November 18, 2020

009-Jackals and Giraffes

15 minutes

Giraffes are tall, so they have far vision, and when you're using the Non-Violent Communication process, you have to have a long vision. It's not about being right or wrong, good or bad, it's like this longer view of what you're wanting in life. This might seem corny to some, but it's the truth, it's very much based in love.

Key Points Discussed:

• So with jackal out, somebody says something you don't like, somebody blames you and you blame them back. That's what you do when you have jackal out. And if you're the type of person that when someone says something that you don't enjoy, you blame them back, what emotion do you get to live from? Anger, right? (3:02)

• Sadness and fear. Maybe sadness, fear, depression. So before most of us knew NVC, that's all we had, we have the jacket in and jackal out. So we either were living from anger or depression, or Marshall Rosenberg, the guy that developed in NVC, he used to say, we're ambidextrous, which means that, oftentimes, somebody says something that you don't like and you blame the other person and then you get down on yourself. (4:22)

• First, I gave myself empathy, which was, I feel scared and I have a need for safety. I didn't say that out loud, but I remember very clearly telling myself that like, Wow, in this moment, I really need safety, and then I just launched into really listening to what her needs were. (10:19)

• Ease and connection. I mean, it was really sweet, we all walked out of that room really connected as opposed to upset and disconnected. And man, It would have just sucked so bad, had it not gone that way. And I want to say it's not an easy thing. What we're talking about here. It's not like, Oh yeah, I get it. But my giraffe ears on. No, no, we have lifetimes of undoing the habit of blaming one another, and I usually like to tell people to carry around a needs and feelings list. (12:43)

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