Motherhood Reimagined Podcast

In this bonus episode, I share an interview I conducted inside my Membership Community with Trusts and Estates Attorney, Kathleen Hunt, Unique Law. 

We cover the key parts of an estate plan that every single mother by choice should have including, 

This is an example of interviews from inside my SMC membership community. Please consider joining to get regular guest expert interviews, a community of fellow SMC's, my most popular courses and SMC roundtable discussions. Learn more here.https://motherhoodreimagined.com/single-mom-by-choice-community-forum/

Welcome to the last episode of season one of Motherhood Reimagined. To mark the end of this season I have invited a return guest to the show. Sige was my guest for the second episode of the first season. During that interview, Sige was pregnant with her son and told us she would come back to tell us how she felt about the single-mother-by-choice path.

It has been thirteen months since our last conversation and she is very honest and raw about the first year with her child. She shares her struggle with me and reflects on how her feelings have changed since our first episode together. Sige has an unusual living arrangement that she recommends to other single parents. We also discuss dating and how parenthood changes your expectations of a partner.

I was really glad to have Sige back on the show and I feel her point-of-view is important for anyone curious about the single-mother-by-choice option.

Some highlights of today’s conversation:

Resources

Sign up to be a podcast guest

Motherhood Reimagined Website

Motherhood Reimagined Tribe

Motherhood Reimagined: When Becoming a Mother Doesn’t Go As Planned: A Memoir by Sarah Kowalski

Sarah’s email

Thank you for joining me for the end of season one. In a few weeks, I will begin a second season. Please feel free to share your feedback with me and take a look at my other content.

If you would like to work with me, please contact me through my email or the Motherhood Reimagined website.

Please take the time to subscribe to the podcast and help the Motherhood Reimagined community grow. Also, if you are wanting some guidance on this unconventional path, consider joining my Motherhood Reimagined Tribe. You can also read my memoir for more insight. We can also be found on social media on Twitter, Pinterest, Instagram, and Facebook.

Also, if you are wanting some guidance on this unconventional path, consider joining my Motherhood Reimagined Tribe.  I have several small groups tailored to each stage of the journey.

As a Signature Level Tribe Members you get video calls with a small group of other mothers who are at the same stage of their journey.

The Solo and Pregnant was recently launched and we are getting started with group calls very soon. If you sign up now, you’ll get private support from me until we launch the group calls—a huge bonus.

Also, I am extending my premium pricing on the Thinkers and Triers group until June 1st, 2019. Then the price goes up to $67.

If you are interested in moving abroad but want some support, send me an email to get on the waiting list for this group.

For all my Tribe Level groups, use coupon codes, Foundermothly (for a monthly subscription) and founder6 (for a 6-month subscription) to lock in the $59 a month price. I look forward to meeting you!

Quotes

"I am really glad to be a parent. When I think about if I had made a different choice and decided not to go through with this and I were not potentially still single and not a parent, I can see that I would be missing out on this whole new world." -- Sige

"I wasn't sure if it was okay for me to be struggling because I chose to do this by myself, it's hard to know what is actually happening and what is just a projection." -- Sige

"I noticed that because I was so exhausted that my confidence and mental health was really compromised and things that I thought would be really intuitive about parenting actually just weren't." -- Sige

My guest today is slightly different than the others. Katerina decided to be a single-mother-by-choice at the age of 23. Katerina tells me why the single-mother path was her first option and why she found it empowering.

Katerina conceived her son via a sperm donor. She tells me about the donor selection process and the things she had to consider to make her plans reality. We discuss her support system and the early years with her son. Including the loneliness that comes with motherhood.

She is now married with a second child and living in Mexico with her family. We explore how she and her family wound up in Mexico and how it has changed their lives for the better. Katerina is also very candid about the adjustment of going from single parenting to a partnered relationship. She shares what it was like to date with a child and how it gave her a more grounded experience during the process.

Katherina also runs a company called the Non-Toxic Unicorn. She tells me about her passion to help others make healthier choices for themselves and their families. So if you are looking for natural alternatives in your daily life, check out the Non-Toxic Unicorn.

Today’s episode is a wonderful reminder that single motherhood is a legitimate path.  It was so nice to hear that this path to motherhood is so much more than a “last resort.”

Some highlights of today’s conversation:

Resources

The Non-Toxic Unicorn

Sign up to be a podcast guest

Motherhood Reimagined Website

Motherhood Reimagined SMC Community

Motherhood Reimagined: When Becoming a Mother Doesn’t Go As Planned: A Memoir by Sarah Kowalski

Sarah’s email

Thank you for joining me for another inspirational episode of Motherhood Reimagined. If you would like to work with me, please contact me through my email or the Motherhood Reimagined website.

Please take the time to subscribe to the podcast and help the Motherhood Reimagined community grow. Also, if you are wanting some guidance on this unconventional path, consider joining my Motherhood Reimagined Tribe. You can also read my memoir for more insight. We can also be found on social media on Twitter, Pinterest, Instagram, and Facebook.

Also, if you are wanting some guidance on this unconventional path, consider joining my Motherhood Reimagined SMC Community. I have several small groups tailored to each stage of the journey.

The Solo and Pregnant was recently launched and we are getting started with group calls very soon. If you sign up now, you’ll get private support from me until we launch the group calls—a huge bonus.

Quotes

"I feel like your kids have to choose them [partners] as well. Because they're not just dating you, they are coming into an already set family." -- Katerina

"I think knowing what you don't want in a relationship and knowing what you don't want for your life is really essential to figuring out what you do want and the person you want to be." -- Katerina

"Whether you choose an alternative method or you are in a marriage, or it's a one-night-stand, no matter how you go about being a mother there is always an 'oh, my god! I'm going to be a mom!" moment." -- Katerina

In today’s episode, we’ll be doing something a little bit different from the usual format. I’m interviewing my two friends, Jackie and Abby, who also live here in Mexico. We’ve received questions about how we ended up here and why, so we wanted to talk about how we met, why we moved here, and what’s different about living in Mexico versus living in the states.

Jackie, Abby, and I met in a single-moms-by-choice travel group online in a thread discussing the idea of moving abroad to save money. In today’s episodes, we talk about what our lives were like before moving to Mexico. Abby describes being frequently stressed and rushed, with little time for a social life. Though she had a strong support system, childcare was very expensive. Jackie also talks about how her long commute ate into her day and how childcare was more expensive than she’d originally counted on, due to her son’s heart condition. She took a pay cut in order to work remotely from home, but still couldn’t find much time to go out due to the expense of childcare.

In Mexico, their lives are very different. Abby describes having around seven and a half hours to herself while her children are in school. She has time to train as a pediatric sleep consultant, with an eye to opening her own remote business, while also taking a Spanish course, volunteering at a midwifery clinic, and working part-time. And she still also finds time to do yoga, exercise, and have coffee or lunch with friends. Jackie says that her job keeps her busy during the week, but she enjoys the beautiful views and delicious foods available in Mexico. She describes how much more affordable life is in Mexico – she can afford to have a standing babysitter, go for a massage or pedicure, and generally enjoy a more balanced life with more social activity than she was able to have in the states.

Abby, Jackie, and I also talk about the differences between healthcare cost and access in Mexico as opposed to what they were accustomed to in the US. Jackie and Abby talk about when they first started thinking about moving abroad and what the process was like for them. We discuss how satisfied we are with our lives in Mexico, as well as some of the harder things about making such a big move and adjusting to life in a new country, and Abby and Jackie share some tips that they’d give to others thinking about moving abroad with kids, as well as discuss when the best time is to make a big move when you have children.

Some highlights of today’s conversation:

Resources

Donor Conception Network

Sign up to be a podcast guest

Motherhood Reimagined Website

Motherhood Reimagined SMC Community

Motherhood Reimagined: When Becoming a Mother Doesn’t Go As Planned: A Memoir by Sarah Kowalski

Sarah’s email

Thank you for joining me for another inspirational episode of Motherhood Reimagined. If you would like to work with me, please contact me through my email or the Motherhood Reimagined website. Please take the time to subscribe to the podcast and help the Motherhood Reimagined community grow. You can also read my memoir for more insight. We can also be found on social media on Twitter, Pinterest, Instagram, and Facebook.

Also, if you are wanting some guidance on this unconventional path, consider joining my Motherhood Reimagined SMC Community.

Inside my community, you get regular live guest expert interviews, community meetups, Ask Me Anything Calls, all my courses and of course connection to other single women at different stages of their SMC journey. 

If you want a more private interaction with me, then consider indvidual coaching. You get up to 2 calls per month with me, voicemail and text access as well as access to all my content and done for your research.  

Quotes:

"Life feels way less stressful now, and more social.” –Abby

“I’m more social during the week without kids also, because people have time for you here. People have time to go to lunch, they’re not rushed.” –Jackie

“You definitely can’t listen to people who aren’t on the ground living there, who’ve never even been to Mexico. What do they know?” –Jackie

My guest today is Brenda, a single-mom-by-choice who had a difficult 4-year journey to motherhood and has made it her mission to help women feel empowered about their reproduction options. She shares her shock at the realization that her OBGYN never mentioned the finite window of fertility. Brenda believes that it is an important conversation to have and encourages women to be proactive in the conversation.

Brenda tried IUI (Intrauterine insemination) with no results and ultimately decided to switch to donor egg IVF (In vitro fertilization). Using both a sperm and an egg donor, was difficult and quite mentally taxing decision. We discuss how she conquered her bias toward the double donor path and why she considers it one of the greatest gifts anyone has given her.

Sadly, Brenda’s first two pregnancies with donor eggs ended in miscarriage. It was discovered that she had a problem with her immune system that had to be medically treated through shots and a doctor’s watchful eye. She tells me about these painful moments and explains why she kept pressing on to her goal, even when it seemed everything was against her.

Brenda says that one of the things that got her through the grueling process was a support group who became a second family for her. She explains how their ups and downs helped put her own struggles in perspective and kept her on the path.

Brenda’s story is very similar to my own and I feel a deep connection to her thoughts and feelings. If you are considering the single-mother-by-choice path just remember that education is key to preparing yourself for the journey. That’s why Motherhood Reimagined was created and I want to help you make informed decisions about having your own family.

Some highlights of today’s conversation:

Resources

Donor Conception Network

Sign up to be a podcast guest

Motherhood Reimagined Website

Motherhood Reimagined SMC Community

Motherhood Reimagined: When Becoming a Mother Doesn’t Go As Planned: A Memoir by Sarah Kowalski

Sarah’s email

Thank you for joining me for another inspirational episode of Motherhood Reimagined. If you would like to work with me, please contact me through my email or the Motherhood Reimagined website. Please take the time to subscribe to the podcast and help the Motherhood Reimagined SMC community grow. You can also read my memoir for more insight. We can also be found on social media on Twitter, Pinterest, Instagram, and Facebook.

Also, if you are wanting some guidance on this unconventional path, consider joining my Motherhood Reimagined SMC Community.

Inside my community, you get regular live guest expert interviews, community meetups, Ask Me Anything Calls, all my courses and of course connection to other single women at different stages of their SMC journey. 

If you want a more private interaction with me, then consider indvidual coaching. You get up to 2 calls per month with me, voicemail and text access as well as access to all my content and done for your research.   

Quotes

"Thanks so much for reaching out and telling me how much you enjoy the show. It really helps me keep going and stay motivated and also know what you guys like and what's working for you. So every time you tell a friend or write a post to me, or post a review, it helps me so much and keeps me so motivated and I appreciate it." -- Sarah

"Just as I thought that I would never ever, ever become a single mom, I never ever, ever thought that I would try to have a child with an egg donor. It was hard enough to swallow the sperm donor part but quickly I had to make a decision." -- Brenda

"I had joined a group of other women who were also embarking on this same journey and within that group, I met a smaller group of women and we literally became like a little family." -- Brenda

"Understand where you are with your fertility that's all you need to do. Just know, so you have the knowledge and then you can make decisions." -- Brenda

Vivian began her path to motherhood with a plan to conceive a child with a close friend. Sadly, she miscarried and a new plan was in order. She chose a sperm donor and moved forward on her journey. We discuss the difficulty of changing “the plan” and what it taught Vivian about herself.

She has also made the decision to have a second child via a sperm donor. She explains why she felt now was the time and her hopes for a larger family. We explore the excitement of finding half-siblings and how it fleshes out the family experience for both the mother and child.

Vivian is very candid about her ideas of motherhood and how it has evolved over time. Specifically, she discusses the shame she felt during her dating years around admitting that she wanted a family. Unfortunately, this shame is very common with career women and Vivian is very honest about her reasons and mental hurdles she had to conquer to ultimately choose the single-mother-by-choice path.

Some highlights of today’s conversation:

Resources

Sign up to be a podcast guest

Motherhood Reimagined Website

Motherhood Reimagined SMC Community

Motherhood Reimagined: When Becoming a Mother Doesn’t Go As Planned: A Memoir by Sarah Kowalski

Sarah’s email

Thank you for joining me for another inspirational episode of Motherhood Reimagined. If you would like to work with me, please contact me through my email or the Motherhood Reimagined website. Please take the time to subscribe to the podcast and help the Motherhood Reimagined community grow. You can also read my memoir for more insight. We can also be found on social media on Twitter, Pinterest, Instagram, and Facebook.

Also, if you are wanting some guidance on this unconventional path, consider joining my Motherhood Reimagined SMC Community.

Inside my community, you get regular live guest expert interviews, community meetups, Ask Me Anything Calls, all my courses and of course connection to other single women at different stages of their SMC journey. 

If you want a more private interaction with me, then consider indvidual coaching. You get up to 2 calls per month with me, voicemail and text access as well as access to all my content and done for your research.  

Quotes

"I had this shame, like, I don't want to just sorta say outwardly that I just want to be a mom and a wife. I don't know why those seem to be embarrassing things to say out loud. So I had all this privacy and shame about it and these romantic notions, and I'm independent, I'm different." -- Vivian

"This whole journey has been about me being more open with people about what I feel and what I think and what I need and more connected to them and our relationship. It's a growth for me as a human as an adult." -- Vivian

"I was projecting all this stuff on to her [the baby] from the donor. Now, she's just perfect, not saying that if she were like him that wouldn't be perfect. She's no doubt is like him in some ways I don't even know yet." -- Vivian

Tammy is a single-mother-by-choice who used both an egg and a sperm donor to conceive her son. She went to Panama for donor egg IVF with sperm she had shipped from California Cryobank. We discuss the decision to leave the U.S. to have her fertility treatments and IVF (In vitro fertilization) process. She became pregnant on her second try and came back to the U.S. to deliver her child.

The pregnancy was difficult for Tammy, she had gestational diabetes, hypertension, and preeclampsia. As a result, her son was six weeks early. The premature birth completely wrecked her home return plans. Tammy does express gratitude to the NICU for preparing her role as a mother. She also celebrates postpartum doulas and why she found hers indispensable.

Tammy is very open about how motherhood has changed her, including her decision to leave the U.S. and make some lifestyle changes for herself and her son. That opens the door to the conversations about the benefits of being a solo mother and how this path has a lot fewer complications than coupled parents. We both agree that the single-mother-by-choice-path needs to be more accepted as a plan A, not just a plan B. Don’t get hung up on the definition of family, the concept is changing and that’s a wonderful thing!

Some highlights of today’s conversation:

Resources

California Cryobank

Sign up to be a podcast guest

Motherhood Reimagined Website

Motherhood Reimagined SMC Community

Motherhood Reimagined: When Becoming a Mother Doesn’t Go As Planned: A Memoir by Sarah Kowalski

Sarah’s email

Thank you for joining me for another inspirational episode of Motherhood Reimagined. If you would like to work with me, please contact me through my email or the Motherhood Reimagined website. Please take the time to subscribe to the podcast and help the Motherhood Reimagined community grow. Also, if you are wanting some guidance on this unconventional path, consider joining my Motherhood Reimagined SMC Community. You can also read my memoir for more insight. We can also be found on social media on Twitter, Pinterest, Instagram, and Facebook.

Also, if you are wanting some guidance on this unconventional path, consider joining my Motherhood Reimagined SMC Community.

Inside my community, you get regular live guest expert interviews, community meetups, Ask Me Anything Calls, all my courses and of course connection to other single women at different stages of their SMC journey. 

If you want a more private interaction with me, then consider indvidual coaching. You get up to 2 calls per month with me, voicemail and text access as well as access to all my content and done for your research.  

Quotes

"Now I look back and I think about it, I always had this fantasy of marriage and a partnership, but I always really knew that I wanted the kid. Like the partner never had a clear definition... I don't if I can explain this... the partner was anamorphic, it wasn't clearly defined but the kid was. I needed that kid." -- Tammy

"You just don't care, you wanted to be a mom, it's kinda like I adopted the baby I got to carry. Or I got to carry the baby I adopted." -- Tammy

"What I found to be a challenge was you don't necessarily know what you need. For me it's kinda been a bandwidth issue, you're sitting there and you've got this needy kid in front of you and you're taking care of that... the ability actually to step back from what you're doing to define what you need to clearly articulate that to people, I found that to be a complete challenge, even today." -- Tammy

Alex is a single-mother-by-choice who decided to take the adoption route to build her family. She tells me about how she educated herself on the process and how she conquered the emotional hurdles. As well as the stigma of being a single woman wanting to adopt.

Alex was in her 30s when she decided to pursue adoption. She spoke to agencies and dove into the research process to really find the option that best fit her.  She has some insight on what she found out about international adoption versus domestic and why she decided domestic was her best path. She also shares how she found an adoption attorney that not only looked out for her best interests but also the birth mother’s as well. She is very open about the process and really advocates for private adoption.

Alex’s adoption process is what is known as an “open adoption,” which means the child is aware of their biological family and has access to them. Alex is very honest about the initial fear of including the birth mother in their life but is happy to say now she welcomes the diversity of her family. We discuss the concept of a “family constellation” rather than a “family tree.”

Not many people are as open about the adoption process as Alex is, so I think today’s episode is very insightful and encouraging.

Some highlights of today’s conversation:

Resources

David Radis, Adoption Attorney

Sign up to be a podcast guest

Motherhood Reimagined Website

Motherhood Reimagined SMC Community

Motherhood Reimagined: When Becoming a Mother Doesn’t Go As Planned: A Memoir by Sarah Kowalski

Sarah’s email

Thank you for joining me for another inspirational episode of Motherhood Reimagined. If you would like to work with me, please contact me through my email or the Motherhood Reimagined website. Please take the time to subscribe to the podcast and help the Motherhood Reimagined community grow. You can also read my memoir for more insight. We can also be found on social media on Twitter, Pinterest, Instagram, and Facebook.

Also, if you are wanting some guidance on this unconventional path, consider joining my Motherhood Reimagined SMC Community.

Inside my community, you get regular live guest expert interviews, community meetups, Ask Me Anything Calls, all my courses and of course connection to other single women at different stages of their SMC journey. 

If you want a more private interaction with me, then consider indvidual coaching. You get up to 2 calls per month with me, voicemail and text access as well as access to all my content and done for your research.

Quotes

"Anybody who wants to love my daughter is welcome. I'm not going to draw a line and say, oh no, I don't want you to have a loving relationship with her because I'm the mom, you're not the mom." -- Alex

"In the beginning, while I was open and I was sending photos to her birth mom, I was more hesitant than I am now because I needed to find my way and my role as a mother." -- Alex

"I had the moment where I thought, I don't want to get married just to get married. I want to be married to someone I want to be with and if that person isn't here right now, then that person isn't here right now." -- Alex

Brooke is the solo mom of twin boys. She started her journey at the age of 40 and underwent an emotional path to motherhood. Brooke used both a sperm and an egg donor for her pregnancy. She tells me about her hesitation to use an egg donor but how she conquered those fears and pushed forward in her process.

Brooke was a highly creative child who spent her 20s and 30s traveling and focusing on her career. However, a glance at a forgotten online dating profile triggered her need to go ahead and begin the single-mother-by-choice journey. Her first experience was not positive and led her to change clinics. She found a wonderful egg donor with her new clinic but the procedure was botched and Brooke had to cope with the disappointment. She explores that disappointment and reflects on how she moved forward.

Finally, Brooke had a successful IVF (In vitro fertilization) procedure and conceived her sons. She tells me about telling her family and the decision to move back home to be close to her family. That move home turned out to be for the best because Brooke developed preeclampsia at her 6-month mark and delivered her children at 32 weeks. She credits her family with helping her deal with her illness and the newborns. You can visit Brooke’s blog to learn more about her journey.

Some highlights of today’s conversation:

Resources

Brooke’s Blog

The Family Book by Todd Parr

Sign up to be a podcast guest

Motherhood Reimagined Website

Motherhood Reimagined SMC community

Motherhood Reimagined: When Becoming a Mother Doesn’t Go As Planned: A Memoir by Sarah Kowalski

Donor Sibling Registry

Sarah’s email

Thank you for joining us for Motherhood Reimagined. You can contact us through the website or Twitter, Pinterest, Instagram, and Facebook. 

Also, if you are wanting some guidance on this unconventional path, consider joining my Motherhood Reimagined SMC Community.

Inside my community, you get regular live guest expert interviews, community meetups, Ask Me Anything Calls, all my courses and of course connection to other single women at different stages of their SMC journey. 

If you want a more private interaction with me, then consider indvidual coaching. You get up to 2 calls per month with me, voicemail and text access as well as access to all my content and done for your research.

Quotes

"I've heard more recently the word 'solo mom' and I feel like that almost more accurately describes this. I didn’t set out to be a single mom, most people don't, I don't think. It's just the circumstances." -- Brooke

"It's hard to be responsible for everything I guess in general but, I mean all the finances, it all weighs on single moms." -- Brooke

"Let people help you. Accept the help and ask for help. People want to help, just like you want to help. I want to help, when somebody needs something, I'm happy to help. Other people do too." -- Brooke

Joanna is a single-mother-by-choice who conceived two children, one with her own eggs and the other with a donor’s eggs. As an only child having more than one child was very important to Joanna. She tells me about the process of conceiving her first child, and the painful decision to reduce her pregnancy when genetic issues were discovered with one of her twins.

Joanna explains how she chose her sperm donor, whom you used for both pregnancies. Then she shared the much harder process of conceiving her second child with an egg and sperm donor. Although the pregnancy was more difficult, Joanna shares that parenting her second child was somewhat easier.

We discuss the differences between children and how the genetic connection plays into it. Joanna explains about what she enjoys about parenthood and what she dislikes, her answers are honest and inspiring to anyone considering an alternative path to motherhood.

If you have one child and are contemplating trying for a second, Joanna’s story will encourage you to weigh your options and make the right decisions for you.

Some highlights of today’s conversation:

Resources

Sign up to be a podcast guest

Motherhood Reimagined Website

Motherhood Reimagined SMC Community

Motherhood Reimagined: When Becoming a Mother Doesn’t Go As Planned: A Memoir by Sarah Kowalski

Sarah’s email

Thank you for joining us for Motherhood Reimagined. You can contact us through the website or Twitter, Pinterest, Instagram, and Facebook.

Also, if you are wanting some guidance on this unconventional path, consider joining my Motherhood Reimagined SMC Community.

Inside my community, you get regular live guest expert interviews, community meetups, Ask Me Anything Calls, all my courses and of course connection to other single women at different stages of their SMC journey. 

If you want a more private interaction with me, then consider indvidual coaching. You get up to 2 calls per month with me, voicemail and text access as well as access to all my content and done for your research.

Quotes

"There is a blessing about being able to do a lot of things before you have kids. You don't feel like you missed all of these things. Now all I do is kid stuff, I don't do grown-up stuff, but I did grown-up stuff for forty years." -- Joanna

"I was tired of the needles I think I had 3 sharps containers of needles at that point. I was on more shots than I had been when I got pregnant with my first son. I remember thinking, I just want someone to hand me a baby, and I do not care where it comes from." -- Joanna

"One of the things about having kids late is you tend to have a lot of friends who have also struggled with getting pregnant and I myself, two of my closest friends from high school had to do multiple rounds of IVF. So, for me, I couldn't muster up a lot of pity for myself." -- Joanna