The Emil Show - All Things Relational

In this powerful episode, Emil introduces a perspective that challenges how most people think about marriage: what if the quality of your relationship isn’t determined by who you married—but by the laws you live?

Drawing on scripture, human behavior, and real-life therapy experiences, Emil breaks down The Three Levels of Marriage—Telestial, Terrestrial, and Celestial—as three distinct ways couples think, act, and relate to one another. These aren’t just abstract ideas; they are patterns that show up in everyday conversations, conflicts, and choices.

The episode begins with a foundational truth: God operates by laws, not preferences. Just like the laws of physics determine whether a plane can fly, relational laws determine whether a marriage thrives. When couples understand and align with these laws, their efforts produce connection and stability. When they don’t, frustration and disconnection follow.

Emil then walks through each level:

• Telestial Marriage (“Me First”) is driven by emotion, impulse, and self-focus. Partners react, defend, and blame. Conflict escalates quickly, and the relationship often feels chaotic and unstable. 
• Terrestrial Marriage (“Fairness”) is more functional but still limited. It’s built on balance and scorekeeping—“If you do this, I’ll do that.” While there’s more control, connection is conditional, and resentment can quietly build over time. 
• Celestial Marriage (“Becoming & Loving”) represents a higher way of relating. It’s rooted in growth, accountability, and love that is given—not earned. Instead of reacting, partners choose who they want to become. They take responsibility for their impact and prioritize connection, even in difficult moments. 

Through relatable examples, Emil shows how the same situation—like a frustrated or passive-aggressive comment—can lead to completely different outcomes depending on which “law” a person is living. These small moments, repeated over time, define the direction of a marriage.

The episode also introduces Three Responsibilities of a Celestial Marriage:

1. Compensate for weaknesses with patience and compassion 
2. Pursue personal growth to become a better partner 
3. Invite, don’t demand to create lasting, internal change 

A key insight: being right does not make it right. True strength in marriage comes from emotional maturity, humility, and intentional love.

Emil leaves listeners with a simple but powerful question to guide their choices:
 Is this response telestial, terrestrial, or celestial?

This episode is an invitation to stop waiting for your partner to change and instead elevate how you show up. Because ultimately:

Telestial marriage says, “I do what I want.”
 Terrestrial marriage says, “I do what’s fair.”
 Celestial marriage says, “I become someone greater through how I love you.”

And that shift changes everything. 

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Are you struggling with a defiant teen, constant power struggles, or feeling like nothing you do is working as a parent?

In this powerful episode of The Emil Show, Emil Harker sits down with parent coach Beth Hillman to break down one of the biggest hidden issues in parenting teens: enmeshment—when parents feel responsible for their child’s emotions, decisions, and outcomes.

If you’ve ever thought:

•  “Why won’t my teen listen to me?” 
•  “I know what’s best for them—why are they pushing back?” 
•  “How do I stop the constant conflict in my home?” 

…this episode will give you practical, real-world tools that actually work.

🔥 What You’ll Learn in This Episode:

•  Why trying to control your teenager makes things worse
•  The difference between control vs. influence in parenting
•  How to break free from parent-teen enmeshment
•  What healthy boundaries really look like (and how to enforce them) 
•  How to respond when your teen is angry, disrespectful, or dysregulated
•  The “My Part / Your Part” framework to stop emotional reactivity 
•  How to stay calm and connected during intense conflict 
•  When it might be time to consider wilderness therapy or residential treatment

Beth shares her personal journey as a parent navigating a struggling teen, combined with powerful coaching strategies that have helped hundreds of parents regain peace, confidence, and connection in their homes.

🎯 Who This Is For:

•  Parents of struggling teens
•  Families dealing with behavior issues, defiance, or substance use
•  Therapists and professionals working with adolescents 
•  Parents considering wilderness programs or RTCs
•  Anyone who wants to reduce conflict and increase connection

💡 Key Takeaway:

You can’t control your teen—but you can change your influence. And that changes everything.

🔗 Resources Mentioned:

•  Beth Hillman Coaching 
•  Parenting Post-Wilderness Podcast 

📌 Keywords (SEO Boost):

parenting teens, defiant teenager help, how to deal with a rebellious teen, parenting strategies for teenagers, teen behavior problems, parent coaching, enmeshment parenting, boundaries with teenagers, conflict resolution parenting, emotional regulation parenting, wilderness therapy, residential treatment center teens, parenting advice for difficult teens

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Are you struggling with a defiant, anxious, or rebellious teen? You’re not alone—and you’re not doing it wrong.

In this powerful episode of The Emil Show, Emil sits down with licensed marriage and family therapist Jonathan Sherman to unpack what’s really going on with teens today—and why traditional parenting approaches are falling short.

Together, they dive deep into the hidden emotional world of teenagers, revealing a truth most parents miss: behind the rebellion, attitude, and resistance… is fear.

Jonathan shares insights from over 30 years of experience working with teens and families, offering practical strategies to help parents and therapists move from power struggles to real connection and influence.

🔑 In this episode, you’ll learn:
Why “defiance” isn’t what you think it is—and how to reframe it
The #1 mistake parents make that pushes teens further away
How fear, anxiety, and loneliness drive teen behavior
Why connection—not control—is the key to lasting change
How to break out of the parent-teen power struggle cycle
Practical ways to build trust, even with the most resistant teens
The surprising impact of social media and “dopamine without responsibility”
Why parents need training—not more guilt
💡 A powerful takeaway:

“There’s no such thing as a resistant teen—only resistance we don’t yet understand.”

👥 Who this is for:
Parents of struggling or rebellious teens
Therapists and professionals working with adolescents
Anyone who wants to better understand teen behavior and build stronger relationships
🎯 Bottom line:

If you feel overwhelmed, frustrated, or unsure how to help your teen—you’re not failing. You just haven’t been given the right tools yet.

This episode will change how you see your teen—and give you a new path forward.

👉 Don’t forget to like, subscribe, and share with someone who needs this message.

#ParentingTeens #TeenBehavior #ParentingHelp #FamilyTherapy #ConflictResolution #TheEmilShow

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🚨 Why Helping Your Teen Too Much Might Be Hurting Them (And What to Do Instead)

If you’re a parent of a struggling teen—or a professional working with adolescents—this conversation will challenge everything you think you know about helping kids succeed.

In this episode of The Emil Show, Emil sits down with Mark Spalding (LCSW), co-founder of Live Strong House, to unpack what’s really going on with today’s teens—and why so many well-intentioned parenting strategies are actually backfiring.

👉 Why do teens lose motivation, confidence, and direction?
👉 How does “rescuing” your child quietly destroy their self-worth?
👉 What actually builds resilience, accountability, and real change?

This episode goes deep into the psychology of adolescence, modern parenting traps, and a powerful alternative approach that is transforming lives.

🔥 What You’ll Learn in This Episode:
Why over-helping your teen can create long-term resentment
The hidden danger of “rescuing” vs. building resilience
How social media and dopamine are rewiring teen motivation
The concept of “maximizing influence” instead of controlling behavior
A powerful parenting shift:
👉 “What am I doing that’s creating the behavior I don’t want?”
How to build confidence, accountability, and emotional maturity
Why consequences alone don’t create change
The difference between behavior modification vs. value transformation
🧠 A Powerful Truth for Parents:

“We steal our children’s confidence by trying to increase our own.”

If your teen is:

Struggling with motivation
Using substances or escaping responsibility
Emotionally shut down or defiant
Resistant to therapy or structure

…this episode will give you a completely new lens—and practical tools—to respond differently.

👥 Who This Is For:
Parents of struggling teens
Therapists, counselors, and RTC professionals
Anyone working with adolescents
Families navigating anxiety, defiance, or “failure to launch”
🔗 About the Guest:

Mark Spalding is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker with 30+ years of experience working with adolescents and families. He is the co-founder of Live Strong House, a unique therapeutic program focused on real-life integration, accountability, and value-driven growth.

💬 Final Takeaway:

Real change doesn’t come from controlling teens—it comes from changing how we show up as parents and leaders.

👍 If this resonates, like, subscribe, and share this with a parent or professional who needs it.

#ParentingTeens #TeenMentalHealth #StrugglingTeens #ParentingAdvice #TherapyTools #EmilShow #AdolescentPsychology

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Dealing with passive aggressive comments are some of the hardest statements to respond to. Using the "translation" process it helps us protect our boundaries from these hurtful comments without creating a fight. 

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What is emotional connection?

Why does it often decrease over time in relationships and how can we get it back?

Emotional connection or intimacy is sometimes hard to describe, but it's easy to know when it's gone. In this episode, Emil discusses the pattern of decreasing emotional investment in relationships and how to turn things around.

Creating shared emotional experiences is the key to connection. Emotional intimacy is the attunement and resonation of our emotional experiences. When emotions are understood and validated, they become a shared experience. Below is an exercise to sharpen skills needed for emotional intimacy.

Learn to share emotions:

• Identify an emotion. Use an emotions chart or feelings wheel to pick an emotion. 
• Look up what that emotion means. 
• Share a story that makes that emotion make sense. 

Learn to identify the emotions of your partner:

• When your partner is speaking, look for the emotions they are expressing.
• Try to recognize the emotion in the story and then share with your partner. 

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Is happiness really a choice? What role should your partner play in your happiness? In this episode, Emil describes the roles and responsibilities we have as individuals and as partners regarding happiness. He explains why taking responsibility for your partner’s happiness can lead to an amazing marriage. 

But what if your partner is never happy regardless of your efforts? 
What if they don’t try to make you happy? 

Emil discusses the role of personal responsibility and when it may be time to change your circumstances. 

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What is the secret to a great marriage? 

This is the most frequent question that I receive.

The answer is simple: seeking, receiving, and responding to feedback.

In this episode, I share how feedback is the key to true closeness.  I explain why the purpose of marriage is growth and becoming our best selves, not comfort and convenience.

Feedback Check-In

1.      I am working on __________.

2.      On a scale of 1-10, how am I doing on _________?

3.      What can I do to move that number closer to 10?

4.      What else can I do to make to make you (my partner) feel love and like a priority?

For a copy of Emil’s Feedback Check-In handout, email him at [email protected]

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What are the rules about bringing things up from the past? 

In relationships, partners often bring up the past during arguments in the present. Why does this happen, when is it legitimate, and how do we handle it?  In this episode, Emil answers all these questions and more.

 Why do people bring up past events:

1.     They are unsure of how to communicate their feelings of disappointment in the present and use past events or behaviors to support, intensify, or accentuate the expression of their current feelings. Using past events in this way is an attempt to gain understanding from their partner but is not legitimate and not effective.  

 2.     The past behavior is unresolved. Resolving an issue requires creating a specific plan of action and following through on that plan. If a partner is pointing out a behavior that is ongoing, it is a legitimate reason to bring up the past and can be addressed by properly resolving the issue at hand.

When the past is brought up, how do you respond?

If your partner is bringing up the past, ask them, “Are you bringing this up from the past because it’s something that you think is a pattern (and hasn’t been resolved), or are you just having a hard time letting me know how disappointed you are in this moment?”

If it’s a pattern, take the time to resolve it. If it is the latter, listen to your partner and validate their feelings. After they feel heard, ask if your partner is willing to hear your why.

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It's vital to be critical about any marriage advice you find online. Here's how to ensure you're getting good, reliable information:

1. Source Credibility:

Reputable Websites: Focus on sites run by mental health professionals, relationship therapists, or established organizations dedicated to marriage and family wellness. Look for websites with ".org," ".gov," or ".edu" domains. Examples include:

The Gottman Institute (https://www.gottman.com/)

American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy (https://www.aamft.org/)

Author Qualifications: Is the advice written by a licensed therapist, counselor, or someone with relevant credentials and experience in relationships? Avoid advice from vague or unnamed sources.

2. Look for Evidence-Based Recommendations:

Research-backed: Good advice should be based on established psychological principles and research findings, not just personal opinions. Look for references to studies or reputable sources.

Avoid Generalizations: Be wary of advice that makes sweeping statements or offers one-size-fits-all solutions. Relationships are complex and nuanced.

3. Consider Your Unique Circumstances:

Context is Key: Your relationship dynamics, personalities, and challenges are unique. Advice that worked for someone else may not be the best fit for you.

Gut Feeling: If something doesn't feel right or sounds too extreme, trust your instincts. Don't feel pressured to follow advice that makes you uncomfortable.

4. Seek Multiple Perspectives:

Don't Rely on a Single Source: Get information from a variety of reputable websites, books, or even discussions with trusted friends and family members.

Professional Counsel: If you're facing serious issues, consider talking to a licensed marriage and family therapist. They can provide personalized guidance based on your specific situation.

5. Red Flags to Watch Out For:

Promises of Quick Fixes: Relationships take work; be skeptical of advice claiming to solve all your problems overnight.

Extremes: Beware of advice that promotes all-or-nothing thinking, encourages you to cut off communication, or suggests controlling behaviors.

Harmful or Abusive: Reject any advice that advocates for emotionally or physically harmful actions.

Additional Tips:

Frame Questions Carefully: When searching online, be specific about your relationship challenges. This will help you find more targeted advice.

Use Discernment: Keep a healthy skepticism, and filter advice through your own judgment and awareness of your relationship.

Remember: Even the best advice online is no substitute for open communication with your partner. Building a strong marriage involves honest conversations, understanding, and effort from both of you.

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