What gets in the way of truly intimate, healthy relationships…and what can we do about it? In this moving episode, Forrest is joined by renowned couples therapist Terry Real to explore how we can build deeper, more meaningful connections.

They unpack key concepts from Relational Life Therapy, including the shift from “me” to “us,” the difference between the adaptive child and wise adult, and how to stay grounded during conflict through relational mindfulness. Terry explains how individualism and patriarchal conditioning fuel disconnection, and how therapy can help couples move from power struggles to true collaboration. A highlight of the episode is a live experiential process, where Terry guides Forrest through some inner child work.

About our Guest: Terry Real is a family therapist, speaker, and bestselling author known for his groundbreaking work on men, masculinity, and relationships. He is the founder of Relational Life Therapy (RLT) and the author of several books including The New Rules of Marriage and Us: Getting Past You and Me to Build a More Loving Relationship.

Key Topics:

0:00: Introduction 

1:34: Systemic thinking in therapy, and the cultural forces that shape relationships

9:00: RLT and confrontation in therapy

12:58: The Adaptive Child, Wise Adult, and how internal parts shape how we relate

17:13: Relational mindfulness, and moving from 'me' to 'us'

27:12: Fierce intimacy: why telling the truth is more loving than being “nice”

30:16: Psychological patriarchy, and how it ruins our relationships

43:28: Experiential process: Terry guides Forrest through inner child work

54:07: How patriarchal norms distort emotional connection for men

1:06:24: Recap

Rick’s Change Your Mind Course: Learn how to break old scripts, get some space around self-doubting thoughts, and act in a new way. Six-week course starts June 21, learn more about it at RickHanson.com/changing. Use coupon code BeingWell25 to receive 25% off.

Support the Podcast: We're now on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link.

Sponsors

Head to acornsearly.com/beingwell or download the Acorns Early app to help your kids grow their money skills today. 

Get Notion Mail for free right now at notion.com/beingwell, and try the inbox that thinks like you

For a limited time, get Headspace FREE for 60 days. Go to Headspace.com/BEINGWELL60.

Sign up for a one-dollar-per-month trial period at shopify.com/beingwell. 

Go to ZOE.com and find out what ZOE Membership could do for you. Use code WELL10 to get 10% off membership.

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Forrest is joined by therapist Kimberley Quinlan to explore one of the most misunderstood anxiety disorders: obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD). Drawing from her clinical and personal experience, Kimberley breaks down what OCD is, how it differs from general anxiety, and the ways it’s often mischaracterized.

They discuss the core features of obsessions and compulsions, and how these can manifest across a wide range of themes, including harm, contamination, morality, and relationships. Kimberley explains how Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP) works, what makes an exposure “good,” and how to build tolerance for distress rather than trying to eliminate it. They also touch on self-compassion, the role of medication, and the stigmas that can keep people from getting help.

About our Guest: Kimberley Quinlan is a licensed marriage and family therapist, author, host of the popular Your Anxiety Toolkit podcast, and the founder of CBTschool.com.

Key Topics:

0:00: Introduction

1:19: Kimberley’s personal experience with OCD

3:36: What is OCD? Obsessions vs. compulsions

8:18: The relationship between trauma (PTSD) and OCD in Kimberley’s experience

11:12: ERP and approaches to treatment

17:14: Differences between clinical ERP and informal exposure practices

24:30: Imaginal exposures for fears that can’t be physically enacted

28:52: Resourcing for exposure

30:26: What if exposure goes poorly? 

34:38: Role of self-compassion in OCD treatment

37:02: Considering medication: benefits, stigma, and SSRIs

42:52: Unhooking from intrusive thoughts: ACT, mindfulness, DBT

53:59: “How can I make this my bravest day?”

57:45: Recap

Support the Podcast: We're now on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link.

Sponsors

Head to acornsearly.com/beingwell or download the Acorns Early app to help your kids grow their money skills today. 

Get Notion Mail for free right now at notion.com/beingwell, and try the inbox that thinks like you

For a limited time, get Headspace FREE for 60 days. Go to Headspace.com/BEINGWELL60.

Sign up for a one-dollar-per-month trial period at shopify.com/beingwell. 

Go to ZOE.com and find out what ZOE Membership could do for you. Use code WELL10 to get 10% off membership.

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In this very fun episode, Dr. Rick and Forrest open the mailbag and answer questions from listeners about people pleasing, the potential (and pitfalls) of using AI as a therapist, and what to do when you develop strong feelings for your therapist. They discuss existential themes like aloneness and agency, whether Gandalf would have made a good therapist, and close with some heartfelt thoughts about what supports a long and loving relationship.

Rick’s Attachment Course: Rick is offering a 5-week course on healing insecure attachment that helps people work through attachment issues and improve their relationships. All the sessions are up now, and there's a live Q&A event on May 27, 2025 at 12pm PT via Zoom. You can learn more at RickHanson.com/attachment and get 25% off with coupon code BeingWell25.

Key Topics:

0:00: Introduction and Opening Banter

2:50: Question 1: People-Pleasing vs. Prosocial Advice for Depression

6:10: Follow-Up: Do We Train Others to Ignore Our Needs?

11:20: Creating Reciprocal Relationships

12:23: Question 2: AI as a Therapist

31:16: Question 3: Sexual Transference in Therapy

39:56: Question 4: Is Remembering That We’re ‘Ultimately Alone’ Helpful?

56:55: Question 5: What’s the Secret to a Long and Happy Marriage?

1:07:13: Wrap-Up and Final Thoughts

Support the Podcast: We're now on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link.

Sponsors

Head to acornsearly.com/beingwell or download the Acorns Early app to help your kids grow their money skills today. 

Get Notion Mail for free right now at notion.com/beingwell, and try the inbox that thinks like you

For a limited time, get Headspace FREE for 60 days. Go to Headspace.com/BEINGWELL60.

Sign up for a one-dollar-per-month trial period at shopify.com/beingwell. 

Go to ZOE.com and find out what ZOE Membership could do for you. Use code WELL10 to get 10% off membership.

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Dr. Rick and Forrest explore disorganized, or “fearful,” attachment. This complex style occurs when emotional intimacy and distance both feel uncomfortable, and typically arises based on difficult life experiences. They unpack why this attachment pattern forms, what it feels like on the inside, and how it can change over time. Dr. Rick explains how to break the Catch-22 of disorganized attachment, and how fully embracing and expressing your needs can be the key to finding stability. Topics include hypersensitivity, repression, experiencing out, self-regulation, and why "boring" relationships can be transformative.

You can watch this episode on YouTube.

Key Topics:

0:00: Introduction

2:20: How attachment theory developed, and how it has evolved

11:20: How attachment styles shift based on life experience

15:25: Social environment and internal reliability

23:55: The catch 22 of healing disorganized attachment

29:35: Leveraging coping mechanisms for healing

32:20: Hypersensitivity and embracing your need for attunement

39:50: Repression, and experiencing out

45:45: Recognizing what’s true, and how reality is reliable

48:25: Caring for the body, and innate self-love

53:45: Unique therapeutic approaches to disorganized attachment styles

55:25: Embracing what you really want, and creating a coherent narrative

58:40: Bottom-up self-regulation, self-trust, and internalizing positive feedback

1:04:20: When stable relationships are “boring”

1:06:55: Self-respect and freedom in communication

Support the Podcast: We're now on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link.

Sponsors

Head to acornsearly.com/beingwell or download the Acorns Early app to help your kids grow their money skills today. 

Get Notion Mail for free right now at notion.com/beingwell, and try the inbox that thinks like you

For a limited time, get Headspace FREE for 60 days. Go to Headspace.com/BEINGWELL60.

Sign up for a one-dollar-per-month trial period at shopify.com/beingwell. 

Go to ZOE.com and find out what ZOE Membership could do for you. Use code WELL10 to get 10% off membership.

Go to Zocdoc.com/BEING to find and instantly book a top-rated doctor today.

Connect with the show:

Subscribe on iTunes

Follow Forrest on YouTube

Follow us on Instagram

Follow Forrest on Instagram

Follow Rick on Facebook

Follow Forrest on Facebook

Visit Forrest's website

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Forrest is joined by clinical psychologist Dr. Scott Eilers to explore how he both treats and lives with chronic depression. They discuss anhedonia, the catch-22 of treatment resistance, how to build new practices when it’s the last thing you want to do, acceptance, and how a values-based approach can help someone move forward even when they’re feeling stuck. The conversation touches on some of the existential aspects of depression, the therapeutic relationship, and finding some humor along the way.

About Our Guest: Dr. Scott Eilers is a licensed clinical psychologist, author, and mental health coach specializing in severe, treatment-resistant mood and anxiety disorders. He is the author of For When Everything Is Burning and hosts the podcast The Psychology of Depression and Anxiety.

You can watch this episode on YouTube.

Key Topics:

0:00: Introduction

1:25: Scott’s personal experience of depression

5:45: Distinguishing sadness from depression, and depression vs. a depressing life

9:25: Choosing action, and emotional budgeting

19:10: Symptoms as obstacles, and when to establish new practices

24:45: Navigating emotional numbness, and creating rewarding experiences

31:30: Loneliness, and the struggle to be witnessed

37:45: Accepting how things are, and aiming for better instead of perfect

48:35: AI therapy

54:30: Finding out who you are and what you care about

59:15: Humor, sarcasm, and snarkiness

1:02:50: Recap

Support the Podcast: We're now on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link.

Sponsors

Head to acornsearly.com/beingwell or download the Acorns Early app to help your kids grow their money skills today. 

Get Notion Mail for free right now at notion.com/beingwell, and try the inbox that thinks like you

For a limited time, get Headspace FREE for 60 days. Go to Headspace.com/BEINGWELL60.

Sign up for a one-dollar-per-month trial period at shopify.com/beingwell. 

Go to ZOE.com and find out what ZOE Membership could do for you. Use code WELL10 to get 10% off membership.

Go to Zocdoc.com/BEING to find and instantly book a top-rated doctor today.

Connect with the show:

Subscribe on iTunes

Follow Forrest on YouTube

Follow us on Instagram

Follow Forrest on Instagram

Follow Rick on Facebook

Follow Forrest on Facebook

Visit Forrest's website

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Forrest is joined by poet and author Diego Perez - better known as Yung Pueblo - for a live conversation recorded at City Arts & Lectures in San Francisco. They reunite the sensitive boys club to talk about how inner work transforms our relationships, what it means to love with an open hand, and the difference between attachment and commitment. Diego shares how his meditation practice reshaped his life and partnership, how he and his wife built a new culture of honesty together, and why real love always shows you what you need to work on.

About our Guest: Yung Pueblo is a poet, meditator, and the bestselling author of five books, including How to Love Better: The Path to Deeper Connection Through Growth, Kindness, and Compassion.

Key Topics:

0:00: Introduction

4:55: Diego’s personal background, and how he came to meditation

9:25: How meditation affects your relationships

13:40: Attachment vs. commitment, and developing comfort with receiving love

20:50: The student mentality, spiritual arrogance, and ‘don’t know mind’

26:45: Preventative communication

30:40: Being in a relationship when both partners are constantly evolving

35:55: What happens on a silent retreat

40:45: How “advanced meditators” argue, and how to have a low stakes relationship check-in

47:45: Rebuilding after past hurt

54:50: Diego’s relationship with the internet, and why he goes by Yung Pueblo

59:35: RecapSupport the Podcast: We're now on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link.

Sponsors

Head to fastgrowingtrees.com/BEINGWELL to get 15% off the best deals for your yard. Use BEINGWELL at checkout, and take advantage of their Alive and Thrive Guarantee!

Sign up for a one-dollar-per-month trial period at shopify.com/beingwell. 

Go to ZOE.com and find out what ZOE Membership could do for you. Use code WELL10 to get 10% off membership.

Get 15% off OneSkin with the code BEINGWELL at https://www.oneskin.co/ 

Connect with the show:

Subscribe on iTunes

Follow Forrest on YouTube

Follow us on Instagram

Follow Forrest on Instagram

Follow Rick on Facebook

Follow Forrest on Facebook

Visit Forrest's website

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Can we really change our personalities? In this episode, Forrest is joined by someone who’s actually tried most of the things we talk about on the podcast: journalist and author Olga Khazan. Olga shares the personal experiments that led to her becoming more extroverted and agreeable, and less neurotic. They discuss the Big Five personality traits, how behavior shapes identity, the role of self-concept, authenticity, and some of the common challenges people face when trying to change a core aspect of who they are.

About Our Guest: Olga Khazan is a writer at The Atlantic, where she covers health, culture, and the complexities of human behavior. She's the author of Weird: The Power of Being an Outsider in an Insider World and her new book Me, But Better: The Science and Promise of Personality Change.

You can watch this episode on YouTube.

Key Topics:

0:00: Introduction

1:15: Olga’s personal background with personality change

5:20: Age, extroversion, self-concept, and Olga’s improv classes

10:10: Unconditional positive regard, meditation, and mindfulness

20:55: Trying on different traits, and acceptance vs. change

24:25: Conscientiousness, openness, agreeableness, and individualism

36:20: Changing at the ‘trait level’, and the changes Olga has embraced most

43:50: Psychedelics, non-self, and identifying what’s really true

53:50: Nature vs. nurture and the aspects we can’t change

56:30: Parenting and personality change

1:02:05: Recap

Support the Podcast: We're now on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link.

Sponsors

Head to fastgrowingtrees.com/BEINGWELL to get 15% off the best deals for your yard. Use BEINGWELL at checkout, and take advantage of their Alive and Thrive Guarantee!

Sign up for a one-dollar-per-month trial period at shopify.com/beingwell. 

Go to ZOE.com and find out what ZOE Membership could do for you. Use code WELL10 to get 10% off membership.

Get 15% off OneSkin with the code BEINGWELL at https://www.oneskin.co/ 

Connect with the show:

Subscribe on iTunes

Follow Forrest on YouTube

Follow us on Instagram

Follow Forrest on Instagram

Follow Rick on Facebook

Follow Forrest on Facebook

Visit Forrest's website

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Dr. Lindsay Gibson joins Forrest to explore emotional immaturity, the consequences of growing up with emotionally immature caregivers, and what we can do to change those patterns in adulthood. They discuss the key signs of emotional immaturity, including egocentrism, low empathy, and affective realism. Dr. Gibson then shares how having an emotionally immature parent affects children, often by leading to emotional disconnection and people-pleasing, and the consequences of these patterns in adult life. Topics include the problems with “just be more compassionate,” estrangement, balancing competing desires, and how to heal in adulthood by reconnecting with your feelings, letting go of old fantasies, and setting healthy boundaries.

About our Guest: Dr. Lindsay Gibson is a clinical psychologist and the author of the Emotional Immaturity series of books, including her bestseller Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents. 

You can watch this episode on YouTube.

Key Topics:

0:00: Introduction

1:15: How Dr. Gibson defines emotional immaturity

6:45: Markers of emotional immaturity in parents

11:05: Emotional intelligence in children, loneliness, and regulating parents

19:05: The arc of recovery, responding to feelings with thoughts, and healthy guidance

31:00: Repeating patterns in relationships

36:15: Letting go of the healing fantasy, and when to take space

42:45: Estrangement, compassion, boundary setting, and becoming more authentic

58:45: When healthy change creates social pressure

1:01:55: Common misconceptions about emotional immaturity

1:06:05: Recap

Support the Podcast: We're now on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link.

Sponsors

Head to fastgrowingtrees.com/BEINGWELL to get 15% off the best deals for your yard. Use BEINGWELL at checkout, and take advantage of their Alive and Thrive Guarantee!

Sign up for a one-dollar-per-month trial period at shopify.com/beingwell. 

Go to ZOE.com and find out what ZOE Membership could do for you. Use code WELL10 to get 10% off membership.

Get 15% off OneSkin with the code BEINGWELL at https://www.oneskin.co/ 

Connect with the show:

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Forrest and Dr. Rick explore how self-concept, the invisible architecture of who we are, shapes our lives. They discuss how identity can become a cage, the unconscious beliefs we have about who we are, and how loosening those beliefs might be the key to lasting change.

Forrest and Rick talk about the science of psychological flexibility, how to challenge limiting self-beliefs, and why a little more “don’t-know mind” can go a long way. They share insights from Carl Rogers, Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), and Buddhist philosophy, and focus on practical ways to update your self-concept without losing who you are.

You can watch this episode on YouTube.

Key Topics:

0:00: Introduction

1:40: What is self-concept?

8:25: Stories, frameworks, and expectations

13:30: ‘I’ vs. ‘me’, and feeling misunderstood

16:55: Carl Rogers’ framework of self-concept and congruence

24:20: Common tropes for defending identity

30:45: Applying principles of biological evolution to your sense of self

34:50: Resistance to change, and misguided beliefs

40:35: Don’t-know mind, affirmation, and taking in the good

47:30: The Buddhist conception of the self

53:40: Living in direct experience, and basic trust

56:50: Recap

Support the Podcast: We're now on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link.

Sponsors

Get Headspace FREE for 60 days. Go to Headspace.com/BEINGWELL60 to unlock all of Headspace FREE for 60 days.

Head to fastgrowingtrees.com/BEINGWELL to get 15% off the best deals for your yard. Use BEINGWELL at checkout, and take advantage of their Alive and Thrive Guarantee!

Sign up for a one-dollar-per-month trial period at shopify.com/beingwell. 

Get 15% off OneSkin with the code BEINGWELL at https://www.oneskin.co/ 

Go to ZOE.com and find out what ZOE Membership could do for you. Use code WELL10 to get 10% off membership.

Connect with the show:

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Forrest and Dr. Rick explore one of his most powerful psychological tools: linking. Over time, linking can help us rewire the brain, softening the impact of painful memories. They discuss the neuroscience behind this process, the role of memory reconsolidation, and the importance of matching positive experiences to our original pains. Rick shares personal examples, practical tips, and a few important cautions so you can apply this technique safely. This is a grounded, hands-on episode focused on one of his most high-impact ideas.

Warning: There is a brief mention of SA toward the end of the episode. 

You can watch this episode on YouTube.

Key Topics:

0:00: Introduction

1:45: What is linking?

5:30: The relationship between linking and memory, and coherence therapy

12:20: The challenges with linking, and making the positive stronger than the negative

20:40: How to practice linking

31:00: How to disentangle our adult selves from our ‘parts’

39:30: The “erasure protocol”

53:15: How long it takes for linking to help, and key questions to ask yourself

1:02:05: Recap

Support the Podcast: We're now on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link.

Sponsors

Get Headspace FREE for 60 days. Go to Headspace.com/BEINGWELL60 to unlock all of Headspace FREE for 60 days.

Head to fastgrowingtrees.com/BEINGWELL to get 15% off the best deals for your yard. Use BEINGWELL at checkout, and take advantage of their Alive and Thrive Guarantee!

Sign up for a one-dollar-per-month trial period at shopify.com/beingwell. 

Get 15% off OneSkin with the code BEINGWELL at https://www.oneskin.co/ 

Go to ZOE.com and find out what ZOE Membership could do for you. Use code WELL10 to get 10% off membership.

Connect with the show:

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices