we’re on the precipice of the most dangerous weekend on the 2023 city of Austin calendar,  an event so rife with potential for mayhem, it’s worse than the Republic of Texas Motorcycle Rally, Clyde Littlefield Relays and the Austin Psych Fest combined. I am of course referring to Zilker Park’s annual orgy of ultra violence the AUSTIN KITE FEST, which aside from being BORING A.F. (I am told this stands for “as fuck”, but it could also mean “and feeble”) represents a unique challenge for our beleaguered police department who are somehow expected to maintain the peace on nearly  HALF BILLION DOLLARS A YEAR.  On this week’s show, we’ll be raising funds to affix a giant cannon (sound or munitions — whichever costs more) to a SWAT tank much like the one  above (albeit a more modern edition with leather seats). Since this program’s listeners mostly consist of wildly affluent people and not-nearly-as wealthy people who have an irrational hatred of kites, i fully expect we can close the gap between nearly half a billion dollars and a half billion dollars.