A hospital bed, a message board, and the power of finding your people

What we call “lonely” often hides in plain sight. You can be surrounded by people and still feel like you could vanish without anyone noticing. In this kickoff to Find Your Freaks, I share the story of being 29, healing from emergency surgery hours from home. Visible on paper, invisible in reality. Until a stranger showed up with socks, lip balm, and a loud laugh that made the room feel human again. This episode reframes belonging: it isn’t about being included; it’s about being expected: “Of course you’re here. We’ve been waiting for you.” We’ll also talk about why affinity groups matter, and what this show will explore as we hunt for the places where your weird isn’t the cost of entry — it’s the common ground.

Episode Highlights

• [00:58] Proximity without presence: why people ≠ belonging
• [01:13] Attention without connection (and what it costs us)
• [03:26] The hospital-bed moment: visible, yet unseen
• [04:04] Punk bands & care without a manual: don’t take space at someone else’s expense
• [06:50] A message board, then a stranger: showing up changes everything
• [08:17] Belonging isn’t inclusion; it’s being expected
• [09:14] Why affinity groups exist (moms, survivors, creatives, neurodivergent folks)
• [10:00] What this show will be: honest stories about finding your people

Leading with Humanity

• Proximity ≠ Presence — You can be in a crowded space and feel utterly alone. Belonging requires presence, not just bodies in a room.
• Care in Unexpected Places — Years before the hospital, touring punk bands asked whether I’d feel safe with them crashing on our floor.
• The Debbiie Lesson (with two i’s) — A stranger saw me and kept showing up. She didn’t fill a seat; she made me feel wanted. That’s belonging.
• Why Affinity Groups Matter — Sub-communities aren’t about exclusion; they’re about relief. They’re containers where the mask can come off and the exhale is safe.
• What This Show Is About — Interviews with people who found belonging in unexpected places and solo reflections on the mechanics of connection.

Key Quotes

• “Belonging isn’t about being included. It’s about being expected.” — Tonya Kubo
• “You can have proximity without presence.” — Tonya Kubo
• “You’re not too weird or too much. You just haven’t found your freaks yet.” — Tonya Kubo
• “Our weird isn’t the cost of entry. It’s the common ground.” — Tonya Kubo

Meet Your Host

Tonya Kubo is a community strategist, marketing consultant, and rebel with a cause: helping people find the place where they truly belong. For nearly two decades, she’s built online spaces that feel less like comment sections and more like chosen family. She’s the fixer you call when your Facebook group has gone straight-up Lord of the Flies and the bouncer at the door of internet nonsense. As host of Find Your Freaks, Tonya brings together unconventional thinkers and bridge-builders who know “normal” was never the point.

Support the Show

If Find Your Freaks matters to you, help us keep it ad-free by buying a coffee (or two!). Every dollar goes to production so more weirdos can find their people.

You can purchase Find Your Freaks merchandise online through Abilities and Attitudes.

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What’s Next

Next week, I’m sitting down with Kathi Lipp to unpack clutter, shame, and the power of kindness. And why “too much stuff” is rarely about stuff at all.