Why thoughtful, human writing still matters in an AI-obsessed world

Most people dream of writing a book — fewer are willing to sit with the depth, discomfort, and time it truly requires. In this episode, Tonya Kubo and award-winning book coach Candice L. Davis unpack the cultural obsession with rushing: rushing to publish, rushing to create, rushing to get something “out there” before it’s ready.

Together, they explore what’s lost when we try to shortcut the writing process — context, originality, and the true human connection readers crave. Candice shares why literary excellence still matters, how AI can support (but never replace) deep thinking, and why thoughtful books can’t be manufactured on demand.

If you’ve ever felt “behind,” ashamed of your pace, or tempted to publish before you’re ready, this conversation is the permission slip you didn’t know you needed.

Episode Highlights

[02:10] Why rushing books has always been a problem — long before AI

[06:25] What we lose when speed replaces substance

[10:40] Why so many “books” are really blog posts in disguise

[14:55] Where AI genuinely helps — and where it undermines authorship

[20:12] The myth of the urgent publishing deadline

[26:48] How writing communities fuel courage and creativity

[31:30] Letting go of artificial timelines so real work can begin

[44:22] How to know if your writing community is actually helping

[50:40] A message for anyone ashamed of their unfinished book

Why Slowing Down Creates Better Books

Candice explains that thoughtful writing isn’t elitist — it’s generous.

When we slow down long enough to think, question, revise, and refine, we create work that offers readers context, clarity, and true value.

Speed produces noise. Depth produces belonging.

When AI Supports — and When It Derails

AI can assist with accessibility, workflow, and structure, but it cannot replace your ideas.

Using AI to think for you leads to derivative, recycled copy.

Using AI to support your thinking leads to clarity.

The difference is integrity.

How Community Ignites Creativity

Writing isn’t meant to be solitary.

Candice and Tonya discuss how co-writing, workshops, and writing circles keep writers grounded, encouraged, and accountable — something no algorithm can provide.

Meet Our Guest

Candice L. Davis is an award-winning writer and book coach who helps experts move past surface-level content to uncover their deepest, most meaningful ideas. Through private coaching, writer cohorts, and her podcast Nothing But the Words, she guides authors toward creating books with clarity, craft, and lasting impact.

Meet Your Host

Tonya Kubo is a community strategist and marketing consultant known for building digital spaces that feel like chosen family. As host of Find Your Freaks, she brings together unconventional thinkers who know “normal” was never the point — and who believe that belonging is built through honesty and human connection.

Key Quotes

• “Some ideas are bigger than a blog post. That’s why we have books.” — Candice L. Davis
• “If AI is doing the thinking for you, it’s pulling from other people’s ideas.” — Candice L. Davis
• “Your depth is your power. And you have more time than you think.” — Tonya Kubo
• “Once your book is out there, it represents you forever.” — Candice L. Davis

Resources & Mentions

• Nothing But the Words — Candice’s podcast
• CandiceLDavis.com

Support the Show

If Find Your Freaks matters to you, consider buying us a coffee to keep the show ad-free. Every dollar supports production so more weirdos can find their people.

Find Your Freaks merchandise is available through Abilities and Attitudes.

Let’s Stay Freaky

• Facebook Group
• LinkedIn
• Instagram
• Podcast Hub

What’s Next

Everyone’s in a rush to publish, launch, and “ship it,” but rushing doesn’t create belonging — it creates noise. Next episode, Tonya explores why slowing down isn't a weakness. It’s craft. And craft is care.

Why showing up isn’t about ego, it's about belonging.

You might think being visible means being vain — that wanting to be seen, heard, or recognized is somehow selfish. But what if visibility isn’t about attention at all? What if it’s the key to helping your people find you?

In this solo episode, Tonya reflects on her conversation with her biz bestie and creative collaborator Mary Williams of Sensible Woo (010 - Visibility Isn’t Vanity) to explore what visibility, craft, and focus really mean in a noisy world.

This one’s for the creators, community builders, and quiet leaders who want to show up with heart — not hustle.

You’ll hear how:

• Visibility connects us to belonging (and why it’s not the same as fame)
• Craft isn’t about polish. It’s about care and respect
• Focus will always beat frenzy in a distracted, omni-channel world
• Authentic consistency builds more trust than constant posting
• You can’t foster community if you’re hiding from it

Timestamp Highlights

• 0:00 – 2:30 What “visibility” actually means (and why it’s not vanity)
• 7:07 – 9:30 The difference between wanting to be seen and wanting fame
• 9:31 – 14:13 Craft as community care. How intention shows respect
• 14:14 – 16:32 Why people leave communities when they don’t feel valued
• 16:33 – 21:12 Focus over frenzy — you don’t need to be everywhere to make an impact
• 21:13 – 23:35 Social media myths and the truth about “omni-channel” burnout
• 23:36 – 28:26 Showing up with depth and consistency = belonging
• 28:27 – 30:00 Final takeaway: your freaks can’t find you if you’re hiding

Resources & Mentions

• Episode 10: Visibility Isn’t Vanity with Mary Williams
• SensibleWoo.com
• Sasquatch Media Grounds — Mary’s full-service production studio
• School of Moxie Podcast
• Mary on Instagram
• Mary on LinkedIn

Meet Your Host

Tonya Kubo is a community strategist, marketing consultant, and rebel with a cause: helping people find the place where they truly belong. For nearly two decades, she’s built online spaces that feel less like comment sections and more like chosen family. She’s the fixer you call when your Facebook group has gone straight-up Lord of the Flies and the bouncer at the door of internet nonsense. As the host of Find Your Freaks, Tonya brings together unconventional thinkers and bridge-builders who know “normal” was never the point. Her favorite spaces? The ones where the freak flags fly high.

Support the Show

If Find Your Freaks matters to you, help us keep it ad-free by buying us a coffee (or two!). Every dollar goes to production so more weirdos can find their people.

You can purchase Find Your Freaks merchandise online through Abilities and Attitudes.

Let’s Stay Freaky

• Facebook Group
• LinkedIn
• Instagram
• Podcast Hub

What’s Next

Tonya and book coach Candice L. Davis, host of Nothing but the Words, explore how writing communities make better books — and better humans.

Most of us want to be noticed. Fewer of us are willing to admit it. In this candid conversation, Tonya Kubo and content strategist Mary Williams dismantle the shame surrounding visibility and ambition in the online business world. Together, they explore what it really takes to be seen for the right reasons and why “wanting to be famous” doesn’t make you fake.

Mary argues that craftsmanship, consistency, and a willingness to show up before anyone’s watching are what separate performative influencers from true professionals. From burnout-era marketing myths to the power of in-person community, this episode pulls no punches about what visibility costs — and what it’s worth when you claim it on your own terms.

Episode Highlights

[03:55] Why so many entrepreneurs secretly want fame but won’t admit it

[09:55] Why you should think like you’re going to be famous (even if you’re not)

[11:32] Craftsmanship as the real key to sustainable visibility

[19:18] Showing up at “eleventy billion percent” when nobody’s watching

[23:13] Finding your freaks in person — and why it matters

[29:00] The mechanics of genuine human connection

[40:37] How acting classes can make you a better marketer

Say the Quiet Thing Out Loud

When Mary Williams says, “Just admit you want to be famous,” she’s not talking about vanity. She’s talking about honesty.

At a time when performance seems rewarded over depth, she challenges entrepreneurs to own their ambitions without shame. Because wanting to be seen doesn’t make you shallow. It makes you human.

Craft Over Clout

Mary reminds us that visibility built on imitation crumbles fast. Craftsmanship — the art of making something meaningful even when no one’s watching — is the foundation of lasting recognition. Fame fades. Skill doesn’t.

Human First, Marketer Second

From Portland’s Feral Book Club to the PechaKucha-inspired community she co-hosts, Mary shows how in-person connection reignites creativity and keeps our online personas grounded in real humanity. Her mantra? “If you don’t human enough in the real world, it shows.”

Meet Our Guest

Mary Williams is the founder of Sensible Woo and owner of Sasquatch Media Grounds, a full-service production studio in Vancouver, Washington. A former Hollywood professional turned systems coach, she blends storytelling, structure, and soul to help solopreneurs make media that matters. Mary is also the host of the School of Moxie podcast and a leader in several creative Portland communities, including Feral Book Club and Hustle Hard, Slide Faster.

Meet Your Host

Tonya Kubo is a community strategist, marketing consultant, and rebel with a cause: helping people find the place where they truly belong. For nearly two decades, she’s built online spaces that feel less like comment sections and more like chosen family. She’s the fixer you call when your Facebook group has gone straight-up Lord of the Flies and the bouncer at the door of internet nonsense. As the host of Find Your Freaks, Tonya brings together unconventional thinkers and bridge-builders who know “normal” was never the point. Her favorite spaces? The ones where the freak flags fly high.

Key Quotes

• “Say the quiet thing out loud — you want to be famous. And that’s okay.” — Mary Williams
• “Visibility isn’t vanity. It’s the courage to be seen for who you actually are.” — Tonya Kubo
• “If you don’t human enough in the real world, it shows.” — Mary Williams
• “Fame fades. Craftsmanship lasts.” — Mary Williams

Resources & Mentions

• SensibleWoo.com
• Sasquatch Media Grounds — Mary’s full-service production studio
• School of Moxie  Podcast
• Mary on Instagram
• Mary on LinkedIn

Support the Show

If Find Your Freaks matters to you, help us keep it ad-free by buying us a coffee (or two!). Every dollar goes to production so more weirdos can find their people.

You can purchase Find Your Freaks merchandise online through Abilities and Attitudes.

Let’s Stay Freaky

• Facebook Group
• LinkedIn
• Instagram
• Podcast Hub

What’s Next

Mary’s episode asks us to confront the real motives behind our desire to be seen. In the next episode, Tonya unpacks why craftsmanship and connection—not perfection—are the only sustainable routes to authentic visibility in a fame-driven world.

Why our differences matter less than we think — and curiosity might be the cure.

You can look at someone’s family, politics, or religion and think it’s nothing like yours. But underneath, most of us are fighting for the same things: safety, belonging, and a shot at raising the next generation, or at least leaving the world a little better than we found it.

In solo episode, Tonya unpacks her conversation with parenting coach Jen Gerardy (Episode 8: Becoming Who You Were Waiting For) to explore how labels, scripts, and moral judgments keep us divided when shared humanity could bring us together. This one’s for anyone who’s ever wondered if belonging is possible across differences. Spoiler: it is, if you lead with curiosity instead of judgment.

You’ll hear how:

• Parenting “off script” can teach us to question inherited beliefs
• Curiosity opens doors that judgment shuts
• Shared goals connect families with very different values
• Chosen family models belonging in action
• Most of us are fighting the same fight, just from different angles

Timestamp Highlights

• 0:48 – 2:23 The surface differences that distract us from shared humanity
• 6:23 – 9:13 Parenting “off script” and redefining what works for your family
• 9:14 – 11:12 Political, faith, and cultural scripts we inherit — and how to rewrite them (if you want to)
• 11:13 – 13:57 Chosen family as a model of community care
• 15:42 – 20:50 Labels, dehumanization, and curiosity as a leadership skill
• 20:51 – 23:28 Compassion across difference: seeing the same fight in others
• 29:03 – 31:42 The heart of it all: different families, same fight

Resources & Mentions

• Episode 8: Becoming Who You Were Waiting For with Jen Gerardy
• Episode 5: Whose Suffering Counts?
• MomCo (formerly MOPS) – a ministry supporting mothers of young children

Meet Your Host

Tonya Kubo is a community strategist, marketing consultant, and rebel with a cause: helping people find the place where they truly belong. For nearly two decades, she’s built online spaces that feel less like comment sections and more like chosen family. She’s the fixer you call when your Facebook group has gone straight-up Lord of the Flies and the bouncer at the door of internet nonsense. As the host of Find Your Freaks, Tonya brings together unconventional thinkers and bridge-builders who know “normal” was never the point. Her favorite spaces? The ones where the freak flags fly high.

Support the Show

If Find Your Freaks matters to you, help us keep it ad-free by buying us a coffee (or two!). Every dollar goes to production so more weirdos can find their people.

You can purchase Find Your Freaks merchandise online through Abilities and Attitudes.

Let’s Stay Freaky

• Facebook Group
• LinkedIn
• Instagram
• Podcast Hub

What’s Next

Tonya and her biz bestie, Mary Williams of Sasquatch Media Grounds, discuss the quest for fame among creators and how it might not be such a bad thing.

What happens when your family doesn’t fit the template; and you stop trying to force it? In this candid conversation, holistic family consultant Jen Gerardy joins Tonya to talk about parenting as a queer, non-monogamous, neurodivergent-embracing human — and why the goal isn’t to “fix” yourself or your kids, but to design relationships that work for the people who live inside them. We unpack best practices for talking to kids about adult relationships, the difference between cheating and ethical non-monogamy, and the relief that comes when you refuse to pathologize who you are. If you’ve ever felt like you had to hide parts of yourself to be welcomed in a parenting space, this one’s a deep breath.

Episode Highlights

• [00:00] “Who are your freaks?” — Jen’s people and why questioning norms can make you a better parent
• [07:08] Judgment, protection, and why compassion (even for the judgy folks) matters
• [11:16] Coming out to yourself as non-monogamous while parenting: what changed (and what didn’t)
• [17:06] Best practices 101: secrets vs. surprises, introducing partners, and centering child wellbeing
• [25:28] Rethinking “the village”: expanding who cares for a child beyond narrow roles
• [29:13] Stop pathologizing people: challenges ≠ you being the problem
• [31:29] The line to remember: “If the world isn’t set up for you, you’ll face more challenges — and you’re still not the problem”

Leading with Curiosity (Not Compliance)

• Ditch the scripts. Much of our parenting comes from inherited rules that don’t fit our families. Jen invites us to swap “what should I do?” for “what helps everyone thrive here?” That shift — from compliance to curiosity — changes everything.
• Secrets are never child-sized. If your structure asks a child to keep a secret about an adult relationship, that’s a red flag. Jen’s rule: surprises are fine; secrets aren’t developmentally appropriate.
• Design for real people. Whether you’re monogamous or not, widen your idea of “the village.” Ask: which trusted adults help this child feel loved, safe, and supported — and how can we make that care intentional?

Building Belonging for Poly Parents (Why It’s Different and Needed)

Ethically non-monogamous (ENM) or polyamorous parents often have to censor core parts of their identity to access mainstream parenting spaces. Jen’s community flips that: no pathologizing, no moral litmus tests. Just child-centered, consent-based support.

• Psychological safety first. Clear norms (curiosity over judgment, “secrets vs. surprises,” no advice-dumping) create room to be fully seen without bracing for backlash.
• Privacy without hiding. Parents can be out about structure inside the group while choosing their comfort level outside it. No asking kids to carry adult secrets.
• Designed for real life. Twice-monthly Zooms welcome “life-in-progress” (headphones while making dinner, cameras off, kids nearby) so participation is actually doable.
• Best-practice scaffolding. Gentle guidance on introducing partners, language for kids, and school/admin logistics centers child wellbeing and consent.
• Expanded village. The community normalizes broader caregiving constellations (aunts, partners, close friends) and helps families design intentional roles and boundaries.

The result: fewer shame spirals, more resourced parents, and kids who grow up with clear language, consistent care, and a community that fits the family they actually have.

Meet Our Guest

Jen Gerardy is a holistic family consultant who helps queer, non-monogamous, and neurodiverse families build joyful, connected relationships without shame and without erasing any part of who they are. She leads an online community for ENM/poly parents, offers coaching and workshops, and creates practical resources that center compassion, consent, and child wellbeing.

Meet Your Host

Tonya Kubo is a community strategist, marketing consultant, and rebel with a cause: helping people find the place where they truly belong. For nearly two decades, she’s built online spaces that feel less like comment sections and more like chosen family. She’s the fixer you call when your Facebook group has gone straight-up Lord of the Flies and the bouncer at the door of internet nonsense. As the host of Find Your Freaks, Tonya brings together unconventional thinkers and bridge-builders who know “normal” was never the point. Her favorite spaces? The ones where the freak flags fly high.

Key Quotes

• “If the world isn’t set up for you, you’ll face more challenges—and it’s not because you’re the problem.” — Jen Gerardy
• “Cheating and ethical non-monogamy are not the same thing. Consent is the difference.” — Jen Gerardy
• “Secrets aren’t developmentally appropriate for children. Surprises are fine. Secrets are not.” — Jen Gerardy
• “Design the family you have. Not the one a book imagined.” — Tonya Kubo

Links & Mentions

• Jen Gerardy — Holistic Family Consultant (coaching, groups, resources)
• Free Workbook: Getting Your Needs Met (mentioned at ~43:16)
• Humane Marketing by Sarah Santacroce — a kinder way to do business (Jen’s shout-out)
• Polyamory Parenting 101 — YouTube video series with Jen and psychologist Dr. David PasCale Hague

If any link is missing, ping us and we’ll connect you directly with Jen.

Let’s Stay Freaky

👥 Facebook Group: https://tonya.link/group

💼 LinkedIn: https://linkedin.com/in/tonyakubo

📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/tonyakubo/

🌐 Website: https://findyourfreaks.com

Support the Show

If Find Your Freaks matters to you, help us keep it ad-free by buying us a coffee (or two!). Every dollar goes to production so more weirdos can find their people.

You can purchase Find Your Freaks merchandise online through Abilities and Attitudes.

What’s Next

Join Tonya next time to unpack how to apply this episode to your own life and the spaces you lead.

Why your lived experience is the most important credential you’ll ever need.

Movements rarely begin with experts or institutions. They begin with ordinary people who decide that “enough is enough.” In this episode, Tonya explores how lived experience — not degrees, titles, or training — qualifies you to take the next right step toward change.

You’ll hear how everyday advocacy can look like:

• Naming harm and creating safety for your people
• Turning personal heartbreak into community action
• Challenging the “I’m just a…” myth
• Why Nikki James Zellner’s story (Episode 6) proves you don’t need to be an expert to make an impact
• Tonya’s own lived experiences with neurodivergence, clutter, and motherhood (and how they shaped her advocacy)

Advocacy isn’t about doing it all forever. It’s about starting. And if you’ve lived it, you’re ready.

Timestamp Highlights

• 0:00 – 1:23 Movements start with lived experience, not credentials.
• 1:24 – 6:00 Busting the “I’m just a…” myth.
• 6:01 – 12:30 Nikki James Zellner’s daycare safety advocacy story.
• 12:31 – 17:40 Lived experience as a qualifier for leadership.
• 17:41 – 23:00 Why solutions must come from the people living the problem.
• 23:01 – 27:01 The cost of advocacy and setting healthy boundaries.
• 27:02 – 27:20 Final takeaway: If you’ve lived it, you’re ready.

Resources & Mentions

• Episode 6: Not on My Watch with Nikki James Zellner
• The Watchdog Way (coming 2026)
• CO Safe Schools

Meet Your Host

Tonya Kubo is a community strategist and fractional CMO/COO who helps founders and organizations turn connection into a competitive advantage. She’s the host of Find Your Freaks, a podcast about belonging and building spaces where people can show up as they really are, and co-host of The Business You Really Want with Gwen Bortner. Tonya believes what makes you weird makes you wonderful—and that normal was never the point.

Support the Show

If Find Your Freaks matters to you, help us keep it ad-free by buying us a coffee (or two!). Every dollar goes to production so more weirdos can find their people.

You can purchase Find Your Freaks merchandise online through Abilities and Attitudes.

Let’s Stay Freaky

• Facebook Group
• LinkedIn
• Instagram
• Podcast Hub

What if the thing that shakes your world isn’t an abstract issue or a headline, but something that happens to your kids? That was the case for brand strategist and creative advisor Nikki James Zellner. When her children’s daycare had a carbon monoxide leak that left dozens of kids and staff poisoned, she stumbled into a safety loophole that would change the course of her life.

In this episode, Nikki shares how she went from “just a mom” to a watchdog for systemic change. She explains the four “dog” archetypes of advocacy, the power of lived experience, and why the difference between visibility and impact matters more than ever. Whether you’ve ever felt too small, too unqualified, or too tired to make a difference, Nikki’s story is proof: if you’ve lived it, you’re ready.

Episode Highlights

• [03:39] The daycare carbon monoxide leak that changed everything
• [07:38] From one phone call to a statewide (and national) problem
• [16:05] Lap dogs, guard dogs, attack dogs, and watchdogs explained
• [24:42] “If you’ve lived it, you’re qualified to lead it”
• [29:31] Visibility vs. impact at the community level
• [38:50] Fighting burnout and redefining wins
• [44:45] Output vs. outcome: measuring what you can control

Lived Experience as Leadership

Nikki’s story starts with an ordinary daycare drop-off that ended with fire trucks and ambulances. Her kids survived carbon monoxide poisoning, but the near-tragedy revealed a gaping loophole in state safety law. Instead of staying silent — or suing — she chose to step up. What she discovered? Lived experience isn’t a liability, it’s a credential.

The Four Dogs of Change

Not everyone who cares creates change. Nikki breaks down four archetypes: lap dogs, guard dogs, attack dogs, and watchdogs. Most of us cycle through all four at different points, but watchdogs are the ones who ask questions, gather data, and stay at the table long enough to make an impact.

Impact Over Credit

From calling governors to handing out carbon monoxide detectors, Nikki’s focus has never been on taking credit. It’s been on creating change. Along the way, she’s built resources that ripple far beyond her own story, equipping other parents and communities to lead change where they are.

Meet Our Guest

Nikki James Zellner is a brand advisor, creative strategist, and citizen advocate who turned a near-tragedy at her children’s daycare into a movement for carbon monoxide safety. She’s the founder of The Watchdog Way and the forthcoming book of the same name (early 2026), which helps everyday people take small steps to create big change in their communities.

Meet Your Host

Tonya Kubo is a community strategist, marketing consultant, and rebel with a cause: helping people find the place where they truly belong. For nearly two decades, she’s built online spaces that feel less like comment sections and more like chosen family. She’s the fixer you call when your Facebook group has gone straight-up Lord of the Flies and the bouncer at the door of internet nonsense. As the host of Find Your Freaks, Tonya brings together unconventional thinkers and bridge-builders who know “normal” was never the point. Her favorite spaces? The ones where the freak flags fly high.

Key Quotes

• “If you’ve lived it, you’re qualified to lead it.” — Nikki James Zellner
• “We confuse visibility with impact. The watchdog makes the change, even if nobody notices.” — Nikki James Zellner
• “A win doesn’t mean setting your life on fire. A win is steady, small progress.” — Nikki James Zellner
• “Belonging isn’t about fitting in. It’s about showing up with your story and finding your people.” — Tonya Kubo

Links and Mentions

• The Watchdog Way Quiz
• Great Work by Dr. Amanda Crowell
• Nikki’s upcoming book

Support the Show

If Find Your Freaks matters to you, help us keep it ad-free by buying us a coffee (or two!). Every dollar goes to production so more weirdos can find their people.

You can purchase Find Your Freaks merchandise online through Abilities and Attitudes.

Let’s Stay Freaky

• Facebook Group
• LinkedIn
• Instagram
• Podcast Hub

What’s Next

Nikki reminded us that lived experience is often the spark for change, if we’re willing to act. But it also raised a deeper question: whose experiences count, and who do we listen to when the story isn’t so easy to hear? Episode 7 explores advocacy from another angle, and why sometimes the most powerful leaders are the ones who never planned to lead at all.

Why Some Lives Are Grieved and Others Ignored

What makes one person’s suffering worthy of compassion while another’s is dismissed as deserved? In this solo episode of Find Your Freaks, host Tonya Kubo wrestles with the haunting question: Whose suffering counts?

Building on her conversation with Rachel Allen in Episode 4, Tonya explores how society decides whose pain deserves acknowledgment, and whose lives are treated as disposable. From incarceration and addiction to miscarriage and clutter, she traces how secrecy, shame, and the us-vs.-them mindset shape our capacity for compassion.

At the heart of the conversation is belonging: every human has the right to be seen and valued. But when we withhold grief from some lives, we shrink our own humanity in the process.

Episode Highlights

• [03:09] The haunting question that keeps Tonya up at night
• [08:05] Us vs. them: How we assign compassion
• [14:25] Why belonging must include criminals
• [20:10] How society teaches us whose lives are “grievable”
• [24:27] Propaganda, dehumanization, and historical echoes
• [37:16] Serving in your lane: belonging through gifts and talents
• [40:23] A reminder if you’ve been told your pain doesn’t matter

Whose Pain Deserves Compassion?

From childhood, Tonya noticed contradictions in how adults talked about life and death: pro-life but pro-death penalty, condemn an abortion but dismiss an execution. These contradictions sharpened into a lifelong question — whose suffering counts, and why?

Dehumanization Then and Now

Drawing on history — from WWII propaganda to modern prison conditions — Tonya shows how entire groups are stripped of humanity so their suffering feels less urgent. Whether it’s incarcerated people, immigrants, unhoused neighbors, or people in the throes of active addiction, society quietly decides their pain doesn’t warrant compassion.

But every story deserves witnesses. Every life deserves grief.

Pull Quotes

• “Perspective is what separates compassion from condemnation.” — Tonya Kubo
• “Every story deserves witnesses. Every life deserves grief.” — Tonya Kubo
• “Community is an act of resistance against systems that say some people don’t count.” — Tonya Kubo

Meet Your Host

Tonya Kubo is a community strategist, marketing consultant, and rebel with a cause: helping people find the place where they truly belong. For nearly two decades, she’s built online spaces that feel less like comment sections and more like chosen family. She’s the fixer you call when your Facebook group has gone straight-up Lord of the Flies and the bouncer at the door of internet nonsense. As the host of Find Your Freaks, Tonya brings together unconventional thinkers and bridge-builders who know “normal” was never the point. Her favorite spaces? The ones where the freak flags fly high.

Links & Mentions

• Episode 4: Belonging Behind Bars with Rachel Allen
• Frames of War: When Is Life Grievable? by Judith Butler
• Less Than Human by David Livingstone Smith
• Beyond Broken podcast by Rachel Allen
• Engineering Consent in 1940s America: The Role of Propaganda in the Japanese-American Internment by Tonya Kubo
• Episode 3: Kindness First, Clutter Second

Support the Show

If Find Your Freaks matters to you, help us keep it ad-free by buying us a coffee (or two!). Every dollar goes to production so more weirdos can find their people.

You can purchase Find Your Freaks merchandise online through Abilities and Attitudes.

Let’s Stay Freaky

• Facebook Group
• LinkedIn
• Instagram
• Podcast Hub

What’s Next

Next week, we’ll talk about how finding your people doesn’t always mean starting a group. It can also mean using your unique gifts on behalf of others. Stay tuned for Episode 6.

What we owe the incarcerated — and the communities holding on outside

What if the punishment wasn’t the prison sentence itself, but the isolation that follows? In this raw and unflinching conversation, writer and podcaster Rachel Allen joins Tonya Kubo to pull back the curtain on life behind bars — not only for those incarcerated, but also for the families left standing in fluorescent visitation rooms.

Rachel shares how she lost nearly everyone in her life when her husband was incarcerated, the hidden community that forms in waiting rooms, and the burden of secrets she carried until she found safe places to speak them. Together, they tackle the uncomfortable truth: our prison system isn’t just broken, it’s designed to dehumanize. And yet, in the darkest corners, belonging still finds a way.

Episode Highlights

• [03:23] Growing up “othered” and the soft spot it created for outsiders
• [07:08] The fear of revealing her husband’s incarceration — and losing everyone
• [12:19] Creating Beyond Broken and exposing systemic abuse
• [17:38] Why visitation is anything but “pleasant”
• [20:21] Finding fragile community in visitation waiting rooms
• [26:10] But don’t criminals get what they deserve?
• [35:58] How to know who deserves grace
• [39:29] First steps for rethinking incarceration
• [41:05] Why you are not as alone as you think

Belonging Stolen, Belonging Rebuilt

When her husband entered the federal prison system, Rachel’s life imploded. Nearly everyone she knew disappeared overnight, leaving her shattered and alone. Out of that devastation, she built new forms of belonging — both in the fragile, fluorescent-lit visitation community and in her work giving voice to those society would rather erase.

The Hidden Labor of Families

Prison doesn’t just punish the incarcerated; it punishes their families. Rachel exposes the endless advocacy work, bureaucratic battles, and humiliating visitation processes that spouses (usually wives) endure just to stay connected. Survival demands community, even in places designed to keep people apart.

Grace, Humor, and Humanity

Despite the heaviness, Rachel insists on humor and grace as survival tools. From the woman unknowingly carrying a “Sooie, Run, Pig” purse into visitation, to the deep compassion she extends even to those branded “undeserving,” Rachel reminds us that belonging is about humanity, not perfection.

Meet Our Guest

Rachel Allen is an Appalachian-born writer and host of Beyond Broken, a podcast that dares to look straight into the brokenness of the U.S. prison system and imagine something better. A journalist-turned-marketer-turned-memoirist, Rachel has written for global brands, tiny nonprofits, and everyone in between. Her essays and upcoming memoir, Batshit, dig deep into the uncomfortable, beautiful truth of what it means to be human and still fight like hell to belong.

Meet Our Host

Tonya Kubo is a community strategist, marketing consultant, and rebel with a cause: helping people find the place where they truly belong. For nearly two decades, she’s built online spaces that feel less like comment sections and more like chosen family. She’s the fixer you call when your Facebook group has gone straight-up Lord of the Flies and the bouncer at the door of internet nonsense. As the host of Find Your Freaks, Tonya brings together unconventional thinkers and bridge-builders who know “normal” was never the point. Her favorite spaces? The ones where the freak flags fly high.

Key Quotes

• “On any given day I could be talking to an eight-figure entrepreneur or a homeless person—both are equally valuable to me.” — Rachel Allen
• “There is nothing someone can do that makes me see them as less than human.” — Rachel Allen
• “Belonging isn’t about being included. It’s about being expected: Of course you’re here. We’ve been waiting for you.” — Tonya Kubo

Links and Mentions

• Heather Pirtle and the First Network
• Rachel’s upcoming memoir Batshit
• Beyond Broken on Substack
• RachelCatherineAllen.com
• Rachel on Instagram
• Rachel on LinkedIn

Support the Show

If Find Your Freaks matters to you, help us keep it ad-free by buying us a coffee (or two!). Every dollar goes to production so more weirdos can find their people. You can purchase Find Your Freaks merchandise online through Abilities and Attitudes.

Let’s Stay Freaky

• Facebook Group
• LinkedIn
• Instagram
• Podcast Hub

What’s Next

Rachel’s interview left me wondering about whose suffering matters, and which lives we consider worthy of grieving. Episode 5 explores the idea of dehumanization further and how it affects beliefs about those who look, believe, live and choose differently from ourselves.

Why belonging beats shame every time

Most people who join Clutter Free Academy don’t show up with cheerful introductions. They arrive calling themselves lazy, terrible, bad moms, bad wives. They expect judgment. Maybe rejection.

Instead, they’re met with kindness. Sometimes aggressively so.

In this solo episode of Find Your Freaks, I go deeper into my conversation with Kathi Lipp (Ep 2) and explore how Clutter Free Academy became one of the kindest corners of the internet — not through rules or chore charts, but through belonging. Clutter may look like a housekeeping issue, but it’s really about overwhelm, perfectionism, and shame. What people need most isn’t motivation. It’s safety. And safety starts with kindness.

This episode is about the mechanics of creating community around sensitive struggles: why guardrails matter, how to universalize pain so no one feels alone, and why exclusion is a feature, not a flaw.

Episode Highlights

• [03:51] Kathi’s trust: building on free rein
• [07:20] Guardrails that made Clutter Free safe
• [09:21] Tonya’s story of clutter, hoarding, and healing
• [12:29] Insisting on kindness—even toward yourself
• [17:55] Universalizing struggles to normalize experience
• [20:15] Aggressive kindness in practice
• [25:40] Why exclusion is part of belonging
• [27:37] Belonging before belief

Leading with Kindness

New members often introduced themselves with harsh self-talk: “I’m lazy. I’m terrible. I’m the worst.” My first response was always the same: “Whoa, whoa, whoa. We are the kindest corner of the internet. That means you must be kind to yourself.”

Kindness wasn’t optional. It was the baseline that told people they already belonged.

Guardrails That Create Safety

We didn’t open Clutter Free to everyone. “Born organized” types who came to gawk or critique were kept out. Guardrails weren’t about control—they were about creating safety so vulnerability could thrive.

Universalizing Struggles

Clutter might show up as messy homes, but for many it’s cluttered calendars or cluttered thinking. By naming clutter as part of a universal human struggle, members realized they weren’t defective—they were human.

Belonging Before Belief

You can’t shame people into belonging. Whatever your community’s focus—health, parenting, creativity—the same truth applies: people must belong before they can believe.

Meet Your Host

Tonya Kubo is a community strategist, marketing consultant, and rebel with a cause: helping people find the place where they truly belong. For nearly two decades, she’s built online spaces that feel less like comment sections and more like chosen family. She’s the fixer you call when your Facebook group has gone straight-up Lord of the Flies and the bouncer at the door of internet nonsense. As host of Find Your Freaks, Tonya brings together unconventional thinkers and bridge-builders who know “normal” was never the point.

Support the Show

If Find Your Freaks matters to you, help us keep it ad-free by buying us a coffee (or two!). Every dollar goes to production so more weirdos can find their people.

You can purchase Find Your Freaks merchandise online through Abilities and Attitudes.

Links and Mentions

• Clutter Free Academy Facebook Group
• The Clutter Free Academy Podcast

Let’s Stay Freaky

• Facebook Group
• LinkedIn
• Instagram
• Podcast Hub

What’s Next

Next week, we’ll tackle how finding your people doesn’t always mean starting a group. It can also mean using your unique gifts on behalf of others. Stay tuned for a conversation about secrets, support, and the unexpected ways belonging shows up.