Parent Driven Development

048: Darcy Lockman - All The Rage

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Parent Driven Development
Episode 048: Darcy Lockman - All The Rage: Mothers, Fathers and The Myth of Equal Partnership
00:23 Welcome, Darcy!

Darcy Lockman is a former journalist turned clinical psychologist and the author of All the Rage: Mothers, Fathers, and the Myth of Equal Partnership. Her first book, Brooklyn Zoo, chronicled the year she spent working on the psychiatric ward of a city hospital. She lives and practices (for the time being virtually) in New York City.

00:39 Orgins of All The Rage
  • Child care falls on Darcy more than her husband.. moms more than dads?
  • Why are we living like this?
  • The impact of patriarchy on all of us
    • 04:25 Patriarchy instilled into our culture
    • Women carry 65% childcare work, while men carry 35%
    • The feminine is looked down in society
    • Communality / agency - girls raised to be more communal, boys are raised to be more agentic
    • Women join the workforce, but keep up with childcare duties
      • 09:32 How to guide kids with equal partnership at home
      • Kids easily influenced from their outside world
      • Identification with the same sex parent
      • Gender detectives - searching for the group that they belong in
      • The one way glass study
      • Women have this idea that their male partner should not be inconvenienced, and that it’s ok if they are
        • 16:17 Is being traditional wrong?
        • What good dads get away with
        • Stay at home mom stigma
          • 19:05 Dual earning couples is sole focused on from All The Rage Book
          • After work “breaks” ?After work “breaks” ?
          • Unequal experience, unequal ability
          • Taking care of children takes practice
          • Paid paternity leave for men in other countries - use it or lose it
            • 24:20 Who is responsible for the mental load?
            • Techniques to share the workload
            • Women tend to feel more responsible and may have to unlearn this feeling of taking no time off
            • Underbenifitor / Overbenifitor - both sides uncomfortable
              • 29:50 The pandemic is making the invisible workload more visible
              • Possible progress to be made in couples
                • 32:45 Genius / Fail moments
                • JC’s kids have been helping around the house since the pandemic hit, including dinner! #geniuswin
                • Chris grounds steak with kids to make tacos. They were a hit and ready to go, until Chris accidentally dropped a glass dish right next to the taco meat and glass got in the taco meat… Dinner restart #fail
                • Darcy embraces a sugar vacation during the pandemic and let’s her girls feast on junk food that is usually not allowed. #genuisfail maybe??
                  • Get your copy of All The Rage!
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                  Panel

                  JC Avena

                  Chris Sexton

                  Special Guest: Darcy Lockman.

                  Sponsored By:

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