today marks the program’s 4th anniversary and while I certainly appreciate all the well-wishes (which by and large, are preferable than learning you wish I’d fall down a well), I must humbly plead for the barrage of gifts to STOP. As you’re undoubtedly aware, the 4th anniversary is considered a fruit/flowers occasion here in the USA and much like Elton John, I’ve got too many flowers in the house already. The fruit was nice for a day or two but now it’s starting to rot and I nearly broke my neck tripping over the fruit baskets assembled in front of my doorway. To make matters worse, the rest of the world thinks this is a SILK anniversary and at the risk of seeming ungrateful, some of these silky garments sent by strangers are as inappropriate as they are (ahem) comfortable. So please, just this once, let’s not make a big fucking deal (out of a spectacular achievement most of you could only dream of).