While communicating it is important to look for what you or your spouse is really trying to get out of the other.  For example, during one conversation a husband was trying to figure out whether or not his spouse valued his opinion and his decisions.  During the same conversation the wife was wanting to know if he heard her and cared for her.  Can you see why communication could be so difficult?  Each individual was trying to get something from the other that differed significantly and therefore their communication missed.