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106 - Building A Boundary
Annaliese and Alan talk about how to make healthy, effective boundaries that actually support real life and real relationships. Instead of boundaries being a last-minute reaction to discomfort or conflict, they explore how boundaries work best when they’re intentional, value-based, and planned all the way through. Annaliese share the 3 Prongs of Building a Boundary—choose it, set it, enforce it. Learn why you need all three if you want your boundary to work for you instead of creating more tension, guilt, or frustration. Listen today to hear how creating a plan for each prong helps you stay grounded, clear, and steady while setting your boundary, no matter how others respond.
You’ll Hear About:
Why boundaries are at their best when they support your deeper values and help build a bridge that makes relationship possible—not a wall that cuts people off
How to choose a boundary by first noticing your discomfort, clarifying what you want the boundary to protect or support, and getting clear on your “why” before deciding how to communicate it
How clarifying your deeper “want,” especially in relationships, helps you understand why certain interactions feel threatening or draining, and what goal you truly want to shoot for in the relationship
Why disappointment often happens when you forget to make a plan to enforce a boundary—and why follow-through matters
Your Free Coaching Call:
Schedule your free 1-hour Discovery Chat with Annaliese to get personalized support with boundaries, communication, and self-leadership: www.linktree.com/coachannaliese
Practice:
BUILDING A BOUNDARY:
If you only make a boundary as a reaction to uncomfortable situations, and don’t intentionally talk it through first with the person and proactively plan it out, you’ll likely end up with an ineffective boundary and a more frustrating dynamic. Walk yourself through these 3 Prongs with honesty, self-awareness, and openness.
Prong 1: Choose It
-Take time to reflect on the specific situation and be clear about what the boundary needs to be and why.
-Identify what the boundary is meant to protect or support—your values, time, energy, priorities, or goals.
-Remember: others don’t have to agree with your values for you to show up in a respectful, confident way and build a boundary that supports how you want to show up, even if there’s pushback.
Prong 2: Set It
-Decide who you want to be as you communicate the boundary and how you want the conversation to feel.
-Think intentionally about the other person’s experience. What do they actually need to hear?
What would help this feel like a mutual, relationship-forward conversation rather than you just pushing an agenda?
-Picture how you want both of you to feel during and after the conversation—this clarity helps you choose language that keeps connection and respect in view.
Prong 3: Enforce It
-Prepare for likely responses and scenarios and decide how you’ll support yourself in those cases (ex. reactions/lashing out, disagreement or exclusion from the other person, perspective the other person adds that changes your viewpoint). This isn't about worst-case scenarios, it's about facing and navigating reality wisely. Plan what you’ll say if needed in each possible situation, what boundaries around space or support you may need, and practice how you would calmly shift or re-communicate the boundary without overexplaining or reacting.
-Boundaries work best when you’re willing to commit to walking them out confidently and respectfully over time, not just say them once.
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By Annaliese SeabornAnnaliese and Alan talk about how to make healthy, effective boundaries that actually support real life and real relationships. Instead of boundaries being a last-minute reaction to discomfort or conflict, they explore how boundaries work best when they’re intentional, value-based, and planned all the way through. Annaliese share the 3 Prongs of Building a Boundary—choose it, set it, enforce it. Learn why you need all three if you want your boundary to work for you instead of creating more tension, guilt, or frustration. Listen today to hear how creating a plan for each prong helps you stay grounded, clear, and steady while setting your boundary, no matter how others respond.
You’ll Hear About:
Why boundaries are at their best when they support your deeper values and help build a bridge that makes relationship possible—not a wall that cuts people off
How to choose a boundary by first noticing your discomfort, clarifying what you want the boundary to protect or support, and getting clear on your “why” before deciding how to communicate it
How clarifying your deeper “want,” especially in relationships, helps you understand why certain interactions feel threatening or draining, and what goal you truly want to shoot for in the relationship
Why disappointment often happens when you forget to make a plan to enforce a boundary—and why follow-through matters
Your Free Coaching Call:
Schedule your free 1-hour Discovery Chat with Annaliese to get personalized support with boundaries, communication, and self-leadership: www.linktree.com/coachannaliese
Practice:
BUILDING A BOUNDARY:
If you only make a boundary as a reaction to uncomfortable situations, and don’t intentionally talk it through first with the person and proactively plan it out, you’ll likely end up with an ineffective boundary and a more frustrating dynamic. Walk yourself through these 3 Prongs with honesty, self-awareness, and openness.
Prong 1: Choose It
-Take time to reflect on the specific situation and be clear about what the boundary needs to be and why.
-Identify what the boundary is meant to protect or support—your values, time, energy, priorities, or goals.
-Remember: others don’t have to agree with your values for you to show up in a respectful, confident way and build a boundary that supports how you want to show up, even if there’s pushback.
Prong 2: Set It
-Decide who you want to be as you communicate the boundary and how you want the conversation to feel.
-Think intentionally about the other person’s experience. What do they actually need to hear?
What would help this feel like a mutual, relationship-forward conversation rather than you just pushing an agenda?
-Picture how you want both of you to feel during and after the conversation—this clarity helps you choose language that keeps connection and respect in view.
Prong 3: Enforce It
-Prepare for likely responses and scenarios and decide how you’ll support yourself in those cases (ex. reactions/lashing out, disagreement or exclusion from the other person, perspective the other person adds that changes your viewpoint). This isn't about worst-case scenarios, it's about facing and navigating reality wisely. Plan what you’ll say if needed in each possible situation, what boundaries around space or support you may need, and practice how you would calmly shift or re-communicate the boundary without overexplaining or reacting.
-Boundaries work best when you’re willing to commit to walking them out confidently and respectfully over time, not just say them once.