Did you know that until you are truly compassionate to yourself, you can’t be compassionate to any other person?

In Episode #192 of The Gathering Room, I’m talking about building compassionate communities—and how a safe, loving, mutually supportive community is probably the most important thing we can ever have, especially during chaotic times.

I’ve been reading my way through all the skills that make you a good community creator, and one of my favorites is the book Nonviolent Communication by Marshall Rosenberg, who talks about creating community by first becoming your own good company.

We have such an individualistic, fragmenting society where we’re always pitted against each other in competition, but we long to experience moments of beautiful company where everyone feels lifted by everyone else. This kind of community is a basic human need.

Marshall Rosenberg says that everything we do is trying to meet our basic needs, and we go off course by trying to meet our needs with things that don’t work. He describes bringing ourselves into that sense of loving community by following a few basic steps:

* Identify any “mistakes” or behaviors you’re upset with yourself about.
* Notice any shaming language you use around those behaviors (words like “should”).
* Understand the need you were trying to meet with those behaviors.
* Allow yourself to mourn the fact that what you tried didn’t work.

Then, if you can empathize with the part of yourself that was trying to get a need met in an ill-advised way, there’s a kind of embrace that happens automatically—and in that embrace is forgiveness.

That’s when, within yourself, you have all of your parts, including what I call the “compassionate witness.” There are all the parts who’ve been trying so hard, and everyone is empathizing with everyone else. There is mutual forgiveness for everything you ever thought you did wrong, and no one is being blamed. That’s the way into being your own best company.

And from there on, Marshall Rosenberg tells us, everything is play.

To find out more about forgiving yourself, becoming your own best company, and creating supportive, compassionate communities, tune in for the full episode. I’ll also guide you through my Space, Silence, and Stillness meditation with a special focus on bringing your inner collective into loving harmony. Join me!

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As I’m sure you’re keenly aware, people are extremely divided these days. From our politics, to our attitudes, to our ways of speaking about others, we are growing more and more polarized—and mutually destructive.

On this episode of The Gathering Room podcast, I’m talking about how upset many of us feel, why that upset is not always coming from a place we can trust, and what we can do about it.

Once upon a time, they invented something called the internet. And on the internet, social media began to play out. And these platforms soon figured out that we pay more attention to things that upset us, so they started feeding us more and more upsetting content.

Because we evolved to be social creatures who are super susceptible to group influence, we’re basically hardwired to want to agree with the group, even if it means pretending to see things differently than we actually do.

Add all that evolutionary and psychological background to social media, and you soon get social media algorithms that keep us online by stoking constant outrage and fear.
We’re terrified of being bullied and looking for people to back us up, so we consume more and more information that’s designed to upset us. Then we lash out in a way that feels like self-defense, but it looks to other people like we’re attacking them. It’s a vicious cycle where everyone feels attacked by everyone else.

A lot of us feel vulnerable and outraged and afraid of the future and of other people right now. It’s been so exaggerated by our media and our social media that we’ve lost our sense of truth in all of this. And when you get people off their basic sense of truth, they will do almost anything. They will attack other people and leave their own ethics in the dust. When you lose your sense of truth, suddenly everything bobs and sways and there’s nothing real to stand on.

Everything is spinning and slanting and trying to get you to feel a certain way, but the only feeling that you can really build a life on is peace.

So, how can you get to peace in an increasingly polarized world?

Find out on this episode of The Gathering Room, where I’ll share the one statement I’ve found to be most grounding and true, how to make peace your primary goal in all interactions, and how peace can give you the strength and clarity you need to navigate life’s challenges.

We’ll also do our guided Space, Silence, and Stillness meditation to recalibrate ourselves toward clear minds, quiet hearts, and peace. Join me!

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When I was writing Beyond Anxiety, I wanted to find a good metaphor for building a life that you love within the cultural bounds of wherever you are and still stay sane. And I thought about crazy quilting!

If you are a quilter, you know that crazy quilting is not the same as ordinary quilting. Ordinary quilting starts with a pattern that is carefully drawn out, and then the quilter sews together panels that follow that pattern. With crazy quilting, you start with a scrap of fabric you love, and you sew another piece to it and then another and another, around and around in a spiral, until there’s a large enough piece of cloth that you can call a quilt.

And I was thinking: That’s sort of how you can make a life, too.

In this episode of The Gathering Room, I’m talking about what I call “sanity quilting” and offering up some practical advice for maintaining your mental well-being during turbulent times.

Like crazy quilting, sanity quilting involves building a life out of the things you love in order to stay peaceful, calm, inspired, and sane.

In the quilt that is your time—your whole life—most of us are taught to follow the patterns set by our culture: Get a job, get a relationship, have a family, buy a house, etc.

However, for me, it’s always been much more interesting to say, “What do I love most?” and put that at the center of my quilt. Then I put things that connect with it around the edges until I gradually fill up my time with things that I love. That’s the way I’ve lived my life.

The culture might view this as “crazy,” but I don’t think it’s not crazy to do what you love. What’s crazy is pushing what you love to the margins of your life—or even worse, never experiencing them at all.

Whenever the pattern of society that we thought we knew is being disrupted, it feels very confronting to a lot of people. At the times when everything around you feels like it’s going crazy, that’s when you must make a sanity quilt. And you do that in very quiet ways.

Join me for the full episode to learn more about stitching the things you love into your life, so you can cultivate peace, sanity, and calm during even the most challenging times.

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Lately I’ve been thinking a lot about wayfinding and how it can help us create what I call “the new consciousness,” which is both a state and a place that we can access. That’s what I’m talking about on this episode of The Gathering Room podcast—episode 189: Finding the Field.

The name of my Wayfinder Life Coach Training program was inspired by the wisdom of ancient “wayfinders”—people who had their own ways of navigating through whatever terrain they lived in, which is what I do as a life coach.

There is a scientist named Rupert Sheldrake who went wayfinding into the structure of the universe and came up with his theory of “morphic fields”—the idea that nature has memory, where similar patterns influence others across time and space. 

So I was thinking, when we go wayfinding, we’re going toward a morphic field. And while I call it wayfinding, I never tell people exactly what they’re finding their way toward, only that whatever it is will lead them to their purpose.

My wayfinding techniques put you in a state where your mind becomes a sort of field of openness that can receive things that resonate with the space, silence, and stillness that’s holding us all in a matrix of love.

Going into the Self and finding your way using the “compasses” of your body, heart, mind, and spirit is how you will “wayfind” to the new consciousness—a collective shift in the way humans think, the way we process consciousness, and the way we use our consciousness. 

To hear more about the new consciousness and how to access it (plus hear about my vivid encounters with the spirit of Dante Alighieri!), tune in for the full episode. You’ll also be able to join me for a guided group meditation devoted to those who are scared, suffering, or lonely.

Come meet me in the field.

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At long last, my book Beyond Anxiety: Curiosity, Creativity, and Finding Your Life’s Purpose has been released into the world!

In this episode of The Gathering Room—Episode #188: What Lies Beyond Anxiety?—I’m talking about the book and sharing some insights on overcoming anxiety through kindness, curiosity, and creativity.

What can I tell you about this book that I haven’t told you already? I’m glad you asked!

The book is divided into three parts: The Creature, The Creative, and The Creation. First you have to acknowledge that the anxious part of you is like a tiny scared animal, and you can’t use analysis or even medication to bash that little creature into a state of calm. You can only calm your creature by using kindness.

Once you’ve calmed your creature, you can tap into your creative brain by exploring what makes you curious. Once you start using the creative parts of your brain, you shift energy away from the anxious parts and form a different pattern in the brain.

Curiosity then leads us to creativity. Being in a panic is not a creative state and therefore can’t solve your problems—especially not problems you’ve never encountered before. For that, you’ve got to have creativity. Just remember to be gentle with yourself.

And remember that creativity isn’t limited to traditional artistic pursuits like painting, music, or dance. Cooking, conversation, birdwatching, rearranging furniture—these are all creative acts! In fact, just about everything we humans do is creative.

When we become creatively engaged with the world, we open our minds to the mysteries of existence. At this point, creation itself starts to play with us, like a mother dog with her puppies. We begin to notice synchronicities and feel a deep connection to the world around us.

In our online Wilder Community, we’re offering a year-long Deep Dive into Beyond Anxiety with monthly videos, live Q&As, and group discussions to really explore each chapter of the book.

To hear more about moving beyond anxiety through kindness, creativity, and openness to life’s mysteries, tune in for the full episode.

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On this episode of The Gathering Room, special guest Gabby Bernstein joins Martha to talk about her newest book, Self Help: This Is Your Chance to Change Your Life.

Martha and Gabby both love Internal Family Systems (IFS) Therapy—also known as “parts therapy”—and Gabby’s new book is all about making the principles of IFS Therapy accessible to everyone.

To learn more about IFS from Martha and Gabby—and for the chance to join Gabby and Martha in a transformative guided meditation—be sure to tune in!

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Culturally we tend to think of sensitivity as weakness, but Martha says that in fact, it’s a superpower!

In this episode of The Gathering Room, Episode #186: Using Your Powerful Sensitivity, she talks about how to appreciate your sensitivity and use it to create the life you’re meant to live.

By definition, sensitivity has to do with reacting strongly to very slight stimuli. As a result, our society has come to believe that it’s not a strong position to be highly sensitive, that such people are fragile.

What Martha has come to realize is that sensitivity is powerful, and sometimes it comes on powerfully. People who are highly sensitive may feel its power before other people do.

If you’re highly sensitive and you experience something wonderful, you actually have a strong uptick in your mood—and you may feel more wonderful than someone with lower sensitivities. But if an impulse comes in that you don’t understand, your brain might go into anxiety.

Martha says that the remedy for this anxiety is to check in with yourself by asking a series of questions: Is this physical? Is this mental? Is this emotional? Once you’ve checked in with body, mind, and heart, then you can realistically ground the sensation.

If your sensitivity is telling you that it’s none of those things, then you can safely assume it’s coming from a spiritual place.

Martha believes we’re in a really interesting, unprecedented landscape—politically, biologically, and ecologically—and we need to be guided. The way that guidance will come, especially to sensitive people, is through this unfamiliar stimulus that may feel weird and scary at first.

But as you start to explore what feels true, then the magic of the brain kicks in—your curiosity will bring you out of anxiety so your sensitivity can guide you exactly where you’re meant to go.

 As Martha says, “We are the ones who can start to lead our lives in the direction that our higher selves are signaling to us to go and potentially help a lot of other people whose sensitivities may not be quite as strong—and in this way we serve the world.”

To learn how to appreciate, listen to, and trust your powerful sensitivity, join Martha for the full episode, where she’ll also guide you in her grounding and calming Space, Stillness, and Silence meditation.

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Martha’s recent encounter with a flock of wild turkeys made her think about her relationship with wild animals and how they always seem to come when she calls them. 

In this episode of The Gathering Room, Episode #185: Calling Yourself Home, she shares several stories of her incredible interactions with animals and how her steps for calling to them can also be used on the wild parts of yourself to “call them home.”

This can be especially helpful during times when you feel overwhelmed, exhausted, or burned out. In Martha’s coaching experience, December is a particularly rough month for many people, and she herself feels scattered during this time.

Martha says the same technique she uses to call animals can be used to call in all the many parts of your Self, as if calling a flock of birds home to roost.

The first step, she says, is to be in complete integrity. This means telling yourself the truth. You have to track the parts of yourself that are unhappy or angry or fractious in some way and tell yourself the truth about them.

The second step is what Martha calls “centering presence” where you focus on a point in the center of your chest and imagine it filling with warm light. When you can feel the warmth, you’ll be able to breathe more deeply and start to relax. 

Finally, she says to imagine each part of yourself—the scared parts, the flighty parts, the parts who are tired, the parts who don’t want to do things—and imagine them coming home to that point of warmth and light in your chest.

“Maybe they're wild turkeys that can come home to roost in the tree that's inside you,” Martha says. “Or maybe it's a whole murmuration of starlings that can come perch and go to sleep for the night together on an infinitely small branch in the center of your chest.”

If you have parts of yourself that need to feel healed and included and loved, be sure to join Martha for the full episode. She’ll lead you in her Space, Stillness, and Silence meditation and help you call all the scattered parts of yourself home to rest.

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Our culture generally teaches us that anxiety will keep us safe—but really it’s our intuition that does that. In this episode of The Gathering Room—Episode #184: How to Access Intuition When You Really Need It, Martha talks about how to tell the difference between anxiety and intuition and how to hear what your intuition is trying to tell you.

There’s something Martha calls the “sense of truth,” which is a feeling of concord, peace, and calm that comes into us when we believe something that feels true at the deepest levels of the self. It’s trusting that whatever we’re believing at that moment is actually real.

“It turns out that a lot of the things we are anxious about are not real—not yet,” Martha says. “They’re potential, but they’re not real in this moment.”

Unlike fear, which is a rational response to a clear and present danger, anxiety is a chronic, suffering sense of being afraid of things that may not ever happen.

Martha says that one of the lies anxiety will always tell you is that only by staying anxious can you be safe—because when you’re not anxious, you’re not alert. However, exactly the opposite is true: People who are anxious can’t stay alert.

Real intuition arrives when our anxiety is quiet. So many of us are walking around constantly anxious, thinking we’re alert, thinking we can trust our intuition, when in fact, we’re blotting out our intuition with anxiety. 

To access intuition, we have to go into a state of stillness and peace and then listen for the fun—that’s the state of being where your intuition can talk to you.

“Your intuition can come in the goofiest, most wonderful ways,” Martha says, “once you realize it’s meant to be a frequency of joy and never a frequency of anxiety.” 

To learn more about listening to your intuition and finding its frequency of joy—and to join Martha in her anxiety-relieving Silence, Space, and Stillness meditation—be sure to tune in for the full episode!

 

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The state of the world right now is unnerving. In this episode of The Gathering Room, she shares how we can start to heal the parts of us that are in pain or despair over the state of things.

Martha says that when we experience trauma, shock, fear, or loss, our psyches can split into different parts to help us cope. To heal this loss of integrity or wholeness, we need to unite all the parts of ourselves that are hurting. And we do this by loving them unconditionally.

In this episode, Martha walks us through a powerful visualization exercise to help us access our deepest capacity for love, hope, and joy, so we can welcome the suffering parts of ourselves to “be warmed by the fire of love.” 

As she describes it, “We have to come together as individuals held by the intelligence of nature, by the consciousness of the universe.”

When we can love all the different parts of ourselves, including our sorrow, our fear, our anger, we can love the people around us. And when that happens, vibrant communities begin to form—like Wilder, the “sanctuary for the bewildered” that Martha created with Rowan Mangan.

As Martha shares, “Everything I’ve seen online from the people I respect most, whether they’re politically savvy people or psychologists or community organizers, everybody’s saying the same thing: ‘Join something. Connect, connect, connect.’”

Shock, overwhelm, fear, and rage are ameliorated as we connect with others who are feeling the same way. And this coming together of the shards of all of us could be what creates the calm beyond the storm.

If you’re feeling devastated or uncertain, isolated or afraid, and you want to learn how to let faith, love, and hope guide you to connection and the next right step, don’t miss this reassuring episode of The Gathering Room.

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