Pulling The Thread with Elise Loehnen

“ It’s just incredibly hard to really resist these forces that are, you know, probably from evolution, that we adapt to our circumstances,” says psychologist Angela Duckworth, PhD. “But once you have that insight, then you realize that you do have to shape your circumstances before they shape you.” In her new book Situated, Duckworth (who wrote the #1 New York Times bestseller Grit) reveals the often hidden ways that situational elements affect us, and she maps out optimistic strategies for sometimes changing our environment and sometimes improving the situations in our lives. In our conversation, she also shares some funny and enlightening psychology findings that help explain why we can be so different across different settings, and why our expectations of ourselves are socially determined. And toward the end, she offers an alternative approach to effortfully pursuing our goals—which does not involve suffering, and which is actually more effective (go figure!).

For the show notes, head to eliseloehnen.com.

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This month’s solo episode is mostly about what I think will come of all the AI generation, the fabrication of viral moments, and the latest iteration of marketing that we’re starting to see through. And why I think where we’re headed is mostly good for us. I’m also answering questions about how I personally use AI, as well as why I chose to move from Substack to Beehiv, and some little quirky things I’m hosting that you can join. But first, I’ll share a quick (positive!) health update, and what I’ve learned from Dr. Lucy McBride about how we tend to fall into different patient archetypes.

For the show notes and more details about the events and such I mention, head to eliseloehnen.com.

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“ I think these resources are good because it gives you the language and the tools to do something that doesn’t necessarily feel right,” says Stephanie Wittels Wachs, author of Last Day. Steph also hosts a podcast by the same name and is the cofounder and CEO of Lemonada Media (the podcast network I’ve been with for the last year or so). I’m so grateful to Steph for sharing a more nuanced and compassionate perspective on addiction, and for creating a vital guide for living with addiction, for connecting with loved ones who have this disease, for saving more lives—and for evolving our culture more broadly, which is so needed. Also for the warmth and humor with which Steph does this all!

I’ve covered addiction a lot on Pulling the Thread, so I’m compiling all the resources (including Steph’s book) in the show notes on my site: eliseloehnen.com.

Get 50% off Monarch, the all-in-one financial tool, at monarch.com with code THREAD.

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Chloe Redmond Warner is a very talented interior designer—and one of my closest childhood friends. To celebrate the launch of her special book This Must Be the Place, which is about how to design a home with personality, I got to interview Chloe at Godmothers bookstore. This episode is adapted from our live conversation, in which Chloe is her usual hilarious and brilliant self. She shares some of the fun house projects she’s done over the years, including one named Little Women on Acid. We talk about the value of aesthetic intelligence; Chloe’s process of making a house feel like a home; why she forced herself to finish her degree in architecture from Harvard’s Graduate School of Design; and her theory regarding the equalness of art, architecture, and decoration.

For the show notes, head to eliseloehnen.com.

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David Epstein is a journalist and the #1 New York Times–bestselling author of Inside the Box (which we’re talking about today), Range, and The Sports Gene. He tells some fascinating stories that he uncovered during his research that challenge or complicate a lot of cultural perceptions about: freedom (often, sadly, the death knell of creativity!), originality and innovation (turns out there is an optimal level of newness), famous moments of insight and breakthrough (these surprised me), and the relationship between constraints and personal satisfaction (might surprise you). 

For the show notes, head to eliseloehnen.com.

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Claude Steele is a social psychologist, a professor of psychology at Stanford University, and the author of Churn: The Tension That Divides Us and How to Overcome It. Churn refers to the stress we often feel in diverse settings in everyday life; it’s the psychological reaction to being under identity threat—which is something we can all experience based on any myriad number of identity factors. Steele explains how churn can be an insidious and debilitating force in our personal lives, and he explains why the most effective way to approach churn is by building trust in a given situation. (While obviously Steele isn’t in support of prejudices of any kind, he doesn’t think the antidote here is to eliminate prejudice—and I think you’ll find his reasoning interesting.)

For the show notes, head to eliseloehnen.com.

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If you’ve been tuning into July’s special series of sorts, thank you, and I hope you’ve also been enjoying revisiting these conversations from the archives, or maybe you’re discovering them for the first time. Today, we have a big one with Jungian analyst James Hollis, PhD, who is the author of many, many books that are incredibly meaningful to me. And this conversation still lives up to how much I love his work. I actually cried at one point during our chat, which more or less revolves around how we go about finding our soul’s vocation.

For the show notes, head to eliseloehnen.com.

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I’m thrilled to be back on the podcast mic again—I’ve been healing from a double mastectomy and I’m doing well! Thank you to everyone who has been thinking of me. This update covers: the surgery experience, the energy healers and lymphatic masseuse I’ve been working with, a few essential things I bought for the recovery phase, something my friends did that was a huge help, and the mini revelations that have come to me during this sabbatical of sorts. I’m sharing a bit from the Omega retreat that I hosted with Satya Doyle Byock, a Jung story that set me straight, synchronicities from an oracle deck that I love, and what I’m up to next—now that I’ve realized I cannot out-robot the robots.

For the show notes—including the healer guide—head to eliseloehnen.com (my new site is finally live!).

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This special episode initially ran early in 2025 but I wanted to bump it up for those of you who missed it and also because I honestly think Richard Rohr is worthy of a re-listen. If you’re not already familiar with Richard Rohr, he’s a wonderful Franciscan friar, the founder of the Center for Action and Contemplation, and one of my most profound teachers. I really loved and highly recommend his book The Tears of Things: Prophetic Wisdom for an Age of Outrage. In this conversation, he helps us to make sense of disorder, evil, anger, and grief—while also helping us to truly grow.

For the show notes, head to eliseloehnen.com.

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Gabor Maté, MD, is renowned for his work on addiction, stress, trauma, and understanding and healing from illness. He has written several books, including The Myth of Normal. As part of a special series of sorts this month, I’m turning back to a conversation I had with him a few years ago about his perspective on the relationship between how we live, the culture we live in, and our health.

For the show notes, head to eliseloehnen.com.

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