Today I learned that your never alone. Having that phone conversation with my uncle really made me understand that. I initially didn’t want to go to any of my family members for money because I suspected that I would get rejected and thus let down. And for the most part that is what happened. But hearing him shout that from the bottom of my his heart really drove it home. I didn’t just come out of nowhere. I came from out of a group of people. And even though some of those people have bitterness and resentful feelings towards me they still love me and want to see me win. It might seem like I’m alone. With so many Friday and Saturday nights spent in my bedroom. But even still I have friends that even though they don’t completely understand my past behavior they want me to do better for myself. That even though their weirded out by all my antics they want to see more of me. I thought I was alone for such a long time. But now with retrospect I choose to be alone. I choose isolation because I felt like I didn’t fit in. Only to now understand that I fit in anywhere on God’s Earth. The people that try to make me feel like I don’t fit in can fight me one on one. It’s easier now more than ever for me to feel like I’m alone. Scrolling through Instagram everyday and seeing people smiling in groups makes me wonder why I’m not in that group? Why wasn’t I thought of when plans were being made to get together? And though the answer to those questions are sharp and painful it is now obvious more than ever that you’re never alone. I’m more wedged in with other people than ever before. We’re always online. We always read each other’s tweets, or see each other’s Instagram post. Maybe I don’t get as much likes or retweets as I’d like but the effect is the same. When somebody reads my tweets they get a piece of me. When somebody views my ig post they get a piece of me. That piece affects them more than one would think. Especially on a repeated long term basis. I’m never alone. It’s easy to think that nobody would miss me if I was gone. It’s easy to think that nobody wants me to win. But the reality is quite the opposite. There are more people than I’d let myself believe that want to see more of me and that honestly want to see me hoist the trophy. There are people that are always going to try to make me feel like I’m alone. The second I start to believe that and let bitterness and resentfulness take over is when I’ll never get the best out of myself.