to quote Charlotte Caffey and Kathy Valentine, I am certain there are moments “"head over heels, to time to think / 
Looks like the whole world's out of sync” resonates deeply with each and every one of you. And that’s why I do this program each and every week, to try and help you make sense of the senseless. I’ll admit that I’ve not done a particularly good job in the regard — I tend to get sidetracked with a particular musical theme and completely disregard whatever larger point I’d sought out to make, but that my friends, speaks to the power of music While this week’s Ace Frehley tribute in hour #3 is only availalble to Patreon subscribers, the preceding two hours are, in my opinion the very pinnacle of my narrow-casting tenure.

so none of my so-called friends thought it was worth mentioning that the National Crime Prevention Council’s ill-advised 1988 cassette, ‘McGruff’s Smart Kids Album’ had recently been reissued on multiple formats by some enterprising record label and all available copies are G O N E. On the endless list of things going wrong near and far, this probably ranks rather low when it comes to issues to be massively upset over. But as you have probably learned by now, with the possible exception of Pat Riley when he was still young enough to have Kurt Russell and Michael Douglas emulate him in mainstream films, no one knows how to manufacture outrage like me. 

So here we are — another two hours of highly manufacture outrage, as pathetic as it is performative, with occasional (well, 117 minutes) musical interludes. Not playing anything from ‘McGruff’s Smart Kids’ this time because I’m NOT FUCKING YOO TOOB (and I’m still mad, outraged, even).

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if you’re like me (and I suspect a few of you are), you were surprised but hardly outraged at the NFL’s recent announcement that Bun E. Carlos would be headlining the Super Bowl halftime show next February.  Granted, a 15 minute drum solo is not everyone’s brand of entertainment (and technically, since this is an instrumental performance, no one will be singing in English) but given Cheap Trick’s election to tour without Bun E. for several years now, this is a unique opportunity to remind the world what an incredible player he is and at the end of the day that’s all that matters. It’s a shame this is being politicized like everything else these days but if some enterprising kook wants to counter program (Appice brothers drum clinic, rig rundown with Bobby Blotzer, etc.)  by all means, go for it.  
 
 This week’s show will not feature any Cheap Trick songs with Bun E., not for the usual rights clearance issues but rather because all of my Cheap Trick records are in deep storage and every time I go to the storage space there’s a guy working there who wants to argue that Off Broadway were the better band.  

greetings friends, I nearly wasn’t able to complete this week’s episode after being diagnosed with a case of minor men’s whiplash acquired while reading the New York Times’ recent, “Is It OK To Use Your Phone On The Toilet?” article. Weirdly enough, I was not reading said think (?) piece on the toilet but instead an airport monorail that made an abrupt stop, hence the Joel Gertner signature neck brace that I’ll be sporting for the foreseeable future. On the bright side, this does open the doors to the paper of record considering other crucial questions, including but not limited to “can i use the same blanket as the dog?”, “do expiration dates really matter?” and the time honored quandary,”if the Exploited and Anti-Pasti* were both drowning and could only save one, which would it be?” (this is one for The Ethicist) We’ll get into (nearly) all of it on this week’s show. 

 * -trick question, everyone in Anti-Pasti is an accomplished swimmer, so they’d never need saving.

this week’s planned Goner Fest preview was scrapped at the last minute in favor of a two hour roundtable (pizza) discussion concerning the mooted mid 1990’s merger of eco-cult Zendik Farm with purveyor of delicious (albeit highly processed) baked goods Pepperidge Farm. Did it fall apart when the former’s patriarch, the late Wulf Zendik (above) learned the latter’s vaunted cheddar cheese goldfish in fact, contained no fish whatsoever? Or was the issue Pepperidge Farms upper management taking umbrage at Zendik’s insistence that all sexual contact had to be approved by committee? It’s A LOT to shift thru, especially when no one on the panel is old enough to remember any of it. Thankfully there’s a little bit of music here and there to compensate for the uninformed opinions and baseless speculation.

i’ve looked forward to the day I’d be able to do this program live from East Village Radio’s lovely 1st Avenue booth, however in light of recent events in the USA, I have implored station management for INCREASED SECURITY.  Not for everyone, necessarily, primarily for me.  I’ve come to understand that despite this show’s wild popularity, some of the views I routinely espouse (ie. liquor and cabaret licenses should be revoked for failure to post set times, the Dandy Warhols should be sent to outer space, etc.) are highly controversial.  Divisive, even.  So once again, this week's show comes to you from a remote location. Much as I would love to engage in open debate with the more hapless among you, once again you will have to settle for the ultimate in American free expression — a cis white guy yelling with a microphone.  Also, there’s a great story about blowing off a Torche show last week. It's a story, anyway

this week’s program comes to you from Wood Green where following a fascinating guided tour of guitarist Barry D'Amery’s birthplace/museum, we’ll discuss the disappointing, nah, shocking paucity of details on INFA RIOT’s wikipedia. How can an ensemble with such a rich and colorful historybe summed up in a mere two paragraphs? Is there really nothing to be said of the band’s ill-advised decision in 1984 to change their name to The Infas?  Are there no details — say, for instance, calls for a boycott if not outright shunning — following Infa Riot’s 2018 appearance in Tel Aviv?   We’re gonna get into ALL OF IT and more on this week’s incredible show but alas, we’ll not be hearing any Info Riot music.  It’s not for rights clearance issues, mind you,  I just don’t think they’re that great

he accompanying photograph is from an aborted IG account called ShaneandKaneOuttaContext. The problem is, I cannot possibly share such an arresting visual without providing some context. 

For the crap politician on the right, this is maybe the most (only?) relatable thing he’s ever done. For the Bill Simmons lookalike on the left, a man whose only marketable skill is his ability to fall from great heights, this was a grim reminder that running wild on the mean streets of Greenwich, CT will eventually have consequences, be they getting fucked out of the family business or being tortured by Glenn Jacobs and a car battery. 

None of this is really dealt with on this week’s show because it’s not really a visual medium.

The other day, an East Village Radio colleague played a  new recording by a band so derivative, so feckless, so utterly craven, so thoroughly lacking any musical or lyrical creativity that I knew I had to do something about it.  Except of course, there’s nothing I can do about it. Where I to name and shame this particular ensemble, I would almost certainly subject myself to accusation of bullying, or even worse, “gate-keeping”. 
 
 Putting aside how I’ve kept MANY records by Gate and that’s nothing to be ashamed of, I’m instead not going to take this lying down and will be launching a gofundme on this very episode in order to finance a time machine.  Once I’ve zapped myself back several decades, I can make some of the same terrible life choices the rest of you schmucks have surely made, ensuring I have zero notoriety or influence to speak of.  Then, I can freely take steps to eliminate the band in question (perhaps by hooking their parents-to-be up with more intelligent or attractive partners  — i think there’s multiple other movies I need to research).
 
 For those who’d call this an incredible personal sacrifice on my part, YOU’RE RIGHT.  I might not be the most unselfish person you know, but I bet I’m in the top 20. 
 
 (time machine art : The Masquerading Scientist) 

like many of you, I was confused, befuddled, even, when the Kennedy Centers Honors list was released earlier this month and BRAINBOMBS were included.  I mean, they’re Swedish.   OTOH, much of their subject matter would be right in line with the administration’s general worldview . As it turns out,  I, like many of you, had presumed these presentations were under the auspices of the John F. Kennedy Center For The Performing Arts, but in fact, this was for the OTHER Kennedy Center, ie. the one named for and curated by former MTV VJ-turned-Fox-News-fixture Kennedy.  So with that in mind, it’s not really much of an honor - it’s sort of like winning “Best New Jack Swing” in the Austin Music Awards.
 
 In the words of Charles K Wilson,  Lonnie Lee Simmons and Rudy Taylor, “first explosion turned out to be corrosion”.  I’ll try not to jump to conclusions next time.