The Gerard Cosloy Radio Hour (That Feels Like Two Hours)

Dear Friends, 
I realize many of you are some combination of worried / outraged over the recent news Dr. CHUD has been nominated to head the US Dept. Of Health and Human Services. . Whether it's his questionable credentials (ie. not really a doctor) or highly controversial public statements (ranking The Misfits vocalists 1) Graves, 2) Steele, 3) Danzig) there is considerable public sentiment Dr. CHUD is The Wrongest Man For The Job. And with that in mind, I can hardly believe he was not tapped to head the department of Housing and Urban Development. I mean, he's throroughly unqualified for that, too, but "you cannot spell CHUD without HUD" would most likely have shut down any and all arguments. Anyhow, the next time we have a plague, this guy will be too busy giving drum clinics (which to be fair, are more like meet and greets with a smattering of clinic)

An alleged "fan" of this program (don't worry, I know they dont' exist) wrote last wednesday asking, "now that Peter Thiel and X Æ A-12's Dad are co-presidents, would you like a slice of humble pie with your Soylent Green?"  Well, the joke's on you buddy because I DO NOT PLAY CLASSIC ROCK on this show and Soylent (tm) comes in LOTS OF COLORS besides green.  That said, I share the outrage of my fellow centrists / not-so-innocent bystanders over the DNC's dubious decision to pay millions upon millions of dollars to the reunited Deadsy in exchange for performing at campaign events.  In retrospect, this was not a very good idea and not only are society's most vulnerable left to deal with the fallout, but I'm stuck with an entire warehouse of "Don't Blame Me, I Voted For Carlton Megalodon" bumper stickers (to be fair, even if Deadsy hadn't signed up for the gigs, these would've been a tough sell --- I understand they make automotive paint peel and there's not enough room on the sticker for a disclaimer).  What we're left with is of course, no laughing matter (much like the state of Deadsy's accounts before the recent windfall) and I hope this week's program reflects the gravity of the situation. 

I taped this week’s show on Monday night, presuming I’d be thoroughly distracted if I did so last night in the midst of election coverage. While I don’t expect a parade for this thoughtful decision (a small trophy will suffice), at this precise moment I have little to add that can make sense of the utterly senseless (I can’t even chime in in with “maybe Sebastian Bach should’ve made his endorsement sooner?” - perhaps he was extremely busy). That said, this morning, hey, this week, this month, feels like the wrong time for escapism and mere entertainment and if you need to limit your plays of this week’s wildly entertaining (and not timely in the slightest) radio show to 5 or 6 listens instead of your usual 15-20, I fully understand. Thank you.

 as we approach yet another edition of Austin's Levitation Festival --- each year answering the question "what if Altamont was held at multiple locations that weren't within walking distance?" --- i am somewhat sorry to say that I''ve been unable to properly prep a program that examines Levitation's most important aspect (ie. what everyone is wearing) because i know we're in the home stretch of the most important general election of our lifetimes.  While the rest of you are having a grand old time watching the Black Angels, I'll be at the back of the venue, handing out bumper stickers at the City Witches For Jill Stein booth. It's not that I'm actually supporting Jill Stein, but it turns out these bumper stickers can double as kinesio tape and we all know that shit's expensive.  Just my little part to help the economy, no need to thank me, having poor sightlines for the Black Angels is reward enough.

much as I hate to share any personal details on the program, I do think it is fair to warn listeners that I have begun a full scale remodel of TRHTFLTH’s studios and offices, a mission whose tasks will include but not be limited to foundation repair, new chandeliers (the previous ones were nearly 18 months old) and sandblasting some offensive graffiti from the side of my garage.  Though after watching a series of HOUSE VS. EXCAVATOR videos last night on YouTube (til about 7am) , I am not ruling out BULLDOZING THE ENTIRE PREMISES and allowing Dutch Bros. Coffee to erect a drive-thru franchise on the lot. While this would effectively render me with nowhere to sleep (or produce the show), the free coffee (+ pissing off my neighbors) is pretty compelling. That and the hundreds of thousands of dollars from Dutch Bros.  It’s all on the table. 

episode 229 comes to you on the precipice of Game 3 of the NLCS and I’m feeling pretty good about the New York Mets’ chances against the heavily favored Los Angeles Dodgers. I’ve got my lucky Mitchell & Ness throwback (“Manes” and “86” on the back) and sure you’ll agree my soothing presence in the monument to greed and avarice known as Citi Field will serve as a antidote to the foolishness of grown adults in purple monster costumes shilling for a fast food franchise. For those who could give 2 fucks about the above contest, fear not, as this week’s program features no sporting content whatsoever and is instead firmly focused on a subject of universal interest : at what point is it no longer ok for someone to dress up as Darryl Porter for halloween? OK, I guess that’s sports-adjacent but I would really like an honest answer for a change

while I couldn’t be happier with the musical selections for this week’s program, I am saddened, nay, personally devastated that not one of my alleged friends bothered to send me the clip of Fox LA weatherman Adam Krueger paying homage to Disturbed’s “Down With The Sickness” last February.   It’s bad enough that we don’t take climate change seriously in this country,  it also sucks that I have surrounded myself with jackals, serial-users and Punishers With A Capital P, none of whom took the time to forward something that is not merely relevant to my interests (ie.  weather and The Disturbed) but crucial . 

This week’s episode was recorded just a stone’s throw from East Village Radio’s 1st avenue storefront though I don’t understand why anyone would be throwing stones at the station’s HQ.  Surely it would be more efficient just to bang on the gate?  Despite a multitude of changes, this can still be a pretty tough neighborhood - for instance, I was scheduled yesterday to meet with Bobby Steele in order to launch a competitor to John Joseph’s “Fear City” walking tour and it turns out the person I’d been sending money to on CashApp is not actually Bobby Steele but rather someone operating out of a boiler room on the other side of the world.  Which I suppose is a good learning lesson for all of us (but especially me) — if you’re going head to head with the cadillac of walking tours, you’d better bring more to the table than the Yugo of walking tours  (particularly if it turns out the Yugo is really named Hugo and couldn’t tell A7 apart from A24).  

I don’t like to talk about this very often but when i was a young adolescent, the Unification Church tried (unsuccessfully) to recruit me.  I don’t know if it was a matter of my being an usually difficult personality to break down or perhaps it was just that the snacks at the Jews For Jesus meetings were so much better (who buys RC Cola and realistically expects to brainwash anyone) but either way, I did not end up selling flowers by the side of the road.  Which brings me to present day and a memo from East Village Radio mgmt requesting my presence in NYC next for a “team building exercise”.  I’ve got some experience here and the rhetoric sounds suspiciously like something that will have me selling flowers by the side of the road.  And that’s ok, I’ve never been a team player before and maybe it’s time I started.  If do happen to see me selling flowers by the side of the road, please keep in mind a) the flowers don’t sell themselves (if they did, they would be the smartest flowers of all time) and b) I CANNOT CUT YOU A DEAL. 

I don’t know if you’re aware of this, but apparently there are online tools —  artificial intelligence, if you will, that enable anyone to replace Perry Farrell in Jane’s Addiction with “The Shield”’s Michael Chiklis.  I know, you’re saying to yourself, “nothing’s shocking” but trust me on this, the results are positively chilling.  I realize we’re in an era of new singers being drafted in for touring purposes (strange no one has floated Chiklis as the new vocalist for The Smiths) but I don’t think any of us are fully ready for the vast implications.  Please try to enjoy this week’s program while the world continues to get exponentially worse with each passing second.