Tammy is a single-mother-by-choice who used both an egg and a sperm donor to conceive her son. She went to Panama for donor egg IVF with sperm she had shipped from California Cryobank. We discuss the decision to leave the U.S. to have her fertility treatments and IVF (In vitro fertilization) process. She became pregnant on her second try and came back to the U.S. to deliver her child.

The pregnancy was difficult for Tammy, she had gestational diabetes, hypertension, and preeclampsia. As a result, her son was six weeks early. The premature birth completely wrecked her home return plans. Tammy does express gratitude to the NICU for preparing her role as a mother. She also celebrates postpartum doulas and why she found hers indispensable.

Tammy is very open about how motherhood has changed her, including her decision to leave the U.S. and make some lifestyle changes for herself and her son. That opens the door to the conversations about the benefits of being a solo mother and how this path has a lot fewer complications than coupled parents. We both agree that the single-mother-by-choice-path needs to be more accepted as a plan A, not just a plan B. Don’t get hung up on the definition of family, the concept is changing and that’s a wonderful thing!

Some highlights of today’s conversation:

Resources

California Cryobank

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Motherhood Reimagined Website

Motherhood Reimagined SMC Community

Motherhood Reimagined: When Becoming a Mother Doesn’t Go As Planned: A Memoir by Sarah Kowalski

Sarah’s email

Thank you for joining me for another inspirational episode of Motherhood Reimagined. If you would like to work with me, please contact me through my email or the Motherhood Reimagined website. Please take the time to subscribe to the podcast and help the Motherhood Reimagined community grow. Also, if you are wanting some guidance on this unconventional path, consider joining my Motherhood Reimagined SMC Community. You can also read my memoir for more insight. We can also be found on social media on Twitter, Pinterest, Instagram, and Facebook.

Also, if you are wanting some guidance on this unconventional path, consider joining my Motherhood Reimagined SMC Community.

Inside my community, you get regular live guest expert interviews, community meetups, Ask Me Anything Calls, all my courses and of course connection to other single women at different stages of their SMC journey. 

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Quotes

"Now I look back and I think about it, I always had this fantasy of marriage and a partnership, but I always really knew that I wanted the kid. Like the partner never had a clear definition... I don't if I can explain this... the partner was anamorphic, it wasn't clearly defined but the kid was. I needed that kid." -- Tammy

"You just don't care, you wanted to be a mom, it's kinda like I adopted the baby I got to carry. Or I got to carry the baby I adopted." -- Tammy

"What I found to be a challenge was you don't necessarily know what you need. For me it's kinda been a bandwidth issue, you're sitting there and you've got this needy kid in front of you and you're taking care of that... the ability actually to step back from what you're doing to define what you need to clearly articulate that to people, I found that to be a complete challenge, even today." -- Tammy