Buckle up, folks, because this week’s episode of Traffic School was like pouring nitroglycerin on a feral raccoon and throwing it into a figure-eight race at the Madison County Fairgrounds. The chaos erupted from the get-go with Lieutenant Crain clenching a stack of figure-eight race tickets like they were the last rolls of toilet paper in a pandemic, ready to unleash the madness upon the unsuspecting public of Rexburg—Idaho’s unofficial capital of vehicular insanity.

Then Troublemaker called in, possibly mid-crime, and casually dropped a gem about putting his wife in the truck bed “depending on how dinner was,” and mentioned a mysterious ticket-baron named Todd who moonlights as a marriage counselor through passive-aggressive traffic sign commentary. But before anyone could issue a wellness check, Troublemaker screeched off because—plot twist—he was getting pulled over LIVE on-air. You can’t make this stuff up.

Enter Carl, a car show junkie whose math skills are as questionable as his speed limits. Carl’s philosophical question of the week: Is it more dangerous to drive like a tortoise or a caffeinated squirrel with road rage? Crane shared that Idaho troopers recently chased a 30 mph menace in a “low-speed pursuit” so slow it probably violated the Geneva Convention for boredom.

And then came Danny, casually reminiscing about strapping his wheelchair-bound mother into the back of his pickup like she was going paragliding at NASCAR. Four-point restraint, motorcycle ramps, and a wind-in-the-teeth attitude. The mental image alone deserves a Pulitzer.

We also got our weekly boulder-sized reminder from Craig about gravel trucks and windshield apocalypse. The answer? If a rock flies up from the road, that’s your tough luck. But if it falls off the truck? Someone’s paying, baby. Just hope you’re not filming while driving or they’ll throw you into Idaho Traffic Court Purgatory.

Then Jeff—a dump truck driver—jumped in to reclaim trucker honor and announce that his own windshield takes more damage from passenger cars than boulders from his rig. “If you can’t see my mirrors, I can’t see you,” he growled, possibly while chewing on a piece of rebar and singlehandedly building a highway.

But none of it, NONE OF IT, could prepare us for Ravonda. Oh, sweet reckless Ravonda. This absolute menace to sobriety asked—in real time—if drinking a beer while driving was illegal. Claimed she’s been doing it for years. YEARS. Ravonda is the chaotic energy Idaho didn’t ask for but absolutely deserves. The lieutenant, clearly having an out-of-body experience, reminded her that "not knowing the law" is not a valid defense, especially when you're sipping soup cans full of Jack and Coke. And just when you thought she couldn’t top herself? She threatened to run from the cops. Ma'am, this is a traffic show.

Adam and Craig called in afterward just to emotionally debrief and legally dissect whether Ravonda’s beer-fueled grandma in a wheelchair could legally sip suds in a pickup bed while strapped down like a rebellious lawn ornament.

This episode ended with a heartfelt retirement shout-out that somehow still managed to feel like it belonged in an alternate dimension fueled by bug-filled dentures, fake lawyers, sovereign citizen rants, and the haunting mental image of Ravonda skirting across Idaho with a soup can full of light beer and zero regard for open container laws.

Summary: Absolute chaos. Human absurdity. Legal mayhem. Rexburg is ground zero for vehicular weirdness, and this episode was a flaming tumbleweed of everything that makes small-town radio America’s last bastion of the truly unfiltered.

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Buckle up and swallow your last sip of sanity, because this episode of The Viktor Wilt Show careened off the rails, launched into the stratosphere, and belly-flopped into a volcano of generational rage, accidental alcoholism, and horror movies so gory they make your dreams bleed. We begin with Viktor's noble attempt to bridge the generational chasm between cranky boomers and TikTok teens—only to be hijacked by old man Facebook wisdom and a bizarre fixation on whether young men are "dropping out of society" into a life of NEET-based Discord monkhood. Then it spirals into the Great Energy Drink Crisis of 2025, where you might’ve accidentally slammed twelve cans of vodka while trying to wake up for a job interview. Oops.

As if that wasn't enough, we detour into the existential high school crisis multiverse where popularity is revealed to be a fleeting illusion, and Highland kids are retroactively dissed into oblivion. Then, it's time for a trip through the blood-splattered hallways of modern horror cinema, where Viktor violently debates whether Bring Her Back deserves more praise than Sinners while gasping with joy at a 4K restoration of Dead Alive—a movie with more blood than a Dracula family reunion.

From there we fall headfirst into Freak News™️: Coors Light Deodorant that needs to chill before use (because apparently you’re now refrigerating your armpits), a full-scale brawl at a Chuck E. Cheese that leaves 20 people injured and one poor child with a surprise knuckle sandwich, and a harrowing tale of Viktor’s near-death experience involving a dishwasher, a slippery floor, and the looming specter of being posthumously devoured by cats.

And just when you thought we couldn't go deeper into the madness, the East Idaho News segment drops—featuring Peaches towering like a friendly kaiju, a microphone mix-up that makes Viktor sound like Chris Elliott doing an impression of Paul Giamatti, and the crushing disappointment of all the best jokes getting left on the cutting room floor.

All of this, wrapped up in Viktor yelling “JUST SHAVE YOUR HEAD” to every bald-denying dude within radio range and ending the show with a PSA on how not to alarm law enforcement by transporting a mannequin corpse-style on the highway.

Pure chaos. Pure Wilt. An episode so unhinged, your brain might file a restraining order.

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This episode was like being mauled by a caffeinated raccoon while trying to deep-throat a hot spring. It kicked off with Viktor warning tourists that Yellowstone is not a foot spa, as some poor teen learned when he ignored the boardwalk and scorched his ankle straight into the acidic bowels of Earth’s crust, possibly earning himself Frankenstein-style dead-guy feet. Then we took a left turn into an impromptu lineup check for the In This Moment tour, which led Viktor to forget everything he's ever known while trying to decipher Ticketmaster’s cryptic gig listings. But nothing could prepare us for his tsunami-induced dad panic, where he tried to evacuate his daughter from a bowling alley in Bellingham because Russia’s tectonic plates had a tantrum. It was all very wet and mildly apocalyptic.

Viktor then got real existential, spiraling about calendars, PTO, and how his life is held together with sleep deprivation and duct tape. Reddit stories took a turn from hilarious to “oh no, we can’t talk about that on air,” including a mom mistaking bacon dog treats for heroin and a 10-year-old secretly planning a dog wedding. But the star of the show was Govinda Kumar, a two-year-old Indian toddler who bit a cobra to death like a venomous snack, passing out but surviving like a baby Ozzy Osbourne in a diaper. Metal.

There was a raccoon face attack, hot girls eating Arby’s (officially), a British thrill-seeker calling his Taliban tourism the "best trip of his life," and Viktor going full popcorn bucket economist over an $80 Galactus head. We got a passionate mini-rant about how Star Wars ripped off Dune, why you should go by whatever name you want (even if your parents cry about it), and how calling your girlfriend your wife is basically legal if you say it with confidence.

The episode then spiraled into health anxiety, tarantula mating season warnings, and a surprisingly intense huckleberry bust involving the Kootenai tribe and federal agents, complete with a berry-table evidence photo. Viktor closed out by praising the psychedelic mural takeover of Pocatello while throwing Idaho Falls under the beige bus for being aesthetically comatose. Honestly, it was less a radio show and more an unhinged fever dream fueled by Arby’s cheese sauce and intrusive thoughts. Legendary.

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Oh, buckle up, you flesh-and-blood meat satellites because this morning’s Viktor Wilt Show was a caffeinated fever dream wrapped in melted seatbelt buckles, sprinkled with organ-harvesting nightmares, and served in a warm bottle of Gatorade that's been sitting in a ‘97 Ford Explorer cupholder since the Bush administration. It all began with Viktor musing about the endless cascade of concerts storming Idaho like a denim tsunami—Dropkick Murphys, Weird Al, Chevelle, 311, Sleep Token, Australian Pink Floyd, Pantera, and the glorious resurrection of Vola from the sonic crypt. And who’s tagging along for this ride of bass drops and tinnitus? Ben from the Advocates, who's apparently allergic to weekday shows but might still be lured by the siren song of Pantera if it aligns with his adult responsibilities and snack schedule.

But let’s not pretend this was just a show about music. No, no, no. We spiraled face-first into rogue cougar attacks in British Columbia—Viktor encouraging you to punch mountain lions directly in the soul if they pounce. Naturally, this transitioned smoothly into a couple getting horny on live TV at a Major League Baseball game, because why not mix third base with literal third base? Oh, and don’t forget the Botox-in-a-backyard-shed fiasco that left a woman with a face like a Salvador Dalí clock—just another reminder that health and hygiene don’t belong next to someone's weed whacker.

From there, we tumbled into an unhinged nostalgic breakdown about how the ‘80s and ‘90s absolutely sucked, despite our selective memory making them feel like Nintendified heavens. Remember dial-up internet, CD roulette, metallic seatbelt branding irons, and hair ties that could concuss a toddler? Viktor remembers. And he’s not letting you romanticize that analog hellscape without a reminder that payphones and long-distance charges were basically extortion in khakis.

Things got dark—and by that, I mean Viktor talked about waking up during an organ harvesting procedure. Yes. That happened. He painted a vivid horror-movie tableau of waking up mid-harvest, already halfway to becoming a donor unwillingly. Somewhere between that and E. coli-filled lakes (don't swim in Idaho, ever), Viktor shared his dream about illegally downloading a fish-people love story pretending to be Ari Aster’s “Eddington,” and somehow this dream was less disturbing than his actual memories of falling asleep snoring in a movie theater like a chainsaw in a yoga class.

We got mental health transparency (respect), digressions into true crime (a Facebook honeypot revenge trap—YES), civil war surgery comparisons, and a woman in Florida driving a heavy loader through another woman’s house because of relationship rage (this is why therapy should be free and tractors should be harder to hotwire). Meanwhile, Jade refused to speak on-air after enduring an undisclosed “escalation event,” Peaches ghosted the studio entirely, and Viktor—god bless him—continued to beat himself up about show quality while simultaneously dropping better content than most 24-hour news networks.

Oh, and yes, he’s promising again that tomorrow’s show will be better, as if today’s wasn’t already a lava lamp of chaos and radio brilliance.

Conclusion: Today’s Viktor Wilt Show was the audio equivalent of mixing Monster Energy with bath salts, playing Red Dead Redemption 2, watching The Osbournes, snorting nostalgia, and then trying to swim in bacteria-ridden French water. If you didn’t come out the other side deeply entertained and slightly traumatized, you weren’t paying attention.

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Batten down the hatches and crank the volume to nuclear—this episode was a full-blown, bat-biting, amp-blasting hellstorm of tribute, tears, and tales from the depths of metal history. Viktor Wilt hijacked the airwaves in a feral celebration of the one and only Prince of Darkness, Ozzy Osbourne, who had just passed away, leaving a black hole in the heart of rock 'n roll. What started as a casual sprinkle of Sabbath turned into a full-on sonic baptism of riffs, rage, and reverence as Viktor spiraled into memory lane, recounting his first real concert—Ozzfest ’97—and the drumstick-grabbing, soul-shaking chaos that was his teenage metal awakening. The studio transformed into a sanctuary, pumping out deep cuts and lost gems while Viktor dumped every ounce of freak news, radio madness, and Ozzy-lore he could wring from the vaults: snorting ants, rabies shots, urinal pranks, and George W. Bush watching Ozzy obliterate wine and dignity at the White House. Peaches dropped in to co-host the insanity as the duo detonated one unbelievable anecdote after another, from psycho pyro pennies to cats dodging fried chicken threats. And through it all, beneath the guttural guitars and howls of hell, ran a genuine love letter to a man whose madness made the world just a little louder, weirder, and more alive. RIP Ozzy. This one was for you. 

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In a world where the internet forgot to update and the only breaking news was that nothing broke, Viktor Wilt dove headfirst into a digital wasteland and emerged with the most chaotic breakfast show imaginable. With political headlines too exhausting to care about and world events too soul-draining to touch, Viktor heroically pivoted to the only thing that still sparks joy: mac and cheese. Yes, Rexburg's own Mac Shaq and the mysterious Macburger food truck were put under the cheese-soaked spotlight in a lactose-fueled exposé that had Viktor reaching for Tums mid-sentence. Just when you thought it couldn't get more unhinged, Viktor was ambushed by a hiccup fit on live radio—because reality is a simulation with a sense of humor.

And then? It got worse. Or better, depending on your taste for cringe. A grown man strained his girlfriend’s mom’s soup through a colander to surgically remove ginger, sparking an ethics debate that quickly devolved into a “just eat the dang ginger” tirade. But don’t worry, that was just the appetizer. Ding Dong Ditch nearly led to vehicular manslaughter, a man stuffed pork belly down his pants and threatened to shoot grocery workers, a naked Florida man went full Grand Theft Auto IRL, and a teenage girl punched a 10-foot alligator in the face and won. All while Viktor begged the world for more sleep, less hiccups, and maybe, just maybe, an assistant to help him handle the 13 radio stations he somehow manages.

Throw in some Weird Al ticket giveaways, conspiracy-level nostalgia about rotary phones and Game Genies, a midlife beard crisis, and Peaches dealing cotton candy grapes out of a suspicious trench coat, and what you’ve got isn’t a radio show—it’s a fever dream broadcast live from the crumbling edge of reality. Welcome to the Victor Wilt Show. Buckle up, and keep your soup unstrained.

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Buckle your seatbelt—or don’t, but it’ll cost you $28.50 if you’re in a commercial vehicle—because this episode of Traffic School went straight off the rails and into the figure-eight racetrack of madness. Viktor kicked things off by roasting the name “Marvin,” clarifying commercial seatbelt fines, and then immediately derailing into a rant about budget deficits and how seatbelt tickets might be Idaho’s golden ticket to funding underground pedestrian tunnels. We got legal bumper talk—plastic vs. metal, 2x4s as DIY crash protection—and someone trying to classify their Ford Focus skeleton as street-legal. Listeners were in rare form, asking about front license plate exemptions, phantom girlfriends, and the legality of driving vehicles that look like they were built in Minecraft. The cherry on this chaotic sundae? Viktor’s bass-playing buddy Nick accidentally triggered a statewide manhunt because someone thought his mountain-man vibe matched a murder suspect’s. Choppers, feds, and Fox News all got involved before realizing they were chasing the wrong beard. Throw in truck nuts, train horns, DoorDash phone-touch paranoia, a deep dive into DOT port law, and a live lifeline call to a commercial vehicle code specialist, and you’ve got a broadcast that could only be described as bureaucratic anarchy on caffeine. 

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Buckle up, because this episode was a full-throttle descent into olfactory chaos, paranormal paranoia, and artificial intelligence-induced relationship meltdowns. It all kicked off with an innocent enough question: “What’s a weird smell you like but are afraid to admit?”—which quickly spiraled into tales of smoke-drenched wicker cowboys, cowboy-themed thrift horrors, and the olfactory insanity of hot tube amps and fresh tennis balls. Then came Caveman, a caller who casually confessed his love for the scent—and taste—of blood, followed by his nostalgic craving for chainsaw bar oil-bologna sandwiches. Just when you thought it couldn’t get grosser, the conversation took a detour through gas-huffing warnings, BO fetishes, fart sniffers, and the haunting power of new guitar strings. Then it got darker. Much darker. We’re talking Annabelle-the-demon-doll-burning-down-plantations-and-killing-tour-guides-in-Gettysburg dark. Mix that with America’s deadliest train (Brightline: one kill every 13 days), a guy trying to rob a Waffle House using finger guns, and 15,000 pounds of bird poop raining down on Lake Augusta like some apocalyptic poultry-based biblical plague, and you’ve got a stew of insanity. Oh, and let’s not forget Fred Durst was declared the sexiest festival voice in the UK. Yeah. That happened. Meanwhile, Peaches had a meltdown over 497 Cannonball-related emails, JD’s drowning in cats, and a guy’s letting ChatGPT run his entire love life into the ground. This episode had blood, chainsaws, haunted dolls, poop, AI psychosis, and a warning not to swim in any lake unless you're cool with marinating in avian excrement. Five stars. Total madness. Would sniff again. 

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Buckle up, because this episode of Traffic School powered by The Advocates was less a conversation and more a gasoline-soaked fever dream of mayhem, roundabouts, and unsolicited rattlesnake encounters. It opened with Viktor Wilt casually mentioning an impending warrant and a probation check-in, before launching into plans for a Salt Lake City dude’s trip with Jade and Josh—Josh being the designated “bond money babysitter,” because apparently this crew needs adult supervision to cross state lines. Meanwhile, Sergeant Crain tried to maintain some semblance of legal authority while recounting the time a Pathfinder full of teenagers went airborne off railroad tracks like a deleted scene from Fast & Furious: Eastern Idaho Drift.

Callers were unhinged and glorious. Scott demanded clarification on a mystical lane painted with a tornado, Natalie nearly got flattened by tractors on single-lane mountain roads, and John from Rexburg was aghast that his town’s nightlife revolved around Applebee’s and something called “The Pineapple,” which turned out to be a nonalcoholic soda shack. Bikers, burnout bros, truckers with digital middle fingers, and folks just trying to not explode their oil tankers all chimed in. Questions ranged from “Can I speed in the left lane?” (no, Instagram lied to you) to “Can I do burnouts in the street?” (only if you're upwind and in Rigby).

Oh, and somewhere between the chaos, someone asked about a mysterious red arrow law and was advised to just make their own sign. Because in Idaho, common sense is optional, but sarcasm is the real traffic control device.

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Strap in and prepare your digestive system, because this episode was certifiably unhinged. Viktor (yes, with a K, like some kind of Eastern European meat wizard) unleashed total food-fueled chaos on the airwaves. The man opened the floodgates by declaring war on anyone who dares say, "I don't like pizza." He practically demanded that such heretics call in and defend their anti-pizza lifestyle, offering up a hotline like it was a confessional booth for the tastebud-impaired. And from there? It spiraled.

Burgers, tacos, fries, chocolate—Viktor whipped up a buffet of irresistible, artery-clogging temptation. There was a passionate breakdown of why ketchup might be the most powerful food on Earth, and an intense side rant about people who eat "low-carb" burgers, aka "a sad little beef frisbee." But the real meat tsunami hit when JD called in and dropped the meat towel bombshell: bagels, slathered—no, smothered—in jalapeño cream cheese. Thick. Heavy. Borderline NSFW levels of dairy. Viktor and JD went full grease prophet, preaching the gospel of saturated fat with zero remorse. It was beautiful. It was horrifying. It was delicious.

Then things took a sharp turn into horror cinema, with Viktor screaming praise for Final Destination: Bloodline and Bring Her Back, and frothing at the mouth over Ari Aster’s upcoming freak-fest Eddington. He’s got the A24 pass, he’s ready to weep in a theater, and he might never emotionally recover. Meanwhile, his caffeine-fueled monologue wandered into conspiracy territory as he ranted about the Epstein client list vanishing into the abyss, uniting comment sections from both political extremes. That's right—hell hath frozen, and Reddit agrees on something.

As if that wasn’t enough chaos, Viktor went absolutely nuclear over Provo, Utah canceling a dance fitness class called Dirtylicious because it dared show—brace yourselves—knees. He called it Footloose 2: Mormon Boogaloo and went on a hilarious tirade about how anyone offended by sports bras is just pretending. It was peak Viktor: unfiltered, furious, and oddly supportive of women’s empowerment through sweaty Britney Spears choreography.

Finally, there was talk of chimpanzees starting fashion trends with butt-grass (yes, seriously), heroic dogs saving glacier-trapped humans, and a desperate Amazon Prime Day shopping spiral where Viktor considered buying a dehumidifier mid-show. Also, he lost the Pantera ticket giveaway sounder and had a mild on-air breakdown about it.

In summary: this episode had everything—meat towels, dance censorship, conspiracy rants, horror hype, and a grown man contemplating death-by-Reese’s. Absolute madness. 10/10. Would listen again while eating a Culver’s burger with reckless abandon.

(0:00) Foods that people are powerless to resist
(8:27) Final Destination Bloodlines, Bring Her Back
(14:48) Culvers offering a few discounts today
(19:47) Chimpanzee fashion trends, chihuahua saves man trapped in glacier, Prime Day deals
(26:33) Provo, Utah hates dancing
(35:01) There is no Epstein list?
(43:18) Jade wants me to smell his meat towel
(50:50) Smelling Jade's meat towel with Josh and Chantel from Classy 97

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