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Listen, this episode might sting a little—and that's exactly the point. If you're a woman in tech who treats feedback like a personal attack instead of career fuel, I'm talking directly to you.

I've watched with horror as more women have become timid about giving feedback and defensive about receiving it. This pattern is quietly cutting your career growth at the knees while multiplying your stress.

Here's what I know: You wouldn't coddle your code, your product, or your project when it needs iteration. So why are you being so precious about feedback on your own performance?

In this episode, I'm drawing a hard line between toxic workplace BS (which is NOT what we're discussing) and the constructive, developmental, growth-oriented feedback that is actual career generosity. The kind you need to actively seek out, receive with curiosity, and use strategically.

Here's what I cover:

• Why feedback is the accelerated growth engine in tech—and why your career needs the same iterative approach as your code
• The brutal truth about how women are held to higher performance standards (backed by research since the 1970s)
• Why your defensiveness is far more damaging than the original feedback ever was
• How leaders are watching for your response to feedback—not your perfection
• Why you must stop optimizing for likability and start optimizing for clarity and effectiveness
• The mindset shift that changes everything: feedback is data, not identity
• Concrete examples of professional feedback versus unhelpful criticism
• Why avoiding giving feedback makes you unclear and untrustworthy (not nice)

I also share real feedback my clients recently received and how they made it mean something totally different than what was actually said.

The women who enjoy their careers and reach their goals aren't the ones who never get criticism. They're the ones who are seen improving over time—in line with their values, purpose, and boundaries.

Bravery isn't just about bold moves. It's about sitting still in a moment of critique and choosing your growth instead of your ego.

Your Next Steps:

1. Separate the feedback from what your brain tells you. 
2. Make feedback a monthly habit. 
3. Seek feedback from your critics. 
4. Give yourself 24 hours. 
5. Stop optimizing for likability. 

Related Episodes 

• Importance of Specific Feedback in Career Growth
• Aggressive or Just Direct? Navigating Feedback as a Woman in Tech
• E85: How to Deal with Unspecific Career Feedback to Build Your Skills, Relationships, Career, and Salary

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You can be a woman in tech and enjoy your career. When you build the skill of bravery, you will stress less, work less, and then earn more. Check out the following resources designed to help you thrive in your career: 

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