This episode of the Viktor Wilt Show played out like a fever dream on AM radio where reality and hallucination traded seats behind the wheel every five minutes. Viktor kicked things off with his patented morning anxiety cure: watching AI-generated slop videos of crocodiles chewing on deer that don’t even flinch while a park ranger casually maces the gator orange, beats it with a stick, shoots it, tases it, and then proudly stands there like he just solved climate change. From there, he spiraled headfirst into the surreal world of black-market nonsense—expired Starbucks syrup auctions, rich dudes smuggling flavored nicotine pouches like it’s the Prohibition of Zyn, people slinging cemetery dirt from yellow-fever graves for voodoo potions, and even the grotesque tapeworm diet fad (don’t worry, Viktor reminds you to just drink water and maybe jog instead of swallowing parasites).

But then—plot twist—he casually drops a haunted Airbnb story: he and his lady stay in a converted barn in Bellingham, hear a ghostly woman’s voice at midnight, and even his daughter walks in declaring the place haunted on sight. No sooner does the barn ghost fade than Viktor ricochets into “weird flex” territory, roasting maniacs who brag about not listening to music for 15 years, refusing to use PTO, staying in toxic relationships out of “loyalty,” or proudly having six fingers. Then he really hits the chaos button: a fake Justin Bieber got paid to sing in Vegas, Arizona scorpions camouflage themselves like ninjas, a Florida mom literally stuffed a gun in her kid’s backpack, and some dude straight-up died from buying venomous spiders online while Victor’s own cat almost Dracula-clawed his jugular.

By mid-show, Viktor is ranting about Iowa literally paying people to get drunk for science, the FCC ruining his dreams of running for city council with their outdated equal-time rules, and podcasters like Theo Von being used as softballs for presidential candidates. He scorches every president from Clinton to Biden to Trump, demands younger leaders who can form coherent sentences, and daydreams about Abraham Lincoln podcasting with Theo Von. To keep listeners safe, he prescribes Skrillex dubstep as mosquito repellent, ridicules health myths like “the fan will kill you at night,” and then ends by dunking on Massachusetts for somehow beating Idaho in a “best states to live in” ranking, insisting the West is best—traffic and ghosts be damned.

The whole thing felt less like a radio show and more like a caffeinated séance with rants, freak news, phantom voices, and a dubstep anti-mosquito ritual thrown in for good measure.