Why shared values matter more than size when building real community

Some freaks build massive platforms.

Stages.

Email lists.

Follower counts.

And then there are the freaks who build quietly — curating small circles rooted in shared values, deep trust, and sustainable connection.

In this episode of Find Your Freaks, Tonya Kubo sits down with business strategist and operations expert Gwen Bortner to explore what community looks like when you opt out of hype, funnels, and “bigger is better” messaging — and choose intentional depth instead.

Gwen has spent over four decades building businesses, forming networks, and supporting women entrepreneurs. And while she doesn’t run a massive membership or chase viral growth, she has cultivated something many people secretly crave: meaningful, values-driven connection that sustains itself.

Together, Tonya and Gwen unpack what makes a community truly work, why shared values matter more than shared industries, and how defining success on your own terms changes everything.

If you’ve ever felt pressure to scale bigger when what you really want is deeper — this conversation offers a grounded, confident alternative.

[04:15] Why being “smart” doesn’t mean being smart at everything

[11:30] How shared values create stronger connection than shared revenue levels

[18:40] Why curated small groups bond faster than large memberships

[24:10] The confidence required to build “small on purpose”

[31:55] Why sustainable success matters more than being the best

[39:20] What happens when communities connect independently of the leader

[46:05] How to ask better questions than “What do you do?”

[52:30] One simple shift to help you find your people offline

Gwen challenges the assumption that community must be massive to matter.

Her approach is simple but powerful: curate small groups around shared values — not shared industries, revenue levels, or status.

In her quarterly planning retreats, women from wildly different business models and financial stages gather. What binds them isn’t similarity in structure — it’s alignment in values. Creativity. Kindness. Integrity. A desire to leave the world better than they found it.

The result? A community that sustains itself — even outside the container Gwen creates.

Private chats flourish. Partnerships form. Support extends beyond the structured event.

Not because it’s engineered.

Because it’s aligned.

One of the most liberating themes in this episode is Gwen’s clarity around success.

She doesn’t chase being the biggest.

She doesn’t need to be the best.

She doesn’t measure her worth by follower counts.

Instead, she focuses on being consistently good — and building a business she can sustain without burnout.

In a world obsessed with scaling up, Gwen reminds us that confidence comes from knowing your own definition of success — and refusing to borrow someone else’s metrics.

Perhaps the most practical takeaway from this conversation is this:

If you want to find your people, stop asking what they do.

Ask what they love about what they do.

That one question reveals values. And values are the fastest way to determine alignment.

Community doesn’t form around résumés.

It forms around meaning.

Gwen Bortner is a business strategist, operations expert, and trusted advisor with more than 40 years of experience across multiple industries. She helps women entrepreneurs define what they truly want and build sustainable businesses that reflect it — without chasing trends or sacrificing themselves in the process.

You can learn more at EverydayEffectiveness.com and listen to her co-hosted podcast, The Business You Really Want.

Tonya Kubo is a community strategist and marketing consultant known for building digital spaces that feel like chosen family. As host of Find Your Freaks, she brings together unconventional thinkers who know “normal” was never the point — and who believe that belonging is built through honesty and human connection.

1. “Shared values matter more than shared industries.” — Gwen Bortner
2. “You don’t have to be the best to be consistently good.” — Gwen Bortner
3. “If it isn’t sustainable, it isn’t success.” — Gwen Bortner
4. “Confidence builds on itself.” — Gwen Bortner
5. “Ask people what they love about what they do — that’s where the real connection starts.” — Gwen Bortner

1. Everyday Effectiveness
2. The Business You Really Want Podcast
3. Never Split the Difference by Chris Voss

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Find Your Freaks merchandise is available through Abilities and Attitudes.

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Small circles matter. But what makes them sustainable? In the next episode, Tonya explores the hidden structural flaw inside most communities, why designing everything around the leader creates fragility, and what it takes to build belonging that can thrive long after one person steps back.