The journey through perimenopause is unique for every woman, yet the unsolicited and contrary advice remains universal. 

This was the inspiration for my latest poem, which is part of a book of poetry in which I’m documenting the entire perimenopause journey from beginning to end.

What makes perimenopause so challenging isn’t just the physical symptoms – the hormonal fluctuations, the muscle mass changes – but the barrage of contradictory advice from people who often have no personal experience with it. 

From well-meaning friends suggesting I drink my own piss, to fitness bros blindly prescribing calorie deficits and skipping meals, the poem highlights the absurdity of simplistic solutions to this multi-faceted physiological transition.

The journey through perimenopause, like other significant life transitions, ultimately belongs to the person experiencing it, and external perspectives – however well-intentioned – need to be filtered through our intuition.

Ugh, where do I start….?
The flurry of advice
From uninformed folk
Who all have their price

Estrogen is dropping
Your bones will crumble!
Drink loads of milk
Or take a tumble

Ingest creatine now
Or lose all your muscle
You should intermittent fast!
There’s no end to this hustle

Eat chunks of protein
At every single meal
Eventually, it’ll kill you
All that dairy, tofu and veal

“Hey” someone whispers
“You should drink your own piss“
So I squat over a glass
*Gulp*
Alright then, come give us a kiss!

But my all-time favourite
Is from the 30-something bro
You wanna lose weight?
His face starts to glow

Ah, he squints,
Like he’s about to shit gold
You just need to be in a calorie deficit!
Seriously, this never gets old?

Oh! I exclaim
Why didn’t I think of that?!
Thank you so much bruh
You dumb little twat

He no longer exists
That poor, sweet boy
Who made the mistake
Of thinking I was old & coy

But seriously though
This is not about bro’s
It’s the not-so-miracle advice
That you can stick it up your……nose

To give you a vague idea
Of what it’s like to be in peri
Put a blindfold on
And navigate the contrary

The vitamins, the supplements
The creams and the sprays
Can all just f**k off
I don’t care what anyone says

My body is my body
My age is my age
My intuition rules
And THAT’S my primary gauge

BY MELANIE SWAN

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Melanie is an experienced Soul & Shadow Worker, Womb Medicine Woman, podcast host, writer and trainer.

For over 20 years, she has supported individuals and healing professionals to restore connection with the body, repair attachment and separation wounds, and embody primordial wisdom rooted in the womb, heart and soul.

Melanie's approach blends somatic womb healing, shadow integration, shamanic healing and soul-level repatterning - offering a deep and lasting pathway back to the true self.

She hosts The Sacred Womb Podcast, leads The Unification Of The Divine Masculine & Feminine Training and is currently writing her first book: The Sacred Womb - a handbook for coming home to our true nature, along with Poems For Peri-Menopause.