一封告別愛人的信 by 匿名姑娘

原文链接 https://mp.weixin.qq.com/s/jW9Ui6N9IVm68LWqHazJfA

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亲爱的: 

Dear

你好哇，见字如晤: 

Hiya, hope my words find you well.

首先请你原谅我突兀而又亲呢的称呼。 

First, please forgive my sudden and intimate manner of addressing you.

现在是凌晨2点，我坐在石鼓路街边的长椅上，百无聊赖，吞下最后一口没了泡儿的橘子汽水。天气有点儿凉，玩具店的橱窗里的发条姑娘依旧在旋转，暗黄的暖光打在她的裙子上，锆石折射出的彩光那么耀眼美好，但空调外机发出的噪音盖过了歌声，间或又夹杂着这座城市中不眠者的笑声。夜晚似乎也没那么宁静，就像我的心一样。我埋头编辑这封不知如何传达的信。此时你睡着了吗？是否似一只安详的猫，蜷着身子，暂时忘记了日间的乏倦。 

It's 2 o'clock in the morning. I am sitting on the bench at Shigu road. Extremely bored as I am, I swallow the last sip of the orange juice. Not fizzy anymore. It's a bit nippy out here. The wind-up girl toy in the closet of the toy store is still spinning. Dimmed yellow light is reflected on her diamond dress, sparking an iridescent glitter. Yet the noise from the AC external unit drowns out the music, mixed with waves of laughter from the sleepless souls in this city. The night doesn't appear that quite, like my heart. As for me, I immersed myself in editing this letter I don't know how to send. Are you asleep at this moment? Are you curling into a ball like a peaceful cat, forgetting your daytime tiredness for now?

晚饭结束后，你领着我沿着海岸慢慢地走，还笑着打趣，提醒我记得脱掉鞋袜，赤脚走在沙子上，这样可以更好的融入这片海。我笑而不语，但依旧照办。你问我对于未来有什么打算，我把手插进裤兜儿，直言时候未到，是啊，时候未到。但我们真的还有好多年吗？ 

After dinner, you took me to the seashore. Walking slowly, you jokingly reminded me to lose my shoes and socks, and walk barefooted so that we could be a part of the ocean. I said nothing but smiled and followed suit. You asked me where I see myself in the next few years. Hands in my pocket, I said bluntly that it was not the time. Yes, not the time. But do we really have many years to come before us?

我想给你讲个故事，但它太长了，有一千零一夜那么长，不吃不喝，讲个三天三夜都未必会有结果；所以我想我可以长话短说，我喜欢你，从始至今。我一直记得我在校舍楼下见到你的第一眼，五月的阳光穿过树叶间碎碎的间隙照到你的头发上，星星点点，你眉眼弯弯，走向我，周遭的喧闹似乎都在那一刻静止。我手足无措，脑海里映出十个字---与君初相识，犹如故人归。我甚至忘记里基本礼仪，只顾着脸红，连一个礼貌的招呼都没有打，全然忘记我们上一秒还只是网聊多日的好友。你自然的牵起了我的手，掌心传递上来的柔软与温暖，刺激着我的中枢神经，我恍惚间从你的眸子里看到了遥远的未来，温暖的深蓝，还有那高亢嘹亮的鲸歌。 

I want to tell you a story. But it's too long. As long as One Thousand and One Nights. I won't get to the end of it even if I tell it for three days and nights straight with no food or drinks. So, long story short is my plan. I've liked you since the very beginning to this day. I'd always remember the first time I laid my eyes on you down at the dorm. Beams of May's sunshine shoot through leaves' gaps, leaving scattered sparks on your hair. You with your curling eyebrows were walking towards me. The surroundings came to a sudden halt. I didn't know where to put my hands or my feet. Only this sentence dawned upon me: the first encounter with you is a reunion with an old lover. With two burning cheeks, I forgot the basic manners, not even saying hi to you. I totally forgot that we'd been talking online for days. You held my hands naturally. The softness and warmth from the touch of your palm sent stimuli rushing to my central nerves. Suddenly, from your eyes, I saw a distant future. A future where I could see the warm depth of blue and hear the resounding songs by the whales in the sea.

但这只是我幻想的版本，符合描述者对初恋的所有向往。但事实却是，我想你了，我来到你的城市，到了之后轻描淡写的打电话告诉你，我去找朋友，顺道儿来瞅你一眼，你得请我吃沙茶面。电话那边，你先是一顿，随即轻笑出声，连声道好，但得等你做完比赛。也不知道你有没有隔着无形的电话感受到我那极力压制的颤抖的声线和红透了的脸颊与耳根。 

But this is what I'd disillusioned. It fits everything I long for from my first love. But the fact is that I miss you. I came to your city. I called you, saying lightly I came here to visit another friend and since you were here, I wanted to see you as well. I requested a treat of Shacha noodles from you. From the other end of the phone, you paused, then let out a soft laugh and many yeses. But not until you finished with your contest. Through the virtual telephone connection, I don't even know whether or not you could sense my trembling voice and my blushing cheeks and earlobes which I tried my very best to keep under control.

挂了电话后，我百无聊赖，游荡于学村之中，这个地方那么大，又那么小。大到我害怕无法在人群中一眼看到你，小到你一眼望到胆怯又没准备好捧哏逗唱的说辞的我。一颗心如同坐了滑翔机从高空突然俯冲而下，惊觉世界真小，还有几个小时，我就能见到你了。 

After hanging up, I had nothing to do but wander through this village. This place is so big and so small. So big that I feared that I could spot you in the crowd. So small that I feared that you could see the shy me who was nowhere ready to retort your jokes. My heart was swooshing down like a glider, wondering what a small world it was. Within a few hours, I could see the real you.

我的心像琴弦一样绷得紧紧的，你一出现，它就不住地奏鸣。那些操练了无数次的说辞和自认为完美的微笑也抛之脑后，我太紧张了，我猜我表现的一定很蠢。不过谢谢你，你的确如我想的那般温柔。没有客套的寒暄，没有牵手，我们穿过一条条街巷，听你讲过去的故事，你的初恋，那个一辈子住在你心里的女孩儿。你是看见我眼里的光了吗？或是其他，我不知道，但我真的很难过，胃里酸酸的，我慌乱的抓住裙角，想要逃离，路边的树枝摇曳，我的心底下了无数场雨。 

也许，是时候说再见啦。 

My heart was tense like strings on a guitar. Upon your appearance, it couldn't help playing its music. As for the words rehearsed so many times and my self-claimed perfect smile, I put all of them behind me. I was such a nerve rack. I guess I must've looked so stupid. But I still want to say thank you. You were as gentle as I expected. No formalities of chitchats. No hand-holding. We meandered through alleys after alleys. I listened to your past stories, your first love, the girl who lives in your heart forever. Did you see the lights in my eyes? Or something else? I don't know. But I was really sad. My stomach churned. I held a tight grip on the sides of my dress, wanting to flee. On the roadside, branches of trees were dancing while it was raining heavily in my heart. Maybe, it was time to say goodbye.

时间过得真快啊，以后也唯有默默在朋友圈看到你的成长了，偷偷从好友那里隔三差五尽量不着痕迹的打探着关于你的零星消息。想想也惘然：我们都在这个凡世共同度过二十余年的时光，呼吸间充斥着尘土的腥气，头顶是同一个残月、满月、又残月，也许从未看过同一朵云，但一定看过同一片天。最后不同的是，在这个悲伤的故事最后，你像水中鱼，跃进更广阔的天地；我像笼中鸟，困在这狭窄的钢铁丛林。天时，地利，人和，一样都没有占到。也许命运注定让我默默爱慕、仰慕、羡慕着你。 

How time flies. I guess in the future, I can only quietly follow how you've grown from your Wechat moments. I occasionally and secretly asked for your news from my friends, trying my best to hide my intention. After some thought, it was nothing but a resigned disappointment: we've lived in this ordinary world together for more than 20 years. Stinks of dirt fill our breathing air; waning moon, full moon and waning moon again hover above our heads; we may not have seen the same cloud, but definitely have seen the same sky.

你不爱我，我也不愿你俯身相就。 

You don't love me. I don't want you to settle for me, either.

我对你的心灵来说，无论是相隔无数的山川峡谷，还是在我们的目光只有一线之隔，其实，都是同样的遥远。 

Me to your heart and soul, no matter they are mountains and rivers away or our eyes are just one line away. They are equally far away from each other.

窃用很俗的一句话：你是我一生中最爱的人，但是你却从来不知道我是谁，爱你与你无关。就像Rick and Morty中说的那样，也许平行宇宙中有无数个你我，虽然我无法进行时空穿梭，但我依旧虔诚，也许在瑞城，我们能有一个美好的结局。 

A cliche I'll borrow here: you're the love of my life, but you never know who I am. Loving you has nothing to do with you. Like in Rick and Morty, there are innumerable versions of me and you in parallel universes. Though I can't travel through times or space, I'd keep praying that in Ruicheng, we'd have a perfect ending.

我要回去了，抱歉我无法赴约明早的早餐，也不想跟你好好的告别。我永远有说不完的舍不得，永远都想再多留一会，再多留一会。可是留不住。留不住的话，就祝你阳光明媚，前程万里吧。想和你一起做的事情，我一个人也可以好好做。最好的告别，是向前看，开始新生活。我不会哭，也希望你不会忘了我，我会去旅行，看日出日落，看海东青划过天边，看康巴篝火盛宴，再见了，我曾深爱的男孩，再也不见了，我的男孩。 

I'm going back. I'm sorry I can't keep the promise of going to breakfast tomorrow with you. I don't want to say goodbye to you. There's no way to count how many attachments I have and for ever, I'd always want to keep them longer, keep them more. But they're not meant to be kept. If so, allow me to wish you a sunny path ahead. Things I want to do with you, I can do them well by myself. The best goodbye is to look forward and start a new life. I won't cry and I hope you'll never forget me. I'll go traveling, see how the sun rises and sets, see Gyrfalcon fly across the sky, see the banquet around a bonfire in Khampa. So long for now, the boy I deeply loved. So long for never, the boy of mine.

回见 

@匿名 

Best,

@Anonymous.