Don't you have to criticize your kids and spouse to motivate them? The answer is "No". Learn a different strategy that will help you kick the criticism habit. 

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Show notes:

Amelia’s experience with her new ponies

Strength-based motivation contrasted with “criticism motivation”

Creates defensivenesses 

Need to disrupt negative strategies 

Criticism is a habit of mind

“Something’s wrong here”

Strength-based motivation is good for relationships and for personal resilience

Definition of Strength-based motivation 

Example of child cleaning the kitchen poorly

“Nothing I do is ever good enough”

Laissez-faire parenting ends up in blow-ups and recriminations 

Cooperate to assist in cleaning

Volunteer to be the servant and boss

Make the process relational as you include instruction

Example 2: Being on time

Find an instance that they are already mastering

Validate the person’s strength

Invite them to apply strengths to the new situation

Find and acknowledge places that people are successful

Criticism generates defensiveness

Express faith and offer a support system

Shaping behavior as a factor in strength based motivation 

Definition of shaping behavior

Freshman psychology class shaping behavior of professors 

Don’t wait for perfection to reinforce behavior

Amelia’s example of her daughter’s attitude

Have conversation with daughter when she’s not upset

A reminder cue 

Solution-focused approach

What can you keep doing that created the good results 

Most of us use criticism 90% of time 

Strength-based motivation could be 90% of motivation 

This strategy can be used in all relationships regather than shaming and failure

Gossiping and complaining 

Say 3 nice things about that person or situation instead 

When children are whining or complaining ask 

What’s right about this situation?

Then process what needs to change. 

Teach and train before the negative behavior occurs. 

Intentionally teach beforehand rather than just catching a child in a bad situation. 

This strengthens the attachment relationship

After a difficult situation you can ask your child to find 3 good things about the difficult situation 

This helps your family culture to be more positive