1. Treat marriage like an organism not a piece of paper. Treat marriage like a business.
2. Unconditional Love is marriage cancer - Wanting to be loved unconditionally is destructive.
3. Being Defensive is completely biological -.
4. Dichotomies that polarize explains a lot of the conflict- Some people choose peace over closeness, and fear vulnerability that desire intimacy. 
5. Being pursued creates security. The feeling of relational Security is the result of being pursued not being in control. If you aren’t being pursued, find out if there is anything that you are doing or not doing that makes it hard for your partner to pursue you. Then after you address that issue before you start giving helpful suggestions for them to love you better, find out if they want to know how to help you feel more loved. Be careful not to just assume. Some people instead of appreciating knowing how to better love you feel beat up or criticized because they aren’t enough.
6. Communicating to understand is more powerful than communicating to be understood.
7. The “in-love feeling” that is so wonderful is a learned art, not the result of how amazing your partner is. 
8. Two things that women don’t even know about their own sexual desire. a) Women who are in the raising young children have higher levels of prolactin and high levels of prolactin decrease sexual desire.
9. Women’s sexual desire is buried under layers of emotional closeness, comfort, trust, and arousal. Take the lead and trust that the juices will flow.
10. Men inadvertently kill women sex drive. Men can focus on creating a connection, trust, and then put your flirt on!

Get your own copy of - You Can Turn Conflict into Closeness