Non-naive Naiveness

#04-Nonviolent Communication – Talk So People Actually Listen


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You think you’re just being honest.You’re expressing how you feel.You’re trying to help.

But what if… you’re actually being emotionally controlling?

In this episode, I share how a four-month trip around the world led me to a Nonviolent Communication course that completely changed how I speak, lead, and relate to others.

I talk about the “invisible violence” hidden in well-intentioned words, how we often replace listening with persuasion, and why most people don’t feel heard—no matter how clearly we think we’re talking.

This isn’t just a theory episode.It’s full of personal stories, mistakes, breakthroughs—and what I’ve learned after years of getting communication wrong.

 

00:23 – Why most of our pain comes from other people01:31 – The painful moment I realized: I’m a “violent communicator”02:26 – Power vs. Force: The hidden control in how we speak03:42 – What Nonviolent Communication really means (and why it works)06:52 – Why I never shy away from hard conversations07:45 – The 4 steps of NVC: Observation, Feeling, Need, Request09:52 – Are you observing—or already judging?15:57 – “I feel like…” isn’t a feeling (and why that matters)20:57 – Getting past the anger: What are they really asking for?25:50 – The mindset shift: Nonviolent Communication is a reframe27:58 – Empathy isn’t advice—it’s respectful understanding31:01 – A story from work: True respect means caring how someone feels33:40 – Empathy before agreement: the rule I live by35:23– Request vs. Demand: Why your ask might sound like pressure38:07 – When two people really understand each other—it’s magic40:11 – NVC is for emotional conversations, not office memos40:55 – Someone has to go first (even if the other person doesn’t respond)44:00 – I still mess this up—but I’m working on alignment

 

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Non-naive NaivenessBy Tianzhen Yang