to thank you so much for tuning in and taking the time to listen to this podcast and hang out with me today. I honestly honor you for just investing in yourself and being committed to growing up and showing up as the very best version of you. I would really, really appreciate it. If you would take a moment to give this show a five star review, this really just helps me get the good word out to other ladies. Just like you who are on their journey of self-improvement, self-discovery and glowing up and showing up as the best version of themselves in this world. Thank you so much, ladies, and I will catch you on the next episode.