like many of you, I was confused, befuddled, even, when the Kennedy Centers Honors list was released earlier this month and BRAINBOMBS were included.  I mean, they’re Swedish.   OTOH, much of their subject matter would be right in line with the administration’s general worldview . As it turns out,  I, like many of you, had presumed these presentations were under the auspices of the John F. Kennedy Center For The Performing Arts, but in fact, this was for the OTHER Kennedy Center, ie. the one named for and curated by former MTV VJ-turned-Fox-News-fixture Kennedy.  So with that in mind, it’s not really much of an honor - it’s sort of like winning “Best New Jack Swing” in the Austin Music Awards.
 
 In the words of Charles K Wilson,  Lonnie Lee Simmons and Rudy Taylor, “first explosion turned out to be corrosion”.  I’ll try not to jump to conclusions next time. 

i hate to get personal on mornings it’s time to promote the radio show, but I received a rather devastating health diagnosis last week.  My doctor says if i do ONE MORE FAVOR for someone I barely know, I’m probably going to expire.   As it happens, I did just agree to do another favor and that’s writing the liner notes to the long-mooted SLAMBODIANS box set.  Trouble is, I did not read the fine print in my agreement with Light In The Car Sick Records and it seems I also have to personally assemble the box sets.  As you know, if there’s anything I am more allergic to than doing favors for people I barely know, it’s manual labor of any sort.  To make matters worse, my health care provider has an exemption clause that precludes any claims related to injuries suffered while assembling Slambodians box sets. There’s more details on this week’s show (too many, in fact)

the recent Sydney Sweeney / eugenics dog whistling campaign is not only deeply stupid, but sadly, brought to mind my ill-fated attempt several years ago to revive Sears Roebuck’s once-vaunted Toughskins brand. An expensive-to-produce television commercial featuring adolescents declaring “we’ve got really average to below average jeans” had to be scrapped following legal action from Kent, OH Oi revivalists who’d since claimed the Toughskins name. Though this was not the first or last time I’ve run afoul of someone adjacent to the Wheelchair Full Of Old Men media empire, it was probably the most costly. 

 My advice to the owners of American Eagle is simple : change the name of the company to American Beagle (EVERYONE LIKES BEAGLES) and license the Toughskins’ “Oingo Boingo Ain’t Oi” for the resulting campaign. Everyone’s a winner (except for perhaps, Danny Elfman).

i am presuming you are all caught up in the sorry tale of police harassment / judicial overreach that has seen a beloved american icon (ok, Chuck E. Cheese) hauled away on the most specious of charges. who amongst us at one time or another not inadvertently borrowed a credit card and run up some miscellaneous charges at a local smoke shop or tavern? Are these not-quite capital crimes justification for zip ties and shaming on the grandest of stages (ok, Daily Mail dot com)? I think not. instead, i would like to see many of you transported to an alternate universe where authoritarian goons are openly persecuted by 6 foot tall rodents that walk upright

greetings and welcome to episode 269.  There were some last minute edits to today's episode --- i took a call on-air last night from an agitated individual who took great umbrage at Drake acknowledging Ozzy Osbourne's passing yet having nothing to say about the death of fellow Canadian Bill Exley (Nihilist Spasm Band).  Though this caller sounded suspiciously like the same person who used to harangue Rudy Giuliani about the latter's views on ferrets, I can't prove it and besides, he used too much profanity (and I cannot risk East Village Radio losing funding like those NPR stations that only play generic music dumped upon them by record label pluggers).   But hey, I am not above staying up all night to re-record the show.  This isn't the first time something like this has happened and knowing the sensibilities of the listenership, it probably won't be the last time, either 

Over the past several weeks I feel as though I’ve inundated with unreasonable requests, many of them coming from persons I have no relationship with, personally or professionally.  I’ll grant that my reactions to such demands are a tad on the sensitive side , but in the interests of separating the kellogg’s mini-wheats from the chaff, going forward I’ve established a price list that will hopefully save everyone some time (and help pay for the powerful anti-depressants I require to deal with many of you)
 
 $100 - answer questions about some bullshit from 30+ years ago
 $200 - answer questions about some bullshit from 3 days ago
 $250 -  write “letter of introduction” to someone else in show business (whom i barely know myself)
 $300 - blurb / pull quote for band I’ve not heard, seen or met (extra $200 if i have to listen to them)
 $500 - appear on your podcast
 $2000 - appear in your documentary film about a band I might’ve seen once or zero times

still free - advice to the lovelorn (though be advised I’ve no success stories, batting .000 here) 

earlier this week, a (very funny) social media post by David Stubbs extensively cataloged the myriad ways Oasis suck-like-crazy, laying waste to the revisionist history these dopes had any redeeming values, musical or otherwise. As this post was timed to coincide with the (less interesting) Bruddas’ reunion stadium tour — not titled “Triumph Of The Norms & Normettes”, but perhaps it should’ve been — it’s been circulated far and wide. The thing is, you don’t need Stubbs’ permission to conclude everything surrounding the band is wretched. As revelations go, this is somewhere between Victor Wembanyama is quite tall and water is especially wet. As sibling rivalries go, this stuff is hardly Ray versus Dave. It’s not even Greg vs. Raymond. 

WAKE ME WHEN THE SPECIAL MOMENTS REFORM. Or failing that, wake me at 8:30 am central time as i need to post the radio show.

KEEP HONKING if you’re in any way complicit (hey there fellow tax payers) in neighbors, friends, trusted colleagues and people who love their families so-very-much being hauled off U.S. streets and detained under brutal condition.  Honest, kind, hard working people just like you (presuming you’re all of these things and if you’re not, that’s another subject). WOAH, that’s too much honking.  I mean, I cannot hear myself think over all the fucking honking.  Maybe raise your hands instead.  
 #fuckice  

(above:  Cubs OF Rick Monday graciously shows two Dodgers fans how to burn an American flag, circa 1976)

June 25 marks the advent  of two incredibly important inventions in the history of civilization ;  June 25 1630 saw the introduction of the fork, while June 25, 1867 was day barbed wire was patented. 

Today’s program considers how our history might’ve changed had these dates been reversed ;   nearly 250 years could’ve elapsed with nothing being eaten except soup.  Conversely, barbed-wire death matches (electrified and otherwise) could’ve begun much, much earlier. Of course, these were hundreds of years before the birth of Abdullah The Butcher whose body of work would’ve undoubtedly suffered had he been toiling during a gap between forks and barbed wire. 
 
 My monologue about this subject is nearly two hours long and rather than save it for patreon subscribers, I’ve instead deleted the entire thing. You simply don’t deserve to hear it.  So It’s another all-music episode (sorry).

as this NBA season draws to a close, this week's program celebrates (belatedly) the 22nd anniversary of a troubled Calvin Klein accosting Latrell Sprewell in the middle of a Raptors/Knicks game. These days if you want to be led away in handcuffs, all you have to do is ask some reasonable questions at a press conference. In (slightly) less authoritarian times, however, far more effort was required. You had to purchase a court side seat at MSG and then risk strangulation at the hands of Latrell Sprewell and if you think this is pretext for another one of my, "you don't know how easy you have it," diatribes that frequently take up half the show, fear not because I have laryngitis. Or I no longer have the energy. If your grandparents built a bomb shelter, wouldn't it be just wonderful if the entire thing is filled to the ceiling with your defunct band's overstock.