I had so much fun reading psychologist Paul Eastwick’s book Bonded by Evolution: The New Science of Love and Connection. A lot of his work reveals the enduring myths that are engrained in our culture and our minds about attraction, compatibility, gender differences, and relationships—and why these myths have been somewhat mistakenly connected to evolutionary psychology. The way he debunks these myths is so helpful, and also very entertaining, I think, whether you are single, dating, or in a relationship. Today, he shares some great hot takes on the apps; the significance (or not!) of first impressions, what’s behind compatibility and lasting attraction, how same-sex friends work, infidelity risk factors—and much more.

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“That’s the kind of story, that's the kind of image that I'm talking about—that really just sinks into you and won’t let go,” says psychologist Sharon Blackie. Today, Blackie returns to discuss her new book Ripening: Why Women Need Fairytales Now. Once again, her perspective is helping me make sense of who we are at different stages of our lives.

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“We’re all addicted to light,” says Andrew Holocek, author of Total Eclipse of the Mind: Unleashing the Power of Darkness for Creativity, Healing, and Transformation. “We’re all light junkies in the deepest possible way. And so because we're so lost in the light, blinded by the light, that I think the pendulum is swinging back. And there's a deep intimation, it may be inarticulate for a number of people—why so many people are simultaneously attracted and repulsed by the darkness, of what it represents.” Today, Holocek (who has been meditating for 50 years and doing dark retreat for 30) shares how to dip your toe into dark practice, a soothing way of framing fear, and a glimpse into what each of us might find in the dark. 

For the show notes (including a link to the masks we talk about), head to my Substack.

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As I’m heading into a series of initiations, I’m sharing a few challenges (opportunities!) that I’m sure many of you are familiar with: our struggle to prioritize ourselves, worrying over what will happen if I slow down, wanting to have faith in myself in the way that I have faith in other people and in the world. In this month’s solo episode, I’m also sharing a bit about my upcoming move from Substack to Beehiv, a sabbatical of sorts that I’m taking, and what’s coming up on the podcast.

For the show notes, you can still head to my Substack.

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New York Times–bestselling author Bruce Feiler is back after just a few years with another great one, A Time to Gather: How Ritual Created the World—and How It Can Save Us. Today, he reveals what he’s learned about the rise of reinvented rituals. He shares some incredible stories of people around the world who are creating rituals for all kinds of moments—from celebrating professional and personal milestones to honor walks for organ donors, miscarriage rituals, and Taylor Swift divorce parties. He also guides me through a ritual design class in real time, showing how simple—and powerful—it can be to create a ritual of connection in our own lives.

For the show notes, head to my Substack.

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Ibram X. Kendi, is the author of the #1 New York Times–bestseller How to Be an Antiracist. His new book is Chain of Ideas: The Origins of Our Authoritarian Age. It is incredibly insightful and illuminating in terms of mapping out how we got to where we are, around the world. And what Kendi shares in our conversation today is also quite helpful in terms of pointing us in a new direction.

For the show notes, head to my Substack.

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I met Stacey Lindsay about a decade ago and worked with her for a few years—she’s a curious, compassionate journalist and writer—but I didn’t know much of her own incredible personal story until I read her new book Being 40 and had this conversation with her. We talked about the meaning of this decade of our lives, but more broadly, we talked about the scripts and checklists that women are often handed throughout our lives—and how we go about setting these down, centering ourselves, and self-authoring. We talked about being disappointed by the people we love, about forgiveness, about breaking cycles, and about the people we want to become next.

For the show notes, head to my Substack.

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In 2018, health and science journalist Alexandra Sifferlin began her investigation into the American diagnosis crisis: Why are so many people being misdiagnosed? What is the cost of this error? Who is trying to change the system—and what does a better healthcare system (for all of us) look like? The resulting book—The Elusive Body—is a fascinating read. Today, we cover the major parts of Sifferlin’s investigation and what’s unfolded even since she finished writing.

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I had some personal highs this April, and also a strange feeling (for me, someone who is constantly in motion, always moving forward) of being a bit unmoored—a reminder of needing to wait, of letting cycles be, of accepting stillness (or trying to, at least). I’ve also been thinking of a (related) Carissa Schumacher metaphor—the idea that each of us prefers a different part of the cycles of life: seeding, growing, or harvesting. I’m reflecting on all of this—and a few other new things that have become very meaningful to me—in this month’s solo episode.

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In her moving and beautiful book, When We See You Again, Rachel Goldberg-Polin writes about her love for her son, Hersh, who was stolen from a musical festival on October 7, 2023, and executed after 328 days of being held hostage. While I completely understand the instinct to turn away, I also really hope you will stay with us for this conversation, if you can. Rachel is incredible, and there are so many gifts to be found in her words. She told me stories that made me laugh, that stunned me, that were utterly profound, and that will stay with me forever. If you have ever wondered why we’re here—or what your “why” is—I think you will also be changed by Rachel, too.

For the show notes, head to my Substack.

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