I saw a video just before posting this— some gimmicky “he’s hurting, too” tarot type thing— and the song playing in the background was “I Don’t want to Live Forever” by Zayn and Taylor Swift. I got to thinking as I was recording this…

“I got one thing stuck in my mind… Wondering if I dodged a bullet or just lost the love of my life…”

I’ve had so many say I did— dodge a bullet.

But I swore for 18 months that they didn’t know you the way I did. That you were the best thing— the “best one of the best ones” and quite possibly the love of my life… Why couldn’t I say that to you? Even after you’d said it to me…

“I just want to keep calling your name until you come back home…”

This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit asquill.substack.com/subscribe