Will & Luke Discuss

#1 Attached (Levine & Heller, 2010)

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This was our first podcast - great to get the ball rolling on a shared interest after 28 years of friendship.

We talked about the three attachment styles -- Anxious, Secure and Avoidant -- where these come from, how they play out in romantic relationships, how people can bring greater awareness to their own style, and how to better communicate one's needs. We looked at protest behaviours exhibited by the anxious among us and the de-activating strategies of the avoidants. We also discussed the anxious-avoidant trap, compatibility vs chemistry, and the impact of technology on each of the attachment styles.

Hope you enjoy. 

Will & Luke  

  • 0:15 Introductions and the anxious attachment style 
  • 03:45 How the anxious attachment style develops 
  • 07:05 Book overview 
  • 08:55 Summary of secure attachment style 
  • 17:05 Summary of avoidant attachment style 
  • 22:25 Origins of attachment systems in human romance, relationships and dependence 
  • 32:15 Intimacy triggering the threat system in avoidant styles 
  • 33:23 Object relations theory (Need for Independence and Connection) 
  • 36:05 Deactivating strategies in avoidant styles ('The Phantom- Ex' and 'The One') 
  • 41:15 'Push & Pull' relationships 
  • 43:30 Anxious-Avoidant trap 
  • 47:00 When avoidant styles let their guard down (earned security) and development of defenses 
  • 52:15 Non-Violent Communication and communication of needs in relationships 
  • 1:11:15 Why do avoidant people find secure people such a challenge? And how a relationship like this could work? And the effect of chemistry. 
  • 1:24:00 Long term monogamy as the norm implied? 
  • 1:26:00 Impact of technology and travel on the 3 attachment styles 
  • 1:31:00 Deciphering between being anxious/avoidant or just incompatible? 
  • 1:39:55 The importance of having people to mirror back your attachment patterns 
  • 1:50:00 Summary of styles and strategies 
  • 1:53:15 Final thoughts on how attachment plays out. (Avoidant = Dismissing. Anxious - Preoccupied)  

    • Get the book: https://www.attachedthebook.com/wordpress/

    This specific episode can also be seen on: https://youtu.be/oUcxz9ZB8UA

    Check our Youtube Channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC1Y_SKLFpax13442jA3giaw/videos

    Listen to us on Spotify:https://open.spotify.com/show/2R1BRcriKWcvOU1XMJQhyW

    Listen to us on Apple Podcasts:https://podcasts.apple.com/au/podcast/will-luke-discuss/id1572512365

    Listen to us on Google Podcast:https://www.google.com/podcastsfeed=aHR0cHM6Ly9hbmNob3IuZm0vcy81Zjk2YTNmYy9wb2RjYXN0L3Jzcw==

    Also available on: Anchor, Breaker, Pocket Casts, Radio Public.

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