Your Inner Critic Is a Bully… and Your Body Believes It (with Dr. Eleni Boosalis)

That harsh voice in your head…the one that turns a mistake into a verdict…isn’t just “negative thinking.” Over time, it can train your nervous system to stay on edge, like you’re under threat, even during totally normal moments.

In this episode, clinical psychologist Dr. Eleni Boosalis explains where harsh self-talk often comes from, why it feels so believable, and what actually helps you move toward self-compassion without forcing fake positivity. You’ll learn a simple way to notice the “background noise” of your thoughts, why kindness to yourself is physical (not fluffy), and a realistic phrase shift your body can accept: “I’m in the process of…”

In this episode, you’ll hear

• Why the inner critic often attacks who you are, not just what you did
• How early attachment experiences can shape self-talk patterns
• The “air conditioner in the background” effect…thoughts you stop noticing
• Why step one isn’t “fix it,” it’s hear it
• A realistic alternative to affirmations that feel fake: “I’m in the process of…”
• How harsh self-talk can trigger fight-or-flight, and why self-compassion calms the system
• How the inner critic shows up at work: people-pleasing, avoidance, weak boundaries
• A clean gut-check: If your inner voice had a face, would you invite it to dinner?

Simple moves (practical takeaways)

1. Catch one sentence you didn’t realize you say to yourself on repeat.
2. If kindness feels untrue, use “I’m in the process of…” instead of forcing confidence.
3. Add one breath, then look for one micro-moment your brain would normally ignore.
4. Notice where you don’t feel “safe” setting boundaries…that’s often where the critic has leverage.

Chapters / timestamps

• 00:00 Start + sponsor messages
• 01:20 New season format + harsh self-talk in everyday life
• 02:00 Inner critic as a bully, and why it feels identity-based
• 02:35 Where it often starts: attachment and internalized voices
• 03:45 First move: mindfulness (you can’t change what you can’t hear)
• 04:24 The “air conditioner” metaphor for constant self-talk
• 05:55 Harsh self-talk as a nervous system threat response
• 07:40 Work + relationships: people-pleasing, avoidance, boundaries
• 08:40 Why self-compassion can trigger guilt
• 09:31 Dinner test + mirror practice + “I’m in the process of…”
• 10:56 Where to find Dr. Eleni Boosalis
• 11:38 Closing message

Guest

Dr. Eleni Boosalis is a clinical psychologist and co-owner of Del Ray Psych & Wellness. She works with adults around anxiety, trauma, attachment-rooted patterns, and building practical changes that actually stick.

Guest links

• Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/dreleniboosalis/
• Del Ray Psych & Wellness: https://www.delraypsych.com/
• Del Ray Psych & Wellness (Therapists): https://www.delraypsych.com/therapists
• Shrinks On Tap (podcast page): https://www.delraypsych.com/podcast

Sponsors

McKelvey Insurance Group
If you’ve ever felt confused or overwhelmed by insurance, McKelvey Insurance Group keeps it simple. They’re an independent agency, which means they compare options from multiple providers to find coverage that actually fits you, not just one company’s policy. No pressure, no jargon, just honest guidance and real help.
Website: https://www.mckelveyins.com/
Phone: (618) 623-0080

Light Source Psychotherapy
If anxiety, panic, trauma, sleep issues, or big life transitions have you feeling stuck, their team works with kids, teens, adults, couples, and families in Belleville, Illinois, through teletherapy, or even walk-and-talk outdoors. Evidence-based care like CBT, DBT, EMDR, and more, built around what matters most to you.
Website: https://findyourlightsource.com/